Monday, November 29, 2021

“What If” Questions And Trying To Predict The Future #health #holistic

Before I quit drinking, I had a hundred “What if?” questions. 

What if I try to stop and can’t do it? What if me not drinking makes other people uncomfortable? What if they assume I’m an alcoholic? What if I never have fun again?!

I didn’t know it at the time, but my “What if…” questions were keeping me stuck. 

I was worrying about problems that hadn’t actually happened yet.

If you’ve caught yourself doing the same thing, today’s video will help:

Key points

The problem with “what if” questions

Your brain is trying to solve fictional problems – things that haven’t actually happened yet. However, by dwelling on this stuff, they can start to feel very real and overwhelming. It’s easy to reach a point where you’re not sure you even want to try any more.

 

What if the worst doesn’t happen? 

This is the first thing to consider. So often your greatest fears don’t come true. When alcohol is a big deal to you, it’s easy to lose sight of what you’re capable of. You forget that other people might react in a much more reasonable way than you’re anticipating. 

 

Stay present

If you’re unhappy with your drinking right now – and you’re curious about what your life would be like if you took a proper break from booze – then that’s what should be informing your actions. That’s more important than something that hasn’t happened yet. 

 

What if the worst does happen and it’s all ok? 

Right now, you’re trying to find solutions to problems that haven’t yet happened, based on how you feel and what you know right now. But what if quitting drinking leads you to change and grow as a person? That version of you can probably figure out how to manage some of these worst case scenarios!

 

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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Everything Harder Than Everyone Else #health #holistic

