3 Tips For A Successful Sober September #health #holistic

The seasons are changing and that back-to-school vibe is well and truly here…

If you’ve been drinking more than you planned to over the past few months, now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf and get back on track. 

But successful sobriety isn’t just about crossing your fingers and hoping for the best – so today I’m sharing three key tips to help you have a successful sober September

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Keypoints

Tip 1: Just have one goal 

I know how tempting it is to try and do it all. Maybe you also want to lose weight and get fitter and cook more meals from scratch and meditate every day and do yoga and a juice cleanse. But if you put pressure on yourself to do everything at once, you’ll end up giving up on it all before we’re halfway through the month. 

I have lots of successful clients who’ve lost weight and run marathons since quitting drinking, but they didn’t do it all at once. They gave themselves permission to focus on one thing at a time, and wait until sobriety felt a bit easier before adding anything else into the mix. 

Tip 2: Be patient

Trust that how you feel in the early days of sobriety is not how it’s going to be for the rest of time. Early sobriety does require some effort and commitment to get going – but it gets so much easier with time, I promise.

After a couple of tough days it will be tempting to say, “I’m not cut out for this – I can’t continue with this forever.” But it won’t be hard forever. If your kids or grandkids are starting at a new school this month, I’m sure you’d reassure them that it won’t be strange and awkward forever – they’ll settle in!

Tip 3: Think about what your drinking tells you 

Behind every craving for alcohol is an unmet need – so your drinking tells you quite a lot about what you need. You might be using alcohol as a shortcut for relief, comfort or escape from overwhelm. Whatever it is, you want to know about it.

This matters because in sobriety you want to be sure you’re thinking about that unmet need and addressing it. For example, if pouring a glass of wine is the only thing you do for yourself all day and it feels like a treat, then you’ve got to replace that ritual with something. Or if drinking feels like rebelling and sticking two fingers up to the world – find some other way of doing that!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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A Pep Talk For When You Feel Like Giving Up #health #holistic

If you’ve tried to quit drinking a few times already and it hasn’t worked out, I know you might be feeling pretty fed up.

It can be tempting to say, “What’s the point? I may as well not even bother.” And it can start to feel risky to try again and get your hopes up. 

But before you walk away, I’ve got a pep talk for you.

If you need a reminder that some of the biggest wins are built on a stack of setbacks hardly anyone talks about… this video is for you.

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Key points:

You’re in the losing part of winning

One of my favourite quotes is: “Winners lose more than losers ever will.” And it’s true. Behind every successful person are so many failed attempts. For example, JK Rowling had the Harry Potter manuscript rejected 12 times. Oprah was fired from her first TV job. Lady Gaga got dropped by her first record label. And I tried and failed to quit drinking more times than I can count – but I’m now 13 years sober! Failure is simply part of success. 

Look at your practical strategy

Ok, as well as giving you a pep talk, I want to make a practical recommendation. Do you actually have a plan for when a craving hits, or are you just hoping for the best? Think about what you might do in that moment. Do you know how to handle stress without reaching for a drink? That’s a common trigger too. Plan for this stuff now – and get help if you’re not sure how to handle these moments (this is one of the things I can support you with on my Getting Unstuck course).

Check your mindset

Long term, you don’t want sobriety to feel like a restrictive diet, or like the love of your life has been ripped away from you. The goal isn’t to spend your life heroically resisting something you secretly wish you could have. It’s to change how you see alcohol, so not drinking starts to feel like the better deal. You’ll know this is an area you need to work on if you feel like you’re missing out when everyone else has a glass of wine, or if you’re romanticising it a lot. This is the kind of work we tackle inside Getting Unstuck.

Give yourself another chance

What else in life have you been bad at, to begin with – but you kept going anyway and eventually nailed it? For me, it was learning to drive. I had lessons for about a year because I just couldn’t get it! Maybe for you it was something at work, or parenting, or a qualification. You didn’t quit those things just because you weren’t instantly good at them. Bring that same mindset here. The figuring-out stage is messy because change is messy. But it’s worth it, so please don’t give up. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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A Boring (But Effective!) Tip To Help You Stay On Track #health #holistic

Do you ever promise yourself you’re not going to drink – but then something happens to throw a spanner in the works? 

Maybe you have a terrible day at work and crave a G&T just to decompress afterwards. 

Or you’re out with friends and everyone else is ordering wine, so you say yes too. 

