The Joy Of Being Sober Smug #health #holistic

In my drinking days, the idea that sobriety could be anything other than deprivation and punishment seemed completely laughable to me. 

I was sure that sober people were missing out, big time. So it’s kind of funny that I’m sat here, talking about the joy of being sober smug. 

That’s my name for that feeling when I’m out having a brilliant evening, and I know I’m also going to wake up the next day feeling great. 

You know you’re getting the best of both worlds and it’s truly awesome.

Key points

Sober smug = the best of both worlds

To me, it’s about that moment when you realise you are winning at life because sobriety is giving you more, not less. You are having a heightened experience because you don’t drink. It’s when you notice you’ve just had a really good evening out, sober. You’ve had fun, you’ve laughed… and you know you’re also going to wake up the next day with a clear head, good memories, and a good time behind you. It’s that breakthrough moment where you think: oh. Sobriety isn’t this stone in my shoe. It isn’t about living a life of less. It’s actually about squeezing more out of life, because you are available for more.

We’re trained to see sobriety negatively

I admit, even the word “sober” sounds boring and austere. (Sometimes I regret choosing The Sober School as a name, but we are where we are…) I know sobriety doesn’t exactly sound like an exciting lifestyle upgrade to begin with. Whereas with alcohol, we associate it with all sorts of positive, fun and joyful things. When I first stopped drinking, I did so very reluctantly because I thought I was giving up so much. Not just the booze, but all the fun that went with it. I’m glad to say the truth is very different!

The good times are just as good

When I think about my drinking, what strikes me now is how much I fixated on the first few minutes of drinking. That small moment of perceived glamour and fun and joy. I focused on that but completely overlooked the experience in the round. The overall shame, the regrets, the lack of joy, the consequences. Now I love being able to say no, I choose not to drink – and I know I’ll have a good time no matter what’s in my glass. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why “Everyone Else Drinks Normally” Is A Lie #health #holistic

Have you ever watched someone linger over a single glass of wine at dinner and wondered: how do they drink so… normally? 

When I was struggling with my drinking, I was constantly spying on other people’s drinking, comparing myself, convinced that I was the only one with a secret problem. 

I was wrong, of course, but that belief – about being the only abnormal one – really kept me stuck. 

I can’t go back in time and change the past, but I can tell you what I wish I’d known sooner: that “everyone else drinks normally” is one of the most damaging lies your brain will tell you.

That’s what I’m talking about in this video. 

Key points

What people say and do in public is just one version of the truth

What you see when you watch other people drink tells you almost nothing about their actual relationship with alcohol. Personally, I used to do a convincing act of being a moderate drinker in restaurants. I could do that because I knew I’d get my fill the moment I got home. Sometimes I’d leave parties early so I could go home and drink properly, unobserved. My point is – there was a big difference between the real me and the version of me you’d have seen in public.

Your brain fills in the gaps with the story it already believes

Think about how often we say “let’s go for drinks.” That phrase doesn’t tell you what anyone is actually drinking, but your brain assumes everyone is drinking alcohol because that’s the story it wants to confirm. Some of those people might be on sparkling water or drinking alcohol-free alternatives. (You genuinely can’t tell sometimes.)  If you’re comparing your insides to other people’s outsides, you will never come out of it well. You have full access to your own doubts, cravings, secrets and shame. You only get a surface glimpse of everyone else’s.

Feeling broken will keep you stuck drinking

When you believe that everyone else has “normal” drinking figured out and you’re the only one who can’t manage it, the conclusion is obvious: something is wrong with you. You’re defective. Broken. Weak. And shame that deep doesn’t make you want to change… it makes you want to keep trying to prove that you can drink normally! That shame will keep sending you back to alcohol, over and over, because needing to quit feels like a bad reflection on you.

You’ve actually had a normal experience with alcohol

Remember, normal drinkers get addicted to addictive substances. It’s not complicated. Addictive things are… well, addictive. That’s not a character flaw. It’s just what happens. I know for certain that you are not the only person in your world quietly struggling with this, but hiding it well. You’re good at hiding your drinking, right? So why would you be the only person doing that? You aren’t.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why The Thing You Dread Could Be Your Sober Breakthrough #health #holistic

You want to stop drinking, but there’s something on the calendar that’s getting in your way.

Maybe it’s a holiday. A wedding. A weekend away with the girls. Whatever it is, you just can’t imagine doing it sober. 

So it makes total sense to delay any attempts at taking a break from drinking, right? Why stop drinking with a big, boozy occasion right around the corner? 

The problem is, though, there’s always something coming up. And every time you wait, alcohol stays in charge of your diary a little bit longer.

But what if these moments might be your biggest opportunity – not your biggest obstacle? 

That’s what I’m talking about in today’s video.

Key points

That empty space on your calendar isn’t coming

When was the last time you had a long chunk of time with no events coming up, or anything that felt like a reason to drink? The only time most of us came close to that was during lockdown (and that led people to drink more, not less!) The truth is, there will always be a birthday, a holiday or an event… always something that feels like a reason to postpone.

Every time you wait, alcohol wins

If you allow yourself to drink at every party, every wedding, every big occasion, then you never find out what you’re actually capable of. The fear just stays, and those events become proof that you can’t do it, rather than proof that you can. Over time, it will seem less and less possible to change – and alcohol will stay in charge. 

Big challenges = big breakthroughs

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Once you get through one challenging experience, everything shifts. You get real, lived evidence that you were wrong. (Yes, wrong!) That actually, you could do it. And that it wasn’t as bad as you feared. Once you have that knowledge, you start wondering what else you might have been wrong about…

Get the right help and support

Your brain loves to do the same thing over and over, so it will naturally resist doing anything different, such as not drinking on holiday. In fact, if you leave your brain unsupervised, it will focus on negative, unhelpful stuff, so it can say: “See! I told you this wouldn’t be as good sober!” This is where having the right support from someone like me can make all the difference (just check out what Jacky had to say about that in my video).

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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That Sunny Pub Garden Isn’t Telling You the Whole Story #health #holistic

When you walk past a pub garden and you see people drinking in the sunshine, what’s the first thought that runs through your head? 

Is it: “I’m so jealous, I