Where does hedonism end and endurance begin? That was the question that rose to the surface of the excitingly murky book I was writing, Everything Harder Than Everyone Else. A follow-up to my addiction memoir, Woman of Substances, this new book looked at some of the key drivers of addictive behavior—impulsivity, agitation, a death wish desire to drive the body into the ground—and the ways in which some people channeled them into extreme pursuits.I interviewed a bare-knuckle boxer, a deathmatch wrestler, a flesh-hook suspension artist, a porn star-turned-MMA fighter, and more; all of them what I came to term “natural-born leg-jigglers.” Some copped to having been diagnosed with ADHD, and many had a history of trauma, but I wasn’t interested in pathologizing people. I wanted to celebrate the extreme measures they’d gone to, to quiet what ultra-runner Charlie Engle called “squirrels in the brain.”Personally, I have a strong aversion to running. With combat sports—my preferred punishment—you smash through stray thoughts before they have time to take root. With running, there’s no escaping the infernal looping of your mind. Your circular breathing becomes a backing track for your horrible mantras, whether they are as blandly tedious as, you could stop, you could stop. you could stop, or something more castigating. No wonder runners’ bodies look like anxiety made flesh. No wonder their faces have the jittery eyes of whippets.So when Charlie, whose running feats have been made him an outlier in the sport, told me, “I myself don’t like it as much as you might think,” I was pretty intrigued.When we spoke for the book, Charlie was bustling around his kitchen in Raleigh, North Carolina, reheating his coffee. It’s a fair guess to say he’s the sort of guy who’d have to reheat his coffee a lot.As the story goes, he was eleven years old when he swung himself into a boxcar on a moving freight train, to experience escapism. So began a life of running that no destination could ever satisfy.Charlie, who’s now fifty-nine, said something about validation early in our conversation that I wound up repeating to everyone I interviewed after him, to watch them nod in recognition. We’d been talking about his crack years, before he pledged his life to endurance races—the six-day benders in which he’d wind up in strange motel rooms with well-appointed women from bad neighborhoods, and smoke until he came to with his wallet missing.“Part of ultrarunning is a desire to be different,” he told me. “And for the drug addict, too, there is a deep need to separate ourselves from the crowd. Street people would tell me, ‘You could smoke more crack than anybody I’ve ever seen,’ and there was a weird, ‘Yeah, that’s right!’ There’s still a part of me that wants to be validated through doing things that other people can’t.”Charlie has completed some of the world’s most inhospitable races. At 56, he ran 27 hours straight to celebrate his 27 years of sobriety. If his biggest fear is being “average, at best,” then he’s moving mountains to avoid it.It helps that he’s goal-oriented in the extreme. In fact, you might call him a high achiever. Even in his drug-bingeing years, which culminated in his car being shot at by dealers, Charlie was the top salesman at the fitness club where he worked.When he began using drugs—before he’d even hit his teens—they distracted him from his antsiness. He’s noticed a similar restlessness in endurance athletes that comes from a fear of missing out. If there’s a race he doesn’t take part in, he tortures himself that it was surely the best ever. He took control of this fear by starting to plan his own expeditions, which couldn’t be topped.