Why The Thing You Dread Could Be Your Sober Breakthrough #health #holistic

You want to stop drinking, but there’s something on the calendar that’s getting in your way.

Maybe it’s a holiday. A wedding. A weekend away with the girls. Whatever it is, you just can’t imagine doing it sober. 

So it makes total sense to delay any attempts at taking a break from drinking, right? Why stop drinking with a big, boozy occasion right around the corner? 

The problem is, though, there’s always something coming up. And every time you wait, alcohol stays in charge of your diary a little bit longer.

But what if these moments might be your biggest opportunity – not your biggest obstacle? 

That’s what I’m talking about in today’s video.

Key points

That empty space on your calendar isn’t coming

When was the last time you had a long chunk of time with no events coming up, or anything that felt like a reason to drink? The only time most of us came close to that was during lockdown (and that led people to drink more, not less!) The truth is, there will always be a birthday, a holiday or an event… always something that feels like a reason to postpone.

Every time you wait, alcohol wins

If you allow yourself to drink at every party, every wedding, every big occasion, then you never find out what you’re actually capable of. The fear just stays, and those events become proof that you can’t do it, rather than proof that you can. Over time, it will seem less and less possible to change – and alcohol will stay in charge. 

Big challenges = big breakthroughs

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Once you get through one challenging experience, everything shifts. You get real, lived evidence that you were wrong. (Yes, wrong!) That actually, you could do it. And that it wasn’t as bad as you feared. Once you have that knowledge, you start wondering what else you might have been wrong about…

Get the right help and support

Your brain loves to do the same thing over and over, so it will naturally resist doing anything different, such as not drinking on holiday. In fact, if you leave your brain unsupervised, it will focus on negative, unhelpful stuff, so it can say: “See! I told you this wouldn’t be as good sober!” This is where having the right support from someone like me can make all the difference (just check out what Jacky had to say about that in my video).

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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That Sunny Pub Garden Isn’t Telling You the Whole Story #health #holistic

When you walk past a pub garden and you see people drinking in the sunshine, what’s the first thought that runs through your head? 

Is it: “I’m so jealous, I want a drink too!” Or “Lucky them…” Or “Perhaps I could just have one…” 

If you’re trying to take a break from drinking right now, moments like these can make you want to ditch your sober goals. 

But before you do, let’s talk about what’s really going on – because I promise, it’s not actually about the drink!

Key points

Everything gets a glow-up at this time of year

It’s the same every spring. All of a sudden, you notice just how light the days are. The temperature is better. The blossom is out along with the bluebells and you feel the relief of winter being over. Everything seems to get a glow up – including alcohol.

Outside, glasses of wine will literally glint in the sun. (Everything looks better on a sunny day, right?) People sit outside to drink and catch some rays, and you’re noticing that too. All these things can come together like a giant, glowy advert for alcohol!

But what are you really craving? 

Let’s go a layer deeper, because there’s more to this than meets the eye. It’s not just about wanting a drink. The true craving might be about you wanting to duck out of your normal obligations. Or you might want to sunbathe and rest. Maybe drinking alcohol is the only way you’ve allowed yourself to do that in the past and drop the things you “should” be doing. 

Or perhaps seeing other people drinking in the sun reminds you of the people you love spending time with, and haven’t seen in a while. Or maybe your true craving is for a reward. Or a treat. These are real, legitimate needs and they deserve to be met. 

Hear me on this: you do not need to pour a glass of wine to give yourself permission to rest. You do not need alcohol to feel connected to people you love spending time with or to enjoy the sunshine. It’s just that alcohol gets bundled up into so many good experiences, sometimes it’s hard for us to see that. 

The darker side that you don’t see

The next time you walk past a buzzing pub garden, remember that all you’re seeing is a snapshot. You are seeing the highlight reel. You’re not seeing what happens later that evening, or the next morning. You cannot see the true cost of what’s in those glasses.

Some people may be very unhappy with their drinking, but we don’t see that from the outside. Some people might be sad, lonely or struggling to hear the conversation. Some “boozers” might not be drinking at all, actually – because alcohol-free drinks aren’t that easy to spot. 

Tip 1: Focus your mind on something useful

First things first, make sure you supervise your mind here by asking the right questions. A great question here is: “What am I gaining by staying alcohol free during this spring/summer season?” Stop letting your mind ruminate on the opposite and identify what those benefits are for you. 

Tip 2: Satisfy your real craving

Make sure you address the underlying need that’s coming up here. For me, seeing people drink in pub gardens reminds me of carefree afternoons with friends who I don’t see as much as I’d like to anymore. So I make sure I arrange something with them. At other times, I realise that I need some time off too, so I make sure to give myself that. What is it for you? 