Or you get home to find your partner has already poured a glass for you and resisting seems futile… 

I’ve got a great tip to help you get round all these situations, but I nearly didn’t share it with you in case you think it’s boring! But the thing is, it also really works…

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Key points

Why planning ahead properly really works

By “planning ahead,” I mean thinking about your day in advance and deciding how you’re going to handle it without drinking. Do this first thing, when you’re feeling the most calm, motivated and committed to figuring things out. Look over the day and anticipate what’s coming up.

We do our best thinking in advance. We don’t do so well in the moment, when we’re caught off guard or we drift into a situation we don’t know how to handle. When we haven’t thought something through, we’re far more likely to freeze or make choices on autopilot. 

“My life is too unpredictable for planning…”

I agree that sometimes things happen that you can’t anticipate. However, that doesn’t happen as often as you might think. We humans are fairly predictable creatures and we tend to do the same things over and over again. You’ve probably noticed that there’s a real consistency to the things you tend to drink over. 

Just think about your biggest challenges right now. What are the things that have tripped you up in the past? Maybe it’s date nights, Friday evenings or certain situations at work. Any kind of repeated pattern is worth noticing and addressing – and planning another way to cope with these things will prevent a lot of your drinking.

“Planning ahead is boring!”

I know this is a boring tip with a boy scout vibe. Maybe you prefer to be carefree and spontaneous, so you’re wondering: who wants to be a boring planner?! If this all sounds a bit dull, I get it. But you know what? Repeatedly drinking more than you want to and waking up with regrets is also dull. 

And the good news is, this intensive planning ahead bit is only really necessary in early sobriety – you won’t need to do this forever. It’s just that right now, you are changing some of the things you do on autopilot, without thinking, and that takes a little work (and planning!) to begin with. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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3 Questions I Have For Brad Pitt (And One For You) #health #holistic

You’ve probably seen the headlines over the past week. Brad Pitt is drinking again, after seven years sober. And this time, he says he’s doing it “moderately”.

Cue a whole wave of reactions, with some people cheering him on… and others feeling worried, unsettled and even triggered by the whole thing. 

I spent a few days going through everything he said about his sobriety in the past (he used to be pretty effusive about it) vs what he’s saying now…

The result is this video. I’ve got three questions for Brad Pitt (and an important one for you too).

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Key points

None of us know what’s really going on for Brad Pitt

We only get glimpses into his life through interviews and headlines. That’s not the same as knowing the full story. Before we pick this apart, it’s worth remembering how little we actually know. Here’s what he says in Esquire magazine.

“I was sober for seven years. And then I got back off the wagon.” “[I am drinking] in a more restrained manner. I got overconfident a couple of times, went, Yep, nope, not good for me. Not in big quantities… I can have a few. But I can’t have a lot. I have to be professional about it.” 

Question 1: How is moderation really going? 

Based on the Esquire article alone, we can see this hasn’t been plain sailing. He admits to getting “overconfident” a few times already. This sounds like someone who has already had drinking episodes that were not moderate. Remember, we’re talking about an addictive, mind-altering drug here. It’s hard to exercise great control over these substances – and that’s not a character flaw or a criticism.

Question 2: How free and happy do you feel now, compared to before?

Brad Pitt is using words like “restrained” and “being professional” about his drinking. That sounds like someone who is putting a lot of effort and energy into managing this. We tend to have this perception that freedom and joy are found at the bottom of a bottle, but when I reflect on his words, I don’t hear much peace and freedom there. 

When you cut down, rather than cut out, you keep the door open to alcohol. You make it very important in your world. The alcohol noise creeps up again: when are you going to drink? What will you have? When? Where? How much? The decision fatigue is real. None of that says freedom, ease or peace to me – whereas all that stuff has been abundant for me in sobriety. Life gets so easy once you stop giving this liquid drug superpowers.

Question 3: Why did you go back to drinking?

After years of saying sobriety made him happier, this is the big unanswered question. What changed? What did he think he was missing? I don’t know the answer, and I don’t think we ever will. I hope he talked this through with someone else first – it’s all too easy, when we’re on our own, to forget the pain we experienced through drinking. Personally, I’ve been sober for 13 years and I can’t see a reason to go back to drinking. 

And now a question for you: Will Brad Pitt’s choices influence you?