“I need the physical release of running and the burning off of extra fuel,” he said. “I am that guy with a ball for every space on the roulette wheel. When I start running, all the balls are bouncing and making that chaotic clattering noise. Three or four miles into the run, they all find their slot.”Even before he quit drugs, Charlie ran. He ran to prove to himself he could. He ran to shake off the day. He ran as a punishment of sorts. He craved depletion. “Running was a convenient and reliable way to purge. I felt badly about my behavior, even if very often my behavior didn’t technically hurt anybody else.”A common hypothesis is that former drug users who hurl themselves into sport are trading one addiction for another. Maybe so—both pursuits activate the same reward pathways, and when a person gives up one dopaminergic behavior, such as taking drugs, they are likely to seek stimulation elsewhere. In the clinical field, it’s known as cross-addiction.Some people in my book with histories of addiction wound up doing combat sports or bodybuilding, but it’s long-distance running that seems to be the most prevalent lifestyle swap. High-wire memoirs about this switch include Charlie’s Running Man; Mishka Shubaly’s The Long Run; Rich Roll’s Finding Ultra; Catra Corbett’s Reborn on the Run; and Caleb Daniloff’s Running Ransom Road.Perhaps it’s the singularity of the experience: the solitary pursuit of a goal, the intoxicating feeling of being an outlier, the meditative quality of the rhythmic movement, the adrenaline rush of triumph; and on the flipside, the self-flagellation that might last as long as a three-day bender. The long-term effects of running can shorten the lifespan, and there have been fatalities mid-race, but they’re tempered by the “runner’s high.” As well as endorphins and serotonin, there’s a boost in anandamide, an endocannabinoid named for the Sanskrit word ananda, meaning “bliss.”Another commonality in endurance racing is hallucinating. This, combined with runners under stress being forced to drill down to the very essence of self, reminds me of the ego death that psychedelic pilgrims pursue, in order that the shell of our constructed identity might fall away.For Charlie, part of the attraction is the pursuit of novelty and the chasing of firsts, even though he knows by now that the intensity of that initial high can never be replicated. That explains why he takes such pleasure in the planning of his expeditions. “The absolute best I ever felt in relation to drugs was actually the acquisition of the drug … the idea of what it can be,” he told me. “Once the binge starts, it’s all downhill from there. In a way, running is the same because there’s this weird idea that you’re going to enter a hundred-miler and this time it’s not gonna hurt so much...”To run an ultra takes a real dedication to suffering. Races have names such as Triple Brutal Extreme Triathlon and Hurt 100. In his book The Rise of the Ultra Runners, Adharanand Finn writes about the hellscapes in race marketing materials that appear irresistible to this breed. “The runners look more like survivors of some near-apocalyptic disaster than sportsmen and women,” he wrote. “It is telling that these are the images they choose to advertise the race. People want to experience this despair, they want to get this close to their own self-destruction.”I think about a transcontinental US odyssey that Charlie planned, in which he would run 18 hours a day for six weeks. At one point, as he was icing his ankle and beating himself up for losing sensation in his toes, one of the film crew asked him, “Do you consider yourself a compassionate person?”Charlie looked up. “Yeah. I try to be.”“Do you feel any compassion at all for yourself?”Perhaps the psychology of ultrarunners is uncomplicated: they simply prioritize the goal above the body. The meat cage is a mule to be driven, and is viewed dispassionately, whether that be for practical purposes, or from lack of self-regard, or a bit of both.“Balance is overrated,” Charlie assured—and that’s something he says when giving keynotes to alpha types. “Very few people who’ve actually accomplished anything big, like writing a book or running a marathon or whatever it is, have balance in their lives. If you’re not obsessed with it, then why are you doing it? I don’t even understand how someone can do it just a little bit, whatever it is.”When he first quit drugs, Charlie felt like taking a knife and surgically removing the addict, so strong was his rejection of that part of his identity. It took three years to figure out that the “addict self” had plenty to offer: tenacity, ingenuity, problem-solving, and stamina. Perfect for the all-or-nothing world of endurance.Excerpted from Everything Harder Than Everyone Else: Why Some of Us Push Ourselves to Extremes by Jenny Valentish. Available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Bookshop.org.