Let me know…

What do you genuinely need on a sunny day? What’s really behind those cravings? And remember, you can have everything you want without drinking alcohol

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Struggling To Quit? Make Sure You Answer This Question #health #holistic

The morning after I’d been drinking, I’d often wake up in the early hours and wonder:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why do I keep doing this?”

“Why can’t I just get my act together?”

Lying in bed with my eyes closed and my head pounding, I had no idea that I was asking myself all the wrong things. 

If you’ve been drinking when you promised yourself you wouldn’t, there’s a much better question you should be asking instead.

This video explains it all. 

Key points

A better question to ask

If you’re struggling to quit, the best thing to ask yourself is this: “How does my drinking make sense?” “How does it make sense that I’ve developed this pattern?” You can learn a lot of useful stuff from this. This question forces you to bring curiosity without judgement to your situation and step into a calm, figuring-out mindset. That will get you so much further than beating yourself up with shame and disgust. 

Some examples

So how does your drinking make sense? Let’s say you drink in the evening to switch off after being on the go all day. It kind of makes sense to use alcohol for that purpose because it literally slows you down. If you’ve been really hard on yourself all day because you haven’t got as much done as you wanted, drinking alcohol might help you think about something different and stop beating yourself up.

Why this information is useful

A big part of quitting drinking is understanding yourself and why you drink. There’s always some benefit to your drinking, otherwise you wouldn’t do it. Some of those benefits are subtler than others, but they’re always there. Once you start identifying what that benefit is – and it might be different on different days – then you can begin thinking about how else you could meet those needs and manage your life. 

Curiosity vs shame

When you make your drinking a personal and moral failing (“What’s wrong with me?”), you end up shaming yourself, which can feel very painful. When you’re in that place, you close down the opportunity to learn from what happened, which reduces the chance of you making lasting changes. So please – drop the judgement and start being the scientist of your sobriety. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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31 Clues Your Drinking Is Becoming A Problem #health #holistic

How do you know when it’s time to do something about your drinking?  

If you’re a grey zone drinker like I was, the chances are it’s not that clear. 

Perhaps your life looks pretty normal, from the outside. You’re still showing up for your life and taking care of the 101 things on your to-do list.

And yet… you keep drinking much more than you planned to and you regret it afterwards. 

So how can you tell if you’re worrying over nothing, or if things have crossed a line? I believe there are 31 clues to pay attention to.

Looking for the free 7-day coaching week I mention in the video? Click here to find out more.  

Here are the 31 signs your drinking is becoming a problem – how many resonate with you?

1. You spend a lot of time thinking about drinking – what, where, when, how much.

2. You often promise to ‘just have one’, but that rarely happens. Once you start, it’s often hard to stop.

3. You’ve created lots of rules around alcohol, such as not drinking before a set time, only allowing yourself certain types of drinks.

4. You frequently break your own rules.

5. You feel ashamed of your drinking and beat yourself up about it.

6. You try to hide how much you’re drinking from those closest to you.

7. Your partner has expressed concern.

8. Your drinking feels like a big, heavy secret – it’s a source of stress and anxiety.

9. You dread putting out the recycling bin. Sometimes you dispose of empties away from your home so no one else notices.

10. Given the choice, your favourite way to drink is by yourself. Alone, you can have as much as you like without being judged. 

11. When socialising, you keep a careful eye on everyone else’s glasses to make sure you don’t drink too fast.

12. In public, you work hard to be moderate. People would be surprised to discover quite how much you drink at home. 

13. You’re passionate about running or yoga, so everyone assumes you must be super healthy. This makes you feel like a fraud.

14. You’re disappointed – angry, even – if you’re unexpectedly asked to be the designated driver.

15. When someone makes a joke about your drinking, you’ll analyse it for hours, wondering why they said it and what they really know.

16. You’re often anxious about whether there’s enough alcohol available. Will your supplies last? Should you get more?

17. You buy your wine from different shops on rotation because you’re worried the store staff will judge you.

18. You delay eating so you can drink first without a full stomach dampening your ‘buzz’.

19. You feel bad about rushing through things, such as your child’s bedtime story, to be able to drink.

20. You’re regularly blacking out. There are long periods of time that you have no memory of.

21. Mornings often begin with you trying to work out who you called last night and what you posted on Facebook. 

22. You frequently argue with your partner whilst drunk and then cannot remember why the next day.

23. You drink to manage your emotions. It’s your go-to whenever you’re stressed or sad or tense. You have a few other coping mechanisms.