You’ve got to do what’s right for you. At the end of the day, you are the expert in your life and your drinking. You’ve been there for all the ups and downs. We know very little about what’s really going on for Brad Pitt right now. But if we are looking at a tragedy here – and the slow unravelling of someone who’s gone back to something that’s caused them a lot of pain in the past – that is not someone you want to be following down that same path. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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5 Annoying Things That Happen When You Quit Drinking #health #holistic

Don’t get me wrong – quitting drinking is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. 

But I can’t pretend it’s all been sunshine and rainbows. 

In fact, there are some really annoying things that can happen when you stop.

So I thought I’d talk about how I’ve handled this stuff, in case it happens to you too. 

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Key points:

1. Some people will pressure you to drink

It’s horrible when friends nag you not to be boring and “just have one!” It’s a hard thing to navigate because so many of us are people pleasers who hate letting anyone down. But it’s much better to disappoint someone else than to disappoint yourself. Breaking a promise to yourself is going to cost you far more in the long run than a few minutes of awkwardly turning down a drink ever will. 

2. Some of your friendships will change 

We don’t like change, and we especially don’t like our relationships changing. But most drinkers end up surrounding themselves with other drinkers, and sometimes the thing you had in common with someone really was just what was in your glass. When you take that away, sometimes there isn’t much left. It can feel unsettling to notice this, but sobriety is a brilliant truth filter. 

3. Some people will say stupid things

Be prepared for the odd comment that makes you want the ground to swallow you up. I’ve had people ask me outright, “Why would you quit? Are you an alcoholic?” Nobody would dream of asking someone who quits smoking that question! In the early days, these comments can really sting. But this happens far less as time goes on, once the people around you adjust to the fact that you don’t drink anymore. Don’t let an early experience convince you this is how it’s always going to be.

4. You might feel like you’re walking around naked

After years of using alcohol to numb the edges of life and smooth over any awkwardness, sobriety can leave you feeling exposed and emotionally raw. It’s a bit like you’re learning how to be yourself again, and that takes some getting used to. It’s inconvenient, especially early on, but it doesn’t last. There’s something genuinely amazing about working out who you really are and discovering you’re still a complete badass without the boozy comfort blanket.

5. You won’t always be catered for 

There will be events where the only options are red or white wine, or where your alcohol-free drink turns up in a plastic tumbler while everyone else has a proper glass. When it does, remind yourself it’s genuinely ridiculous for there to be no alcohol-free options… and honestly, if anyone can be trusted with a glass, it’s surely a non-drinker?!

And remember…

The challenges I’ve mentioned here are nothing compared to the horrors of drinking too much. These annoying things are a walk in the park compared to waking up full of regrets, breaking a promise to yourself, letting other people down, letting life pass you by, not being able to remember important things or just feeling less than your best all the time. That stuff really is annoying. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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If You’re Going To Worry About Anything, Worry About This #health #holistic

If a lecture on the dangers of drinking was all it took to motivate someone to quit, you wouldn’t be reading this. 

And personally, I much prefer talking about the benefits of alcohol-free living, because it’s such a lifestyle upgrade after all.

But the other day I had a conversation with one of my clients that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about – as I explain in today’s video:

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Key points

The real worry

One of my Getting Unstuck students – who’s now in long-term sobriety – recently said to me, “Looking back, I often wonder why I was so afraid of sobriety, when I was never afraid to drink and face the consequences.” I was exactly the same. I spent hardly any time thinking about how scary it was to continue drinking. I glossed over those risks and put my time and energy into worrying about sobriety and how impossible it seemed. However, the potential for worrying things to happen is so much greater if you continue to use alcohol!

The risks of drinking

Most of us have done things whilst drinking that we regret. For example: walking home alone. Losing keys. Sending angry text messages. Having an argument that you can’t remember the next day. Staying up late drinking the night before an important presentation at work. Embarrassing yourself in front of people you wanted to impress.  Flying to the other side of the world on holiday and seeing very little because you’re hungover. Falling over, risking your health or injuring someone nearby… the list just goes on and on. 

Your brain is tricking you

The only reason that drinking seems safer right now is because sobriety is the unknown thing. Your brain likes certainty and alcohol feels relatively ‘safe’ and familiar compared to sobriety. But what I’m trying to show you is that drinking isn’t really safe at all. There are so many risks – you could be right around the corner from something bad happening. I’m not scaremongering here, but my point is, if you’re going to worry about anything, worry about the risk of drinking. Don’t be scared of sobriety, because there’s nothing to be scared about. If you quit booze, you won’t regret it!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Alcohol Is Stealing Genuine Joy From Your Life #health #holistic

It’s so sneaky, the way it happens.