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Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Are These Seven Common Cognitive Distortions Holding You Back? #health #holistic

Have you ever made a small social snafu, only to become obsessed with how bad it made you look? Maybe it was a silly comment, which then convinced you that everyone thinks you’re stupid. In fact, they probably left the party early because of your social ineptitude.Reading this may make it sound ridiculous, but it’s a spiral that most of us have experienced at one time or another. There’s actually a name for this type of cycle: cognitive distortion."A cognitive distortion is any system of thinking which creates a discrepancy between objective reality and subjective reality in a way that leads to undue suffering around a grief or traumatic experience,” Ionatan Waisgluss writes for Sunshine Coast Health Centre.Cognitive distortions can happen to anyone. In fact, research shows that they’re becoming more common. They’re especially prevalent in people who struggle with depression and addiction. Knowing how to recognize cognitive distortions and interrupt them can help you change negative thought patterns and keep from being sucked into a negative spiral.Types of Cognitive DistortionsCognitive distortions were first named by Aaron Temkin Beck, a psychiatrist at University of Pennsylvania. Beck developed cognitive therapy, which is now known as cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, one of the most common and versatile types of therapy.CBT works by identifying and interrupting negative thought patterns. But before that could happen, Beck needed to know exactly the cognitive distortions he was looking for. He identified seven main types of cognitive distortions:Selective abstraction: This happens when you fixate on a small issue, ignoring the broader context. For example, you ruminate on a joke you made that fell flat, without acknowledging that the rest of the party you threw was a success.Overgeneralization: This happens when you take a rare instance, and think that it’s universal. Overgeneralizations involve words like “always, never, everyone and nobody.” For example, you might think that nobody ever thinks you’re funny, just because one joke fell flat.Inexact labeling: No one likes being labelled, but we tend to do it to ourselves ruthlessly. Inexact labeling occurs when we slap ourselves with a negative label like “addict,” “failure” or “alone,” without considering the truth of that or the deeper context of the situation.Personalization: Personalization happens when we take random events as if they’re personal attacks. A classic example is being angry or frustrated when it rains on your vacation, even though you know objectively that the weather has nothing to do with you.Arbitrary interpretation: Arbitrary interpretation is when you decide something, despite contradictory evidence. This is sometimes called arbitrary inference, and it’s especially prevalent in people with depression. You might suddenly decide that a friend is mad at you, despite the fact that they continue to text; or think that your boss is disappointed in your work, despite continuing to get new projects.Magnification and minimization: These cognitive distortions happen when you fail to recognize the importance of a situation. They can go either way: some people make a big deal out of nothing (magnification) while others brush off major events (minimization). This can leave you unable to respond appropriately.Absolute or dichotomous thinking: This happens when you lose sight of the middle ground, and believe that everything must be one way or the opposite. You might think of people as good or bad; in recovery or addicted; healthy or unhealthy, without recognizing the nuances in people’s lives. Overcoming Cognitive DistortionsBeing aware of cognitive distortions and which you are prone to can help you break the cycle of negative thinking. This sounds simple, but it can be very difficult, since cognitive distortions feel like logical conclusions to the person experiencing them. Luckily, recognizing them can get easier with time and practice.CBT takes aim directly at cognitive distortions. First, you’ll work with a therapist to learn how to identify when you’re experiencing a cognitive distortion. Once you know that’s happening, you’re able to challenge the distortion, and provide yourself with evidence to the contrary. Ultimately, this can help you replace negative, distorted thinking with more realistic and often more positive thoughts.Cognitive distortions take away your control over your thinking, and ultimately undermine your health and wellbeing. Once you realize the impact that these distortions have on you, you can retrain your brain to look at a situation logically. Rather than being sent into a negative spiral from one socially awkward moment, you’ll learn to just shrug it off and accept all the good things that are present in your life.Sunshine Coast Health Centre is a non 12-step drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in British Columbia. Learn more here.


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Monday, November 22, 2021

“It’s Too Hard To Be Sober At This Time Of Year.” #health #holistic

Before I quit drinking, I spent several years trying to stop.

I’d be good for a day or two – or sometimes a couple of weeks.

But at this time of year – with the holiday season fast approaching – I’d convince myself it was impossible to be sober. 

It felt too hard… so what was the point in even trying? 

If you can relate, this video is for you. 

Key points:

Thoughts about it being “too hard”

Watch out for this: “It’ll be too hard to navigate the festive season without drinking. It’ll feel horrible to try and fail. So why don’t I just give up now, forget about it all, and then I’ll get back on the alcohol free wagon in January? That’ll be easier.”

There’s nothing easy about staggering through the next 6 weeks feeling bad about yourself, knowing that deep down, there’s a part of you that wants something different. There’s nothing easy about drinking too much and doing things you regret.

 

A calendar with a difference

Don’t let a couple of events or challenges dictate the next 6 weeks. There’s a lot of white space in between this stuff! 📅 Fill out my calendar here 👈 with the boozy events you have coming up – the parties or gatherings where it will be a challenge not to drink.

Count up how many days are blank. Are you surprised by the number of normal, typical, doable days there are? There are 84 time slots on the calendar (daytime and evening). As a percentage, how many of them are filled with challenges? 