24. After a change in circumstances, e.g. retirement or leaving a stressful job, you thought your drinking would naturally wind down, but it hasn’t.

25. You’re permanently exhausted. Alcohol is seriously affecting the quality of your sleep. 

26. You rarely have enough energy for the hobbies you used to love.

27. Your physical appearance is changing. Your face looks puffier.

28. You diet hard during the day, but you’re still putting on weight – you know the empty booze calories aren’t helping. 

29. You’re scared something bad is going to happen. You’re not sure what, but you’ve had a few close shaves recently, e.g. driving when you shouldn’t. 

30. You keep googling things like ‘am I an alcoholic?’

31. You find yourself on websites like this, looking for help.

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If You Feel Like a Bad Mum Because of Your Drinking, Watch This #health #holistic

If your drinking makes you feel like a bad mum, you’re not alone.

Maybe Mother’s Day stirred something up. Perhaps it got you thinking about your relationship with your kids and how alcohol impacts that.

It doesn’t matter how old your children are – the guilt can be a lot to deal with. 

If you’ve been beating yourself up, here’s what you need to know (and the key question to ask next).

Key points

Mummy wine culture has made this all worse

From wine bottles labelled “the kids are finally asleep” to prosecco playdates and memes about the wine you need for parenting, drinking and motherhood are often treated like one big joke. But behind all of that is something we don’t talk about enough – motherhood is relentless. 

You’re expected to work like you don’t have children and parent like you don’t have a job. Exhausted, overstretched, under-supported – of course you reached for something to take the edge off. Drinking can be part of bonding with other mums too. 

Drinking becomes how you handle everything

Somewhere along the way, wine stopped being an occasional relief and became your operating system. Perhaps your children have left home now but drinking is still how you decompress after work or how you get through a long day without losing it completely.

The pattern often stays because you’ve been practising it for years. So stop beating yourself up. You’re not broken or weak. You found a coping mechanism that genuinely helped for a while. The problem is it’s now causing more issues than it solves, and you’re self-aware enough to recognise that.

How could alcohol-free living help here?

Forget the guilt for a minute. Instead of cataloguing what you’re doing wrong, write down how you’d show up differently without alcohol. Maybe you’d have real energy in the mornings instead of forcing yourself through the school run feeling rough. Perhaps you’d say yes to spontaneous plans because driving in the evening would be no problem.

Maybe it would be easier to fully remember conversations with your teenagers. You’d be fully present for those random moments when they suddenly want to talk or need you. And you’d be role modelling another way of handling life. 

The question isn’t “Am I bad enough to need to stop?”

You don’t have to quit. It’s your life, your choices. But because it’s your life, you also get to decide whether alcohol is good enough to stay in it. You get to ask: would stopping for a while show me that life could be better – maybe in ways I haven’t even imagined yet?

So the question isn’t “Am I a bad mum who needs to quit drinking?” It’s more: “Is alcohol good enough for me and my family?” Only you can answer that. You get to make the decision here – the one that’s right for you.

If you know something needs to change but you can’t imagine quitting yet, come and join us for Freedom Week. You’ll get 7 days of coaching and support to help you break out of the drink-regret-repeat cycle.

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I’m Too Tired And Busy To Deal With My Drinking Right Now #health #holistic

You know you need to do something about your drinking. 

But every time you think about tackling it, the same thought stops you: “I’m just too tired to quit. I don’t have the headspace for this right now.”

You’re already exhausted. Overwhelmed. Running on empty. The idea of adding something else to your endless to-do list feels impossible.

I get it. And I’m not going to patronise you with that rubbish about how “we all have the same 24 hours in the day” (We don’t!)

But I do want to talk about why being tired and busy might actually be the most compelling reason to stop drinking now – not later…

Key points

Why alcohol, busyness and exhaustion are so tightly linked

If you’re in midlife, particularly perimenopause, hormonal changes mean you’re genuinely more likely to be sleeping poorly and feeling irritable. Your body’s ability to regulate mood and energy is shifting. You’re probably also at a phase of life where you’ve got more on your plate than ever. Doing well at work with real responsibilities. You might have kids at home. Ageing parents. Volunteer roles you took on because nobody else would.

Alcohol becomes the logical solution because it ticks so many boxes. It feels like a reward after a long day. Maybe it soothes some resentment that nobody’s noticed how much you’re doing. The sugar in wine gives you a little boost when you’re flagging. The really annoying thing about alcohol is that it almost works as a good fix here. And there’s nothing quite as addictive as something that almost works.