You start thinking about opening a bottle of wine (or perhaps you’re already staring into an empty glass, wondering whether to have another…)

You’re distracted… so you don’t notice that a robbery is taking place.

Alcohol is quietly stealing genuine joy from you… but you might not even realise you’ve been robbed until much later on, because initially everything seems fine. 

But alcohol is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, as I explain in this video. 

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Key points

How the robbery works

When you become convinced that alcohol brings with it genuine joy, you develop tunnel vision. You become less interested in other activities, because your primary focus is your next glass and whether you’ll be able to have as much as you want to. Without even realising it, you push aside other opportunities for happiness.

The next day, you feel hungover and remorseful. When you’re beating yourself up and feeling ill, the chances of experiencing spontaneous, organic joy are severely diminished. Plus, regular heavy drinking can disrupt the brain’s reward system, so the other things in life that should naturally bring you joy may not register in quite the same way. Suddenly, alcohol seems like the only bright light in the day. 

You deserve genuine happiness

Can you see the trap here? When you turn to alcohol to feel good, you end up overlooking many of the other things in life that bring you genuine joy. Over time, repeated drinking can alter dopamine signalling and dull the brain’s response to everyday rewards, so those things won’t feel as satisfying as they once did.

Life needs to be about more than the liquid that is or isn’t in your glass. That cannot be the one thing you look forward to all day or the thing that your world revolves around. Because the more you do that, the smaller life gets.

When life is tough

I know there’ll be someone reading this who thinks: “But there genuinely is no joy in my life right now! If you had my life you’d want to drink through it too!” I understand that line of thinking, but the harsh reality is that drinking is keeping you stuck. 

While you’re drinking, the thoughts you’re having about your challenging situation will be very hard to change. You probably won’t feel like taking any positive action or trying to figure out how to handle your life in another way… and so the cycle continues. 

Fed up with alcohol stealing joy from your life? For help and support to break out of the alcohol trap, click here to find out more about Getting Unstuck, my online coaching programme. 

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You’re Not Missing Out: Sober Holiday Myths #health #holistic

At this time of year, I often hear from people who are worried they’re going to miss out if they stay sober on holiday.

They can’t imagine skipping cocktails by the pool or saying no to wine with their evening meal. 

When you’re feeling this way, it’s so easy to talk yourself into giving up on your sober goals (or sticking them on the back burner for a while).

I want to help you reframe the fear of missing out and see things in a different light.

Key points

Decide what really matters before you go

Just think about this: when you get back home and people ask how your holiday went, are you going to give them a rundown of everything you had to drink? I doubt it. Instead you’ll talk about how much rest you got, what you saw, and what the area was like. That’s the stuff that really matters.

Drinking alcohol will jeopardise your ability to come back rested and having done the things you planned to. So… if you’ve not experienced a sober holiday before, isn’t it about time you tried one? Why not change the script this year and stop missing out on the kind of break you deserve? 

Drop the idea that sober holidays = missing out

The truth is that everyone is missing out on something all of the time. It doesn’t matter whether they drink or not. It’s always helped me to remember that everyone is missing out on something – because it’s impossible to have a full or complete experience of anything. 

When you go away somewhere new, every single day is full of decisions about what you do and don’t do. Will you sunbathe or sightsee? Stay put or explore the area? Which restaurant will you go to? What will you order? You can’t do it all. No one can! 

Decide what you’re happy to skip

Once you really get your head around the idea that everyone is missing out on something, your focus can shift from “Am I going to miss out?” to “Ok, what is it I’m happy to miss out on?” 

Personally, I’m really happy to miss out on hangovers while on holiday. I’m also happy to miss out on the obsession that comes with trying to control alcohol at a time when I want to be relaxing. I don’t want to come home needing another holiday to get over the first one!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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How I Knew It Was Time To Quit Drinking #health #holistic

How do you know when it’s time to quit drinking or take a break from booze? It can be tough to tell.

For many people there’s never a dramatic, rock-bottom moment that forces them to stop.

In fact, the call to ditch alcohol can be much more subtle than you might think. So how do you know when you’ve got to that point?

I asked some of my students to share what made them decide it was time to quit. I’m sharing their answers in today’s video – I think you’ll find them surprising, fascinating and perhaps very relatable. 