 

Handling the challenges

Get a different coloured pen. Next to each event on the calendar, write down what the point is. People might talk about meeting up for drinks or getting drunk, but that’s never what an event is really about. 

The point of a work party might be to spend time with people you don’t normally get a chance to have fun with. The point of a family gathering might be to catch up on everyone’s news. Remind yourself that you can still have these experiences without alcohol. 

 

Remember…

The festive season is just a period of time with some days where we eat particular foods, do certain things and speak to certain people. That’s it. Everything else is just a story. You can focus on things that create a feeling of peace and control around that… or you can focus on the things that make this feel too hard.

Looking help and support to feel great about alcohol free living? Click here for details of my online course.

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Wednesday, November 17, 2021

“Please Advertise Responsibly” #health #holistic

“Please smoke responsibly.” When was the last time you saw an advertisement requesting that? Most likely never. The vast majority of people know cigarettes are nothing more glorious than ‘cancer sticks’ and public perceptions around smoking have changed radically since the 1980s, when the habit was at its most popular. Nowadays, smoking is seen as anti-social and is facing ever-increasing restrictions in public places including outdoors, lest it forces others to passively inhale.Interestingly, during lockdown the downward trend of smoking reversed temporarily amongst the younger demographic, but overall more people ceased smoking than was anticipated. Starting is easy, stopping is not. I only found the motivation to stop three months before I set out to walk across America. My last cigarette, ironically, was supplied by a very good friend of mine herself dying of lung cancer aged 51. Those warnings they blazon on the ubiquitous black packets here in Europe are starting to come true within my social set. Recent research indicates the stark warnings on cigarettes only deter casual or low frequency smokers and not us hardened addicts.Britain wound up all cigarette advertising in 2002. America banned advertising on television and radio back in 1970, and on billboards in 1997. In recent years, America has largely legalised the imbibing of cannabis. When I spent six months hiking across the west coast, I was astonished to discover the childlike packaging that products are sold in. It struck me they were being sold as sweets for adults. Currently marijuana use remains illegal here in the UK but I suspect it is only a matter of time before it becomes drastically deregulated. This is going to bring questions of marketing to the fore. Will cannabis, after years in the illegal wilderness, be treated like booze or cigarettes?Currently, for women, anything over one bottle of wine a week is considered to be ‘heavy drinking’ in the UK. And yet, I am bombarded daily with advertisements for alcohol. The restrictions surrounding marketing alcoholic beverages in the UK are comparatively flimsy: they must not depict people drinking in unsafe environments, they cannot encourage excessive drinking nor claim to have health benefits. Significantly, they must not target the under 25s. Incidentally, or coincidentally perhaps, our under 25s aren’t binge drinking anywhere near as much as women in their thirties to fifties - a group whose drinking is now hitting very worrying levels indeed. Binge drinking amongst this sector of society increased 55% in the pandemic although it has been steadily rising for decades. This is directly attributed to the increase in social mobility and women gaining independent income thanks to regulation changes beginning in the 1970s. Women’s drinking is seen as also different to men’s, and thus how alcohol is marketed follows suit. Notwithstanding those gender differences, It is mandated in the UK that both static and dynamic adverts must contain the request that we “please drink responsibly”. This regulation is emphatically more polite, and less immoral, than the stark “smoking can kill you and harm your children,” which is typically stamped onto a packet of cigarettes.Marketing methods have also also changed substantially in recent years. Once upon a time sales pitches were confined to squares of various sizes in newspapers and magazines, or via moving images every fifteen to twenty minutes on a television programme. Over the run up to the Christmas period, I make a determined effort never to watch a moment’s live TV, simply so I can fast forward through the plentiful ads for seasonal booze. But in recent years the advertising bombardment has become relentless: a scroll through social media will have me assaulted every few moments. I like to soak away in the bath watching bemusing videos or documentaries but these days YouTube ads frequently interrupt my viewing. My personal algorithm seems to attract whiskey adverts, but it’s not adverse to gin either. It’s baffling to me: I’ve been sober for over five years now. Although I am largely immune to the enticements, I still have to make a concerted effort to reject some adverts as unwanted or unsuitable. Regardless, I am targeted and I can’t help but observe that the overall message is that the alcohol product will make me more sophisticated, more sexy and far more entertaining than usual. I used to believe that too. Only it didn’t, and I have ample war stories to bore my fellows in recovery with. The time I bought a jetski whilst intoxicated? Hilarious! The time I fell face-first into a wall breaking a finger and splitting my lip. Not so much. The time I abused someone I’d never met on an online forum thinking I was being funny. Absolutely cringe-inducing. Oh, but my drinking was absolutely fine, I told myself, because I only drank on so-called non-school nights and after six o’clock.Then there’s the culture of drinking. In March 2020, memes began to tackle the long-held myth that daytime drinking was the only problematic kind of drinking. All of a sudden, during the pandemic it was being normalised. “When lockdown is over, half of us will be expert bread-makers and the other half will be alcoholics,” was one that stuck with me.” Another one referred to the stringent stay-at-home orders: “Homeschooling is going well, two students have been suspended for fighting, and the teacher has been fired for drinking on the job.” Alcohol is now sold as an act of parental self-care, but substitute ‘drinking’ with ‘smoking’ and the humour is readily whipped away.One of AA’s most oft-quoted phrases is “alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful,” and so is its advertising. Seventy percent of us are aware of the link between smoking and cancer. Less than fifteen percent of adults know that drinking and cancer strongly correlate too. In women, one bottle of wine a week is said to be the equivalent of ten cigarettes (five for men) in terms of damage done.Smokers and drinkers rely on these substances to soothe, to entertain, to displace a myriad of unpleasant emotions, or elevate good moods. There’s no doubt that they work on psychological levels, but for some of us their lethal nature is bound by the fact we have a physiological reaction not universally applicable to the population at large. We still can’t be sure whether alcoholics are born or made, there’s evidence to support both ends of the dichotomy. Cannabis is said to be non-addictive, yet recent research is exploding this myth: and just like alcohol, not every user will end up dependent. The problem arises is that we don’t currently know who will become addicted and who won’t. And for those of us that do, many of us assume we are in the camp that isn’t. What’s even more perplexing is why these two very lethal substances are treated so differently when it comes to marketing. So please: do smoke responsibly but remember that alcohol can kill you and harm your children. Person Irresponsible is the author of Everything You Ever Taught Me, which captures her six-month hike across America, sober and cigarette-free, during the pandemic of 2020. She got into the recovery gig in March 2016, stopped smoking in late 2019 and gave up walking long-distances on 7th September, 2020.Like all addicts, she knows this is just a temporary reprieve and is likely to take up something new soon enough.