The “once things calm down” trap

You tell yourself: “Just as soon as this settles down, then I’ll tackle my drinking.” Once work quiets down. Once this is off my plate. It feels like you’re taking action – agreeing to deal with it at some point in the future. But that perfect moment never materialises. As soon as one thing clears, something else takes its place.

How long have you been waiting for things to calm down? If you’re in your forties or fifties, the demands aren’t disappearing anytime soon. The kids, the parents, the career pressure, the hormonal changes – it’s all here for a while. Waiting could mean waiting for years.

What if alcohol is causing your exhaustion?

At 4pm, alcohol might feel like the solution to your tiredness. But what if it’s actually the cause? Think about how often your drinking has you waking at 4am, unable to get back to sleep. Starting the day with sky-high alcohol-fuelled anxiety. The emotional overwhelm of crying in the shower, wondering how you’ll get through everything feeling this hungover.

How much time are you spending just managing your drinking? One of my clients described it as having a part-time job – buying it, hiding it, disposing of empties, planning around it, thinking about it constantly. Plus all the time spent googling for help, Alcohol isn’t the knight in shining armour rescuing you from bad days. It’s creating most of your bad days.

Your exhaustion isn’t the obstacle – it’s the sign

What if your busyness and overwhelm aren’t things that need fixing before you can stop drinking – what if they’re the exact sign that you need to stop now? When you quit drinking, you remove one of the heaviest things on your plate. And the women who are the most exhausted and run down have the most to gain. Because when the returns come – and they do – they’re dramatic.

You wake up without immediate dread. You’re sharper at work, more present at home. You stop beating yourself up and ruminating on everything you’ve messed up. The women who come to me feeling too tired to quit often make the most dramatic transformations. Not in spite of how exhausted they were, but because of it. Stopping drinking allows them to finally catch their breath again and get that headspace back. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Are You Taking Care Of Your Basic Human Needs? #health #holistic

Why does sobriety feel impossible on some days? You wake up determined, but by late afternoon, the cravings are so strong you can barely think straight.

It’s easy to assume this means you’re weak or lacking willpower. But what if the real problem is simpler than that? What if you’re just not taking care of your basic human needs?

I believe that behind every craving for alcohol is an unmet need. And if you’re constantly battling urges to drink, there’s a good chance you’re overlooking some key needs:

Key points

The four needs that fuel so many cravings

When your fundamental needs aren’t met, your cravings will be stronger and more frequent. You’ll be much more likely to reach for something outside yourself (like alcohol) as a quick fix. There are four needs in particular that make a big difference: sleep, nourishment, joy, and comfort. Get these right and sobriety becomes much more doable. Ignore them and you’ll constantly feel like you’re white-knuckling it.

Sleep: The one you’re probably sacrificing

If you’re used to burning the candle at both ends, you’re reducing your ability to handle stress and make decisions that align with your goals. Maybe you think you can’t go to bed earlier because you won’t get everything done. But by staying up later, you’re perpetuating a cycle where you always have too much on your plate and the sacrifice is always you – your sleep, your sobriety, your health.

Nourishment: Are you actually eating and drinking enough?

Being hungry and thirsty around wine o’clock makes cravings so much worse. Yet many women fall into a pattern of undereating – either to save calories for alcohol or because they don’t want to “take the edge off” the buzz. Are you eating enough actual food throughout the day? Plan a snack and some water around 4pm to ward off cravings.

Joy: The missing ingredient in your serious adult life

We might be grown-up, responsible adults doing important things, but we desperately need joy and fun. If you’re not getting that anywhere else, it makes sense that you try to inject some happiness into a boring day by pouring wine. So think about a typical day. What else is bringing you genuine joy? You need that somewhere in your day, otherwise alcohol will always seem like the only option.

Comfort: Learning to soothe yourself without wine

The world is uncertain and sometimes unsafe. Things go wrong, people disappoint us, and we have difficult days. There’s nothing wrong with needing comfort – we all do. But if your only way of comforting yourself is through drinking, you’re going to struggle. What else soothes you? For me, it’s calling a friend, having a bath, curling up with a book, and going to bed early. If you’re drawing a blank, think back to what comforted you as a child. You’d probably still be soothed by that same thing (or a version of it) now.

The key question: What do I need right now?

Can you see how different that is from asking “What’s wrong with me?” Instead, you’re just being curious. Noticing that you have needs. And that you’ve been using alcohol to fill some gaps. There’s nothing wrong with that. Alcohol worked for you, for a while, but now it’s probably creating more problems than it solves. Being able to meet your basic human needs without alcohol could change everything for you.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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