A Pep Talk For When You Feel Like Giving Up #health #holistic

If you’ve tried to quit drinking a few times already and it hasn’t worked out, I know you might be feeling pretty fed up.

It can be tempting to say, “What’s the point? I may as well not even bother.” And it can start to feel risky to try again and get your hopes up. 

But before you walk away, I’ve got a pep talk for you.

If you need a reminder that some of the biggest wins are built on a stack of setbacks hardly anyone talks about… this video is for you.

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Key points:

You’re in the losing part of winning

One of my favourite quotes is: “Winners lose more than losers ever will.” And it’s true. Behind every successful person are so many failed attempts. For example, JK Rowling had the Harry Potter manuscript rejected 12 times. Oprah was fired from her first TV job. Lady Gaga got dropped by her first record label. And I tried and failed to quit drinking more times than I can count – but I’m now 13 years sober! Failure is simply part of success. 

Look at your practical strategy

Ok, as well as giving you a pep talk, I want to make a practical recommendation. Do you actually have a plan for when a craving hits, or are you just hoping for the best? Think about what you might do in that moment. Do you know how to handle stress without reaching for a drink? That’s a common trigger too. Plan for this stuff now – and get help if you’re not sure how to handle these moments (this is one of the things I can support you with on my Getting Unstuck course).

Check your mindset

Long term, you don’t want sobriety to feel like a restrictive diet, or like the love of your life has been ripped away from you. The goal isn’t to spend your life heroically resisting something you secretly wish you could have. It’s to change how you see alcohol, so not drinking starts to feel like the better deal. You’ll know this is an area you need to work on if you feel like you’re missing out when everyone else has a glass of wine, or if you’re romanticising it a lot. This is the kind of work we tackle inside Getting Unstuck.

Give yourself another chance

What else in life have you been bad at, to begin with – but you kept going anyway and eventually nailed it? For me, it was learning to drive. I had lessons for about a year because I just couldn’t get it! Maybe for you it was something at work, or parenting, or a qualification. You didn’t quit those things just because you weren’t instantly good at them. Bring that same mindset here. The figuring-out stage is messy because change is messy. But it’s worth it, so please don’t give up. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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A Boring (But Effective!) Tip To Help You Stay On Track #health #holistic

Do you ever promise yourself you’re not going to drink – but then something happens to throw a spanner in the works? 

Maybe you have a terrible day at work and crave a G&T just to decompress afterwards. 

Or you’re out with friends and everyone else is ordering wine, so you say yes too. 

Or you get home to find your partner has already poured a glass for you and resisting seems futile… 

I’ve got a great tip to help you get round all these situations, but I nearly didn’t share it with you in case you think it’s boring! But the thing is, it also really works…

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Key points

Why planning ahead properly really works

By “planning ahead,” I mean thinking about your day in advance and deciding how you’re going to handle it without drinking. Do this first thing, when you’re feeling the most calm, motivated and committed to figuring things out. Look over the day and anticipate what’s coming up.

We do our best thinking in advance. We don’t do so well in the moment, when we’re caught off guard or we drift into a situation we don’t know how to handle. When we haven’t thought something through, we’re far more likely to freeze or make choices on autopilot. 

“My life is too unpredictable for planning…”

I agree that sometimes things happen that you can’t anticipate. However, that doesn’t happen as often as you might think. We humans are fairly predictable creatures and we tend to do the same things over and over again. You’ve probably noticed that there’s a real consistency to the things you tend to drink over. 

Just think about your biggest challenges right now. What are the things that have tripped you up in the past? Maybe it’s date nights, Friday evenings or certain situations at work. Any kind of repeated pattern is worth noticing and addressing – and planning another way to cope with these things will prevent a lot of your drinking.

“Planning ahead is boring!”

I know this is a boring tip with a boy scout vibe. Maybe you prefer to be carefree and spontaneous, so you’re wondering: who wants to be a boring planner?! If this all sounds a bit dull, I get it. But you know what? Repeatedly drinking more than you want to and waking up with regrets is also dull. 

And the good news is, this intensive planning ahead bit is only really necessary in early sobriety – you won’t need to do this forever. It’s just that right now, you are changing some of the things you do on autopilot, without thinking, and that takes a little work (and planning!) to begin with. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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3 Questions I Have For Brad Pitt (And One For You) #health #holistic

You’ve probably seen the headlines over the past week. Brad Pitt is drinking again, after seven years sober. And this time, he says he’s doing it “moderately”.

Cue a whole wave of reactions, with some people cheering him on… and others feeling worried, unsettled and even triggered by the whole thing. 

I spent a few days going through everything he said about his sobriety in the past (he used to be pretty effusive about it) vs what he’s saying now…

The result is this video. I’ve got three questions for Brad Pitt (and an important one for you too).

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Key points

None of us know what’s really going on for Brad Pitt

We only get glimpses into his life through interviews and headlines. That’s not the same as knowing the full story. Before we pick this apart, it’s worth remembering how little we actually know. Here’s what he says in Esquire magazine.