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Monday, November 15, 2021

The Subtle Ways That Drinking Makes Your Life Harder #health #holistic

If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol, it can be tempting to compare yourself to others. 

I used to love reading dramatic, rock bottom stories about other drinkers. I’d confidently reassure myself that things weren’t yet ‘bad enough’ for me to have to quit. 

But that meant I overlooked some important signs.

I’m talking about the small, subtle but important ways that drinking makes life harder. 

This is the stuff that really counts:

Key points:

The small ways that drinking makes life harder

Having to act like someone who is well rested, happy and hangover free is tiring. It’s hard to sustain that kind of performance. If you’re a secret drinker, maintaining your supplies and disposing of the empties takes work. Pretending that you’ve not had a few drinks takes effort. 

Maybe you’re unable to drive after a certain time or you avoid answering the phone. Perhaps you shop in different places in case someone notices, or you worry that you might smell of alcohol. The mental load of managing this is stuff draining.

 

Why this matters

As the saying goes, “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you`ll look back and realize they were the big things.” This principle applies here too. The examples outlined above may not be particularly noteworthy on their own, but the cumulative effect is soul destroying.

 

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Wednesday, November 10, 2021

Ethanol Abuse: What You Should Know #health #holistic

Most people who have struggled with alcohol abuse can name their poison — maybe beer, or wine, or a cool gin and tonic. Even after you’re in recovery, your drink of choice might come to haunt you now and again. Few people with alcohol use disorder would name ethanol as their drug of choice, but the truth is ethanol is present in all alcohols. Here’s what you should know about ethanol, also known as EtOH, and ethanol addiction.What is ethanol?Ethanol refers to an organic chemical compound. In fact, its chemical compound — EtOH — now doubles as a slang or street name. Ethanol is produced when grains or fruits are fermented. That means whether you’re drinking a cold beer or a sophisticated merlot, the effect the drink has on you can be traced back to ethanol. Most people don’t think of ethanol as a psychoactive drug, but it produces brain changes that are positive — like relaxation — and negative, like depressing the respiratory system.Ethanol is present in all alcoholic drinks, but it is found in plenty of other places as well. In higher concentrations alcohol is used for cleaners (looking at you, hand sanitizer), polishes, cosmetic products, plastic production and much, much more. Ethanol is even found in 97% of gasoline in the United States. Although you probably haven’t thought about ethanol much, chances are you come into contact with products made with ethanol daily — even if you’ve long been sober.How is ethanol made?Since ethanol is a naturally-occurring substance, it pops up any time grains or fruits are fermented. Ethanol isn’t added to beer or wine, but it is found within them, in varying concentrations.For commercial and industrial applications, ethanol is produced by fermenting corn. When the corn is distilled, it results in a liquid that is 10-15% ethanol. This is then boiled down until almost all the water evaporates and the liquid is 95% pure ethanol. Through straining, the remaining water is removed, leaving 100% alcohol behind.Ethanol and alcoholEthanol is pure alcohol. In the alcoholic beverages that people drink, this is measured using the proof system. To calculate this, manufacturers determine how much ethanol is in the beverage: this is known as alcohol by volume (ABV). The proof of the drink is double that amount. For example, a 50 proof alcoholic beverage contains 25% pure ethanol.This becomes important for people who have alcohol use disorder. As with many substance use disorders, people who misuse alcohol often build tolerance: that is, they need more of the substance in order to feel the effects it has. At the same time, they also develop a physical dependency, meaning that their body needs an every-increasing amount of alcohol just to function normally.People who have severe alcohol use disorder might find themselves reaching for alcohol that has a higher and higher proof or ABV. In severe cases, this could culminate in people consuming ethanol or products that contain a high concentration of ethanol but are not meant for human consumption.Even if you do not drink pure ethanol, you can still experience ethanol poisoning from drinking too much alcohol. Symptoms of ethanol poisoning can include stomach pain and vomiting, confusion, slurred speech, impaired function and slowed breathing. If you abuse EtOH frequently, you’re even at risk for organ failure.Treating EtOH Treating ethanol addiction can be difficult. By the time a person developed an EtOH addiction or dependence, they are often deep into alcohol use disorder. Alcohol, particularly at high concentrations, can affect nearly every system in the body, including the liver, cardiovascular system, digestive system and nervous system. In addition, living with alcoholism can erode a person’s mental and emotional health, and damage their relationships with loved ones.That’s why it is critical to get professional treatment for EtOH addiction. Treatment providers who are experienced at treating ethanol addiction will know how to address the physical, mental and emotional impacts of this disease. A treatment program that is highly individualized can help you understand why you are prone to misusing alcohol and change your patterns.


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Monday, November 8, 2021

5 Annoying Things That Happen When You Quit Drinking #health #holistic

Quitting drinking is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. 

Alcohol free living is amazing… but I can’t pretend it’s all been sunshine and rainbows 🌈

There are some really annoying things that might happen when you stop.

I thought I’d talk about how I’ve handled this stuff, in case it happens to you too. 

Key points:

1. Some friendships may change

Most drinkers end up surrounding themselves with other drinkers. Your decision to quit might make your boozy buddies feel uncomfortable or self conscious about their habits. Remember that a true friend will want to spend time with you, no matter what’s in your glass. 

 

2. Some people will pressure you to drink

It can be hard when someone says, “Oh you’re not going to leave me drinking on my own, are you?” This kind of pressure is all about the other person – you’re not responsible for their feelings. Someone who is truly comfortable with their drinking won’t care what you’re doing. 

 

3. Some people will say stupid things

There’s a bit of a theme here: other people’s reactions say everything about them and nothing about you. When I first quit drinking, I wanted the ground to swallow me up whenever something like this happened. Nowadays I genuinely don’t care.

 

4. You might feel like an awkward teenager

After years of using alcohol to numb the edges of life, sobriety can leave you feeling as if you’re walking around naked. Remember that this discomfort is temporary. When you start showing up as you – and you discover that people still like you – it’s a massive confidence boost. 

 

5. You might not be catered for

When I first quit drinking, I seemed to go to so many events where there were just two drink options: red wine or white wine! I always remind myself that it is completely ridiculous for there not to be any other options. So don’t hold back when it comes to asking where the alcohol free drinks are. 

 

Remember…

The challenges I’ve mentioned here are nothing compared to the horrors of drinking too much. If you’re strong enough to deal with horrible hangovers, you can totally handle this stuff. Sobriety is so, so worth it!

 

Looking for help and support to create an alcohol free life you love? Click here for details of my online coaching programme.