Key points

Helen

“I found I wasn’t being quite as honest about whether I’d had a glass of wine… or I would think, ‘I’m retired, I can have a glass of wine with a sandwich at lunchtime’. I knew by the Christmas of 2022 that I was in trouble. My drinking was controlling me. I wasn’t controlling it. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a day, more if we were socialising. But no one would have ever known, really, other than my very close family.”

Madeline

“I would say that in the decade previous, I’d probably have one terrible overdrinking episode a year. But then it started shifting to maybe two catastrophes a year. And in the last couple of years of drinking, it was going up to once a season. I would be drunk in a blackout. It was never my intention to drink like that. My intention at the beginning of the evening was to have 1 or 2 glasses of wine. It was like playing Russian roulette by the end.”

Marjorie

“There was no downtime. No matter how many times I would say, let’s not drink between Monday and Thursday, or not on a school night, or let’s take a week off – it just would never happen. One day towards the end of December, I sat and watched one of your videos, and I just had tears streaming down my face. And my husband Baz came in, and he said, ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ And I just said, ‘I really want to do something about drinking alcohol. I’ve just got to the end of what I can stand, and I want to make a big change.’”

Annette

“I knew I could not face another day of talking to myself in the shower and saying, ‘You’ve got to stop this, Annette.’ I’d looked at your blogs and had been circling around the outside like a shy child who wants to join the game but doesn’t really know how to ask. I cried every time I thought about it. I was in tears because I knew I really needed your help. And when I finally did it, it was such a relief.”

Alex

“Perimenopause and COVID hit at exactly the same time, and my drinking definitely accelerated. I don’t think I’ve ever felt lower in my life. When I think about the amount of time I used to spend bargaining with myself – the rules – it’s so hard. I was masking incredibly well. I’d been drinking at unhealthy levels for many, many years, but in 2022 I realised the cracks were beginning to show. I realised I can’t lie to myself anymore about where this was going.”

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Does My Wine Habit Show On My Face? #health #holistic

Does my wine habit show on my face? The morning after drinking, I’d peer into the mirror, wondering how to hide the redness and puffy, bloated look.

I know I’m not the only one who’s wondered if their skin is giving away their secret… and now companies are cashing in on that concern.

Recently I spotted an ad for a collagen brand that said: if you’re a woman in midlife, drinking alcohol will make you look older. The fix? Just buy their collagen powder (of course)!

The truth is, no supplement or beauty treatment can cancel alcohol’s impact. But sobriety, on the other hand, gets to work pretty fast.

Key points: 

Collagen can’t do that much

It’s misleading to claim that a collagen powder can rebuild “every single thing alcohol damages”.  It cannot magically reverse or rebuild to that level. In fact, when you look at more neutral research around what collagen can do, the evidence is a little underwhelming. This BBC article says collagen can keep skin elastic but won’t stop wrinkles, and this one describes collagen as “hugely hyped”.

Alcohol has a big impact on your face

Two large glasses of wine a night count as binge drinking for a woman, and that kind of drinking can leave your face looking puffier the next day, from fluid retention. Your skin can look duller and drier too, because alcohol messes with your sleep and your hydration, all the basics your skin depends on. If you’re prone to redness or rosacea, alcohol makes that worse. And there’s research linking heavier drinking in women with visible signs of ageing, things like under-eye puffiness and loss of volume in the face.

The real fix

Taking collagen to offset regular drinking is like mopping up a leak without fixing the pipe. It might help a little, but it won’t make a real difference while the cause is still there. Quitting drinking is the best way to see an improvement in your appearance and guard against future damage. Fun fact: when women come to work with me, I often ask them to take a selfie on the first day. The difference you see within 6 weeks is incredible!

If you want some help to address the root cause here – your drinking – I am running a free masterclass and coaching week. I’ll be sharing some key lessons, answering questions, and coaching people to get started on an alcohol-free journey. It all begins next Monday. Feel free to join, whether you’re taking collagen or not! Just register below. 

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I Got Tired Of Pretending Everything Was Fine #health #holistic

One of the things that drove me to quit drinking was all the pretending I had to do. You know – the acting. 

Acting as if I didn’t have a hangover. Acting as if I didn’t mind whether we opened another bottle or not. Acting as if I could just take it or leave it.

And I reckon my acting skills were pretty good, if I do say so myself. But my goodness… it was so draining.

Eventually I got tired of pretending everything was fine – and I explain why in this video.