“I was sober for seven years. And then I got back off the wagon.” “[I am drinking] in a more restrained manner. I got overconfident a couple of times, went, Yep, nope, not good for me. Not in big quantities… I can have a few. But I can’t have a lot. I have to be professional about it.” 

Question 1: How is moderation really going? 

Based on the Esquire article alone, we can see this hasn’t been plain sailing. He admits to getting “overconfident” a few times already. This sounds like someone who has already had drinking episodes that were not moderate. Remember, we’re talking about an addictive, mind-altering drug here. It’s hard to exercise great control over these substances – and that’s not a character flaw or a criticism.

Question 2: How free and happy do you feel now, compared to before?

Brad Pitt is using words like “restrained” and “being professional” about his drinking. That sounds like someone who is putting a lot of effort and energy into managing this. We tend to have this perception that freedom and joy are found at the bottom of a bottle, but when I reflect on his words, I don’t hear much peace and freedom there. 

When you cut down, rather than cut out, you keep the door open to alcohol. You make it very important in your world. The alcohol noise creeps up again: when are you going to drink? What will you have? When? Where? How much? The decision fatigue is real. None of that says freedom, ease or peace to me – whereas all that stuff has been abundant for me in sobriety. Life gets so easy once you stop giving this liquid drug superpowers.

Question 3: Why did you go back to drinking?

After years of saying sobriety made him happier, this is the big unanswered question. What changed? What did he think he was missing? I don’t know the answer, and I don’t think we ever will. I hope he talked this through with someone else first – it’s all too easy, when we’re on our own, to forget the pain we experienced through drinking. Personally, I’ve been sober for 13 years and I can’t see a reason to go back to drinking. 

And now a question for you: Will Brad Pitt’s choices influence you?

You’ve got to do what’s right for you. At the end of the day, you are the expert in your life and your drinking. You’ve been there for all the ups and downs. We know very little about what’s really going on for Brad Pitt right now. But if we are looking at a tragedy here – and the slow unravelling of someone who’s gone back to something that’s caused them a lot of pain in the past – that is not someone you want to be following down that same path. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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5 Annoying Things That Happen When You Quit Drinking #health #holistic

Don’t get me wrong – quitting drinking is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. 

But I can’t pretend it’s all been sunshine and rainbows. 

In fact, there are some really annoying things that can happen when you stop.

So I thought I’d talk about how I’ve handled this stuff, in case it happens to you too. 

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Key points:

1. Some people will pressure you to drink

It’s horrible when friends nag you not to be boring and “just have one!” It’s a hard thing to navigate because so many of us are people pleasers who hate letting anyone down. But it’s much better to disappoint someone else than to disappoint yourself. Breaking a promise to yourself is going to cost you far more in the long run than a few minutes of awkwardly turning down a drink ever will. 

2. Some of your friendships will change 

We don’t like change, and we especially don’t like our relationships changing. But most drinkers end up surrounding themselves with other drinkers, and sometimes the thing you had in common with someone really was just what was in your glass. When you take that away, sometimes there isn’t much left. It can feel unsettling to notice this, but sobriety is a brilliant truth filter. 

3. Some people will say stupid things

Be prepared for the odd comment that makes you want the ground to swallow you up. I’ve had people ask me outright, “Why would you quit? Are you an alcoholic?” Nobody would dream of asking someone who quits smoking that question! In the early days, these comments can really sting. But this happens far less as time goes on, once the people around you adjust to the fact that you don’t drink anymore. Don’t let an early experience convince you this is how it’s always going to be.

4. You might feel like you’re walking around naked

After years of using alcohol to numb the edges of life and smooth over any awkwardness, sobriety can leave you feeling exposed and emotionally raw. It’s a bit like you’re learning how to be yourself again, and that takes some getting used to. It’s inconvenient, especially early on, but it doesn’t last. There’s something genuinely amazing about working out who you really are and discovering you’re still a complete badass without the boozy comfort blanket.

5. You won’t always be catered for 

There will be events where the only options are red or white wine, or where your alcohol-free drink turns up in a plastic tumbler while everyone else has a proper glass. When it does, remind yourself it’s genuinely ridiculous for there to be no alcohol-free options… and honestly, if anyone can be trusted with a glass, it’s surely a non-drinker?!

And remember…

The challenges I’ve mentioned here are nothing compared to the horrors of drinking too much. These annoying things are a walk in the park compared to waking up full of regrets, breaking a promise to yourself, letting other people down, letting life pass you by, not being able to remember important things or just feeling less than your best all the time. That stuff really is annoying. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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If You’re Going To Worry About Anything, Worry About This #health #holistic

If a lecture on the dangers of drinking was all it took to motivate someone to quit, you wouldn’t be reading this. 

And personally, I much prefer talking about the benefits of alcohol-free living, because it’s such a lifestyle upgrade after all.

But the other day I had a conversation with one of my clients that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about – as I explain in today’s video:

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Key points

The real worry

One of my Getting Unstuck students – who’s now in long-term sobriety – recently said to me, “Looking back, I often wonder why I was so afraid of sobriety, when I was never afraid to drink and face the consequences.” I was exactly the same. I spent hardly any time thinking about how scary it was to continue drinking. I glossed over those risks and put my time and energy into worrying about sobriety and how impossible it seemed. However, the potential for worrying things to happen is so much greater if you continue to use alcohol!