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Sunday, November 7, 2021

In Pillness and in Health: A Memoir #health #holistic

Chapter 4: FIORINAL 2008It was hard to determine what Kevin knew about my increasing binging. He was starting to speak up, noting I can tell when you’re on them or Your personality changes. I chose not to pay attention to what he said. As long as he didn’t stand in Our way, I really didn’t care what Kevin thought, and as I pulled into the pharmacy’s parking lot, I was no longer thinking about my husband at all.Flipping down the visor mirror, I slid on a generous layer of lipgloss. I always made an effort to look nice before I saw Her. My pupils were black, glinting with Her magnetic force, goading me towards a dark dance choreographed just for Us.Clip, clip, clip. My heels echoed across the parking lot. Fiorinal empowered me. Around Her I soared, in spirit and stature, insecurities like my stunted growth from kidney disease dissolved. I had always felt awkward about my height, but in this moment, invincible—all legs and no regrets.I entered my church. The antiseptic smells of witch hazel, hemorrhoid cream and Epsom salts comforted me like Roman Catholic incense swirling around the sanctified on their knees. Here I would drink the holy water. Here I would be saved.Fiorinal and I had discovered something that made our relationship even stronger. In Vino Veritas. This was how we would really bond. We did not care for the subtleties of pear notes or a blackcurrant after taste. We were fans of what was cheap and cold. My customized cocktail was simple: the coldest possible chardonnay and a fistful of blue plastic pills. No mixologist could ever trump this winning combination. Hold the fruit, straws and tiny umbrellas. I took my absolution straight up.I grabbed a sale-priced Mondavi and pretended to peruse the label. Really I was just fondling the nape to see if it was cold enough. Almost perfect. Nothing that a few ice cubes couldn’t cure. Then I marched towards the pharmacy.STEP 2: The Purchasing of the Medication. A BOTTLENECK of customers jammed the analgesic aisle. I joined the crooked, toe-tapping line, slumping my shoulders along with the others: the plaid-clad, blue-collared workers, the disheveled, scrunchied housewives and the hopped-up hipsters. My greatest fear was to approach the counter and have the pharmacist report they were out of stock.An elderly man was rambling on about his medication regimen, then his insurance, then, could they check that his generic medication was the same as the brand name? Oh, my God. How can an old man talk so much? Shifting my weight from one foot to the next, I rested the bottle along the back of my neck. Nice and cool. I wanted to yank him by his shirt collar and hurl him into a display of One Direction singing toothbrushes. I tried to make eye contact with one of my fellow prisoners-of-wait, to commiserate in mutual irritation. Everyone was either dialed-out, heads up, scanning the water-stained ceiling tiles or dialed in, heads down, scrolling on their phones. We were nothing if not a motley crew of disconnected pill poppers.“Next!”I approached the counter. The backs of my knees quivered as the cashier retrieved Her from a hanging hook on the back wall. Thank you, God. Folding over the top of the bag, he stapled it shut. My mouth watered. She was so close now. I calmly placed the wine on the counter and offered my debit card. I smiled brightly. He ignored me.“Have you ever taken this medication before?” I wanted to laugh in his face.“Yes. Thank you.” I replied. He lifted the bag. Our eyes met. I watched as it dangled from his arm over the DMZ of the pharmacy counter. No longer his, but not quite mine. His eyes narrowed as my fingers curled around empty air. I grabbed the bag and pirouetted away, tucking the wine under my shoulder and charging through the front doors.This was the feeling I wanted every moment of every day. Like fucking Christmas morning. Like fucking on Christmas morning. In this dance of anticipation, I was about to fall into my partner’s arms and succumb to every inch of Her charms; crossing over from Hen to Her, losing myself one delicious misstep at a time.I slid into the car, tucking a damp tendril of hair around my ear. Organizing my bags on the passenger seat, I glanced up to make sure no one was around. Sometimes I wondered if anyone else was doing what I was doing. Taking their controlled medication before heading home, despite a prescription label that warned: Do not drive on this medication. Mostly, I chose not to think moments like this through, never connecting the dots between my secretive adventures and how, a few days later, I would be dope sick and full of remorse. Just like alcoholics were men in trench coats who sat on park benches and drank from bottles concealed in paper bags, drug addicts were ne’er-do-wells who lived under bridges, jamming needles into their arms slamming heroin eight times a day. I did not know that addicts, like pills, came in all shapes and sizes.The label also read, Avoid alcohol while on this medication. I chose to focus on the part that said Alcohol may intensify effect. Wasn’t that a good thing? I was prescribed this medication. It was medicine I needed.My heart slowed as I lifted Her from the bag. Ker-thunk. Ker-thunk. Oh, there She was! Her sweet white mushroom cap topped Her peach-plastic shell. Palming the lid, it popped open with a satisfying crack. The acrid smell caressed the fine hairs of my nostrils, promising what I could not deliver for myself—freedom. Excerpted from In Pillness and in Health: A Memoir by Henriette Ivanans. Available at Amazon and elsewhere.


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Tuesday, November 2, 2021

Treatment Should Start by Addressing Core Issues. Here’s Why. #health #holistic

The traditional approach to substance abuse treatment is simple: walk into a 12-step meeting, and accept that you are powerless. For decades, this approach helped many people get sober. Unfortunately, many more realized that this approach was flawed. For these people, substance use wasn’t the only problem, but rather a symptom of a core issue that they were grappling with, like abuse, mental illness or trauma.Today many treatment centers simply follow the 12-step approach. However, comprehensive treatment centers, like Oceanside Malibu, have realized that addressing clients’ core issues at the same time that substance use is treated can provide the foundation for a long recovery.Here’s what too many people get wrong about substance abuse treatment, and how a better approach can improve outcomes.Why do core issues matter?Imagine you have a stuffy, runny nose. You go to the doctor and treat yourself with antihistamines and hot showers. That helps temporarily, but when you dig around you realize that the runny nose is being caused by mold in your apartment. No matter how well you treat your symptoms, they’re always going to come back, until you address the root cause of the symptom: the mold.The same is true of addiction. Sure, many people have a biological predisposition to addiction. Some substances are more addictive than others. But the simple truth is that most people with substance use disorder have core issues that they need to address in order to make the most of their recovery.Detoxing is a great first step. In the example involving physical illness, controlling the symptoms of the runny nose might give you the energy you need to deal with the mold. The same is true for addiction — once your body is clear from substances, you are able to look at your core issues, and it's critical that you do so.What if people aren’t ready to address core issues?Sometimes, there’s hesitancy to bring up core issues. Someone in substance abuse treatment has usually admitted to themselves and their loved ones that they have a problem. Although they’re willing to admit that they drink or use too much, it can be a big leap to discuss why they’re using. In some cases, addressing core issues can mean confronting truths that you’ve never acknowledged, even to yourself.Because of that, some treatment approaches shy away from addressing core issues, arguing that people who are newly in recovery might be too fragile, or not yet ready to deal with emotional and psychological scars.Glossing over core issues can reduce the turmoil that a person feels initially, but eventually the core issues will come to the surface and strain a person’s sobriety.What we can learn from co-occurring disordersNot long ago, co-occurring mental illness and substance use disorder were addressed separately. Practitioners thought that it was best to help someone get sober, and then focus on stabilizing their mental illness.Unsurprisingly, the untreated mental illness often made it hard for people to stay on track with their sobriety. Now, researchers acknowledge that an integrated treatment approach is best. People with co-occurring disorders receive addiction treatment at the same time that they get mental health treatment. This has vastly improved outcomes.Even people without a co-occurring mental health condition can learn from this: in order to stay sober long term, we need to address the issues that make us turn to drugs and alcohol, consciously or unconsciously.A multidisciplinary approachGetting to the crux of your core issues isn’t easy. However, a treatment center that provides a holistic, individualized approach to treatment can help you identify the reasons that you are prone to substance misuse, and deal with those issues head-on. Whether you have anxiety, trauma or the buildup of adverse childhood experiences, learning healthier coping mechanisms can set you up for success in recovery.Learn more about Oceanside Malibu at https://ift.tt/2YrFRKm. Reach Oceanside Malibu by phone at (866) 738-6550. Find Oceanside Malibu on Facebook.


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Monday, November 1, 2021

“Drinking Is My Reward At The End Of A Long Day.” #health #holistic

Work is over. Dinner is made. The kids are in bed. You finally have some time to yourself and you deserve a reward, right? 

When wine is your ‘me time’ the thought of quitting drinking can feel very depriving.

So how can we change this? That’s what this video is all about.

Key points:

You deserve a reward

You deserve a break and you deserve to be taken care of, but alcohol isn’t doing that. It doesn’t care about you. Start making a list of all the different ways in which drinking is not a reward at all, e.g. the hangover, bad sleep, regret etc.

‘Me time’ shouldn’t make you feel awful the next day. It’s obvious really, but the reason we overlook this logic is because we’re constantly told that drinking is self care. We hear this from friends, adverts, social media and cultural messages around alcohol. 

 

Sober rewards are right under your nose

What do you currently do whilst you’re drinking? Are you watching TV? Reading a book? Having a bath? Chatting with your partner, catching up with friends? Listening to music or enjoying some peace and quiet? 

The chances are that you’ve paired a lot of relaxing activities with drinking. But because you were drinking, you’ve given alcohol credit for the pleasure you’ve got from them. Those activities are all great in their own right.

 

You need some down time

Being sober doesn’t have to mean being ‘on’ all the time. You need time to rest and switch off at the end of the day. You can still ‘numb out’ from your life and your problems by binge watching Netflix if you want to. 

When you switch off and reward yourself with something other than alcohol, you start the next day feeling fine. After a good night’s sleep, the stuff you wanted to escape from might seem a tiny bit more manageable… and making long term changes feels much more doable.

 

Looking for a step by step guide to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here for details of my online course.

Download your free Wine O'Clock Survival Guide!

(It’ll help keep you on track tonight)

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