Key points

Are you acting more than you think?

There’s the pretending (when you open a bottle of wine with your partner) that it’s your first drink of the day, but you’ve already had a few glasses. Or going out for a meal and acting as if you couldn’t care less whether you order another (despite desperately hoping that will happen). There’s the acting that comes with trying to behave like a completely sober person when you’re not – or someone who remembers what happened last night… 

Pretending is tiring

My main goal with this post is to get you thinking about how heavily the acting and pretending might be weighing on you. I don’t think I realised what a weight it all was until I stopped. The temptation is to minimise it – to brush over it as if it’s no big deal. There’s a part of us that wants to believe that if we can pretend everything is fine then it must be fine.

Imagine just being yourself

Think about all the effort and energy you’re putting into pretending everything is fine. What else could that be used for? Just think how much time, focus and brainspace it would free up. I quit drinking because I realised that I like an easy life and I promise, alcohol-free living really is that easy option. Drinking is always the harder choice in the long run.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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10 Reasons To Quit Drinking, According To Sober Celebrities #health #holistic

I’ve always been fascinated by the sheer number of celebrities who quietly don’t drink alcohol.

I’m not talking about famous people who’ve fought well-publicised battles with booze. I’m more interested in the celebs who quietly decided that Hollywood’s champagne lifestyle wasn’t for them.

Their reasons for quitting are varied and inspiring, so if you’re looking for some motivation to stick to your sober goals, you’re going to love this video.

Key points

1. Have more energy

“When I stopped drinking I found I had more of everything – more time, more energy, more enthusiasm. I’d been frightened about what would happen if I let it go; what would replace it, but I realise now that LIFE replaced it.”

Susannah Constantine

2. Lose the self-hatred

Things I don’t miss: being sick, wondering what I did last night, finding out what I did last night, shame, the self-hatred of hungover parenting, wondering if people know I’m still drunk, thinking about the next time I drink and knowing that time it will be amazing, wondering why other people can just have two, nightclubs.” 

Josh Widdicombe

3. Have more fun

“When I got sober, I thought giving up was saying goodbye to all the fun and sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite. That’s when the sparkle started for me.”

Mary Karr

4. Enjoy more free time

“I was starting to get bad hangovers on not much booze. A glass of wine gave me a headache or even sickness the next day. The after-effects weren’t worth the fun times. I lost half days, sometimes full ones… my life is so busy that if I do have a day off, I don’t want to spend it vomiting.” 

Sarah Millican, comedian

5. Lose weight faster

“I realised there were lots of empty calories in booze so that is why I gave it up. If you add up through the week what I’d consume in alcohol calories it was mad. I don’t miss any of that. Now instead of partying until 6.45am, I’m in the gym at 6.45am.” 

Lisa Riley, actress

6. Burn the candle at both ends

“Since I stopped drinking eight years ago I’ve fallen in love with mornings. It was hard at first, but now being sober feels like a superpower. I can go out with friends, have a great night and be up at six, ready for the day.”

Roisin Conaty

7. Make the most of life

“I was so concerned what you thought of me, how I was coming across, how I would survive the day… I always felt like an outsider. I just lived in my head. I realized I wasn’t going to live up to my potential, and that scared the hell out of me. I thought, ‘Wow, I’m actually gonna ruin my life; I’m really gonna ruin it.'”

Bradley Cooper, actor

8. Stop lying

“I’m an actor, so I acted … all the fucking time. One thing [addiction] does is make you clever at not giving anything away. People think junkies and alcoholics are slovenly, unmotivated people. They’re not – they are incredibly organised. They can nip out for a quick shot of whisky and you wouldn’t know they have gone. It’s as if … you are micro-managed by it.” 

Simon Pegg, actor

9. Do better at work

“I realised it was not going to end well. I got into the acting programme, it was very challenging, I was hungover and I wasn’t doing so well in my classes. I thought, ‘Do you know what? It’s going to be one or the other. I can’t really have both.’”

Kristin Davis, actress

10. Gain superpowers

“Someone asked me about the ‘secret to my success’, and the first thing that came to my mind was my sobriety…my sobriety isn’t a limitation. Sobriety isn’t even a “have to”—it’s a superpower.”

Brené Brown

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The Joy Of Being Sober Smug #health #holistic

In my drinking days, the idea that sobriety could be anything other than deprivation and punishment seemed completely laughable to me. 