The risks of drinking

Most of us have done things whilst drinking that we regret. For example: walking home alone. Losing keys. Sending angry text messages. Having an argument that you can’t remember the next day. Staying up late drinking the night before an important presentation at work. Embarrassing yourself in front of people you wanted to impress.  Flying to the other side of the world on holiday and seeing very little because you’re hungover. Falling over, risking your health or injuring someone nearby… the list just goes on and on. 

Your brain is tricking you

The only reason that drinking seems safer right now is because sobriety is the unknown thing. Your brain likes certainty and alcohol feels relatively ‘safe’ and familiar compared to sobriety. But what I’m trying to show you is that drinking isn’t really safe at all. There are so many risks – you could be right around the corner from something bad happening. I’m not scaremongering here, but my point is, if you’re going to worry about anything, worry about the risk of drinking. Don’t be scared of sobriety, because there’s nothing to be scared about. If you quit booze, you won’t regret it!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Alcohol Is Stealing Genuine Joy From Your Life #health #holistic

It’s so sneaky, the way it happens.

You start thinking about opening a bottle of wine (or perhaps you’re already staring into an empty glass, wondering whether to have another…)

You’re distracted… so you don’t notice that a robbery is taking place.

Alcohol is quietly stealing genuine joy from you… but you might not even realise you’ve been robbed until much later on, because initially everything seems fine. 

But alcohol is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, as I explain in this video. 

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Key points

How the robbery works

When you become convinced that alcohol brings with it genuine joy, you develop tunnel vision. You become less interested in other activities, because your primary focus is your next glass and whether you’ll be able to have as much as you want to. Without even realising it, you push aside other opportunities for happiness.

The next day, you feel hungover and remorseful. When you’re beating yourself up and feeling ill, the chances of experiencing spontaneous, organic joy are severely diminished. Plus, regular heavy drinking can disrupt the brain’s reward system, so the other things in life that should naturally bring you joy may not register in quite the same way. Suddenly, alcohol seems like the only bright light in the day. 

You deserve genuine happiness

Can you see the trap here? When you turn to alcohol to feel good, you end up overlooking many of the other things in life that bring you genuine joy. Over time, repeated drinking can alter dopamine signalling and dull the brain’s response to everyday rewards, so those things won’t feel as satisfying as they once did.

Life needs to be about more than the liquid that is or isn’t in your glass. That cannot be the one thing you look forward to all day or the thing that your world revolves around. Because the more you do that, the smaller life gets.

When life is tough

I know there’ll be someone reading this who thinks: “But there genuinely is no joy in my life right now! If you had my life you’d want to drink through it too!” I understand that line of thinking, but the harsh reality is that drinking is keeping you stuck. 

While you’re drinking, the thoughts you’re having about your challenging situation will be very hard to change. You probably won’t feel like taking any positive action or trying to figure out how to handle your life in another way… and so the cycle continues. 

Fed up with alcohol stealing joy from your life? For help and support to break out of the alcohol trap, click here to find out more about Getting Unstuck, my online coaching programme. 

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You’re Not Missing Out: Sober Holiday Myths #health #holistic

At this time of year, I often hear from people who are worried they’re going to miss out if they stay sober on holiday.

They can’t imagine skipping cocktails by the pool or saying no to wine with their evening meal. 

When you’re feeling this way, it’s so easy to talk yourself into giving up on your sober goals (or sticking them on the back burner for a while).

I want to help you reframe the fear of missing out and see things in a different light.

Key points

Decide what really matters before you go

Just think about this: when you get back home and people ask how your holiday went, are you going to give them a rundown of everything you had to drink? I doubt it. Instead you’ll talk about how much rest you got, what you saw, and what the area was like. That’s the stuff that really matters.

Drinking alcohol will jeopardise your ability to come back rested and having done the things you planned to. So… if you’ve not experienced a sober holiday before, isn’t it about time you tried one? Why not change the script this year and stop missing out on the kind of break you deserve? 

Drop the idea that sober holidays = missing out

The truth is that everyone is missing out on something all of the time. It doesn’t matter whether they drink or not. It’s always helped me to remember that everyone is missing out on something – because it’s impossible to have a full or complete experience of anything. 

When you go away somewhere new, every single day is full of decisions about what you do and don’t do. Will you sunbathe or sightsee? Stay put or explore the area? Which restaurant will you go to? What will you order? You can’t do it all. No one can! 

Decide what you’re happy to skip

Once you really get your head around the idea that everyone is missing out on something, your focus can shift from “Am I going to miss out?” to “Ok, what is it I’m happy to miss out on?” 

Personally, I’m really happy to miss out on hangovers while on holiday. I’m also happy to miss out on the obsession that comes with trying to control alcohol at a time when I want to be relaxing. I don’t want to come home needing another holiday to get over the first one!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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