I was sure that sober people were missing out, big time. So it’s kind of funny that I’m sat here, talking about the joy of being sober smug. 

That’s my name for that feeling when I’m out having a brilliant evening, and I know I’m also going to wake up the next day feeling great. 

You know you’re getting the best of both worlds and it’s truly awesome.

Key points

Sober smug = the best of both worlds

To me, it’s about that moment when you realise you are winning at life because sobriety is giving you more, not less. You are having a heightened experience because you don’t drink. It’s when you notice you’ve just had a really good evening out, sober. You’ve had fun, you’ve laughed… and you know you’re also going to wake up the next day with a clear head, good memories, and a good time behind you. It’s that breakthrough moment where you think: oh. Sobriety isn’t this stone in my shoe. It isn’t about living a life of less. It’s actually about squeezing more out of life, because you are available for more.

We’re trained to see sobriety negatively

I admit, even the word “sober” sounds boring and austere. (Sometimes I regret choosing The Sober School as a name, but we are where we are…) I know sobriety doesn’t exactly sound like an exciting lifestyle upgrade to begin with. Whereas with alcohol, we associate it with all sorts of positive, fun and joyful things. When I first stopped drinking, I did so very reluctantly because I thought I was giving up so much. Not just the booze, but all the fun that went with it. I’m glad to say the truth is very different!

The good times are just as good

When I think about my drinking, what strikes me now is how much I fixated on the first few minutes of drinking. That small moment of perceived glamour and fun and joy. I focused on that but completely overlooked the experience in the round. The overall shame, the regrets, the lack of joy, the consequences. Now I love being able to say no, I choose not to drink – and I know I’ll have a good time no matter what’s in my glass. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why “Everyone Else Drinks Normally” Is A Lie #health #holistic

Have you ever watched someone linger over a single glass of wine at dinner and wondered: how do they drink so… normally? 

When I was struggling with my drinking, I was constantly spying on other people’s drinking, comparing myself, convinced that I was the only one with a secret problem. 

I was wrong, of course, but that belief – about being the only abnormal one – really kept me stuck. 

I can’t go back in time and change the past, but I can tell you what I wish I’d known sooner: that “everyone else drinks normally” is one of the most damaging lies your brain will tell you.

That’s what I’m talking about in this video. 

Key points

What people say and do in public is just one version of the truth

What you see when you watch other people drink tells you almost nothing about their actual relationship with alcohol. Personally, I used to do a convincing act of being a moderate drinker in restaurants. I could do that because I knew I’d get my fill the moment I got home. Sometimes I’d leave parties early so I could go home and drink properly, unobserved. My point is – there was a big difference between the real me and the version of me you’d have seen in public.

Your brain fills in the gaps with the story it already believes

Think about how often we say “let’s go for drinks.” That phrase doesn’t tell you what anyone is actually drinking, but your brain assumes everyone is drinking alcohol because that’s the story it wants to confirm. Some of those people might be on sparkling water or drinking alcohol-free alternatives. (You genuinely can’t tell sometimes.)  If you’re comparing your insides to other people’s outsides, you will never come out of it well. You have full access to your own doubts, cravings, secrets and shame. You only get a surface glimpse of everyone else’s.

Feeling broken will keep you stuck drinking

When you believe that everyone else has “normal” drinking figured out and you’re the only one who can’t manage it, the conclusion is obvious: something is wrong with you. You’re defective. Broken. Weak. And shame that deep doesn’t make you want to change… it makes you want to keep trying to prove that you can drink normally! That shame will keep sending you back to alcohol, over and over, because needing to quit feels like a bad reflection on you.

You’ve actually had a normal experience with alcohol

Remember, normal drinkers get addicted to addictive substances. It’s not complicated. Addictive things are… well, addictive. That’s not a character flaw. It’s just what happens. I know for certain that you are not the only person in your world quietly struggling with this, but hiding it well. You’re good at hiding your drinking, right? So why would you be the only person doing that? You aren’t.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why The Thing You Dread Could Be Your Sober Breakthrough #health #holistic

You want to stop drinking, but there’s something on the calendar that’s getting in your way.

Maybe it’s a holiday. A wedding. A weekend away with the girls. Whatever it is, you just can’t imagine doing it sober. 

So it makes total sense to delay any attempts at taking a break from drinking, right? Why stop drinking with a big, boozy occasion right around the corner? 

The problem is, though, there’s always something coming up. And every time you wait, alcohol stays in charge of your diary a little bit longer.

But what if these moments might be your biggest opportunity – not your biggest obstacle? 

That’s what I’m talking about in today’s video.

Key points

That empty space on your calendar isn’t coming

When was the last time you had a long chunk of time with no events coming up, or anything that felt like a reason to drink? The only time most of us came close to that was during lockdown (and that led people to drink more, not less!) The truth is, there will always be a birthday, a holiday or an event… always something that feels like a reason to postpone.

Every time you wait, alcohol wins

If you allow yourself to drink at every party, every wedding, every big occasion, then you never find out what you’re actually capable of. The fear just stays, and those events become proof that you can’t do it, rather than proof that you can. Over time, it will seem less and less possible to change – and alcohol will stay in charge. 

Big challenges = big breakthroughs

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Once you get through one challenging experience, everything shifts. You get real, lived evidence that you were wrong. (Yes, wrong!) That actually, you could do it. And that it wasn’t as bad as you feared. Once you have that knowledge, you start wondering what else you might have been wrong about…

Get the right help and support

Your brain loves to do the same thing over and over, so it will naturally resist doing anything different, such as not drinking on holiday. In fact, if you leave your brain unsupervised, it will focus on negative, unhelpful stuff, so it can say: “See! I told you this wouldn’t be as good sober!” This is where having the right support from someone like me can make all the difference (just check out what Jacky had to say about that in my video).

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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That Sunny Pub Garden Isn’t Telling You the Whole Story #health #holistic

When you walk past a pub garden and you see people drinking in the sunshine, what’s the first thought that runs through your head? 

Is it: “I’m so jealous, I want a drink too!” Or “Lucky them…” Or “Perhaps I could just have one…” 

If you’re trying to take a break from drinking right now, moments like these can make you want to ditch your sober goals. 

But before you do, let’s talk about what’s really going on – because I promise, it’s not actually about the drink!

Key points

Everything gets a glow-up at this time of year

It’s the same every spring. All of a sudden, you notice just how light the days are. The temperature is better. The blossom is out along with the bluebells and you feel the relief of winter being over. Everything seems to get a glow up – including alcohol.

Outside, glasses of wine will literally glint in the sun. (Everything looks better on a sunny day, right?) People sit outside to drink and catch some rays, and you’re noticing that too. All these things can come together like a giant, glowy advert for alcohol!

But what are you really craving? 

Let’s go a layer deeper, because there’s more to this than meets the eye. It’s not just about wanting a drink. The true craving might be about you wanting to duck out of your normal obligations. Or you might want to sunbathe and rest. Maybe drinking alcohol is the only way you’ve allowed yourself to do that in the past and drop the things you “should” be doing. 

Or perhaps seeing other people drinking in the sun reminds you of the people you love spending time with, and haven’t seen in a while. Or maybe your true craving is for a reward. Or a treat. These are real, legitimate needs and they deserve to be met. 

Hear me on this: you do not need to pour a glass of wine to give yourself permission to rest. You do not need alcohol to feel connected to people you love spending time with or to enjoy the sunshine. It’s just that alcohol gets bundled up into so many good experiences, sometimes it’s hard for us to see that. 

The darker side that you don’t see

The next time you walk past a buzzing pub garden, remember that all you’re seeing is a snapshot. You are seeing the highlight reel. You’re not seeing what happens later that evening, or the next morning. You cannot see the true cost of what’s in those glasses.

Some people may be very unhappy with their drinking, but we don’t see that from the outside. Some people might be sad, lonely or struggling to hear the conversation. Some “boozers” might not be drinking at all, actually – because alcohol-free drinks aren’t that easy to spot. 

Tip 1: Focus your mind on something useful

First things first, make sure you supervise your mind here by asking the right questions. A great question here is: “What am I gaining by staying alcohol free during this spring/summer season?” Stop letting your mind ruminate on the opposite and identify what those benefits are for you. 

Tip 2: Satisfy your real craving

Make sure you address the underlying need that’s coming up here. For me, seeing people drink in pub gardens reminds me of carefree afternoons with friends who I don’t see as much as I’d like to anymore. So I make sure I arrange something with them. At other times, I realise that I need some time off too, so I make sure to give myself that. What is it for you? 

Let me know…

What do you genuinely need on a sunny day? What’s really behind those cravings? And remember, you can have everything you want without drinking alcohol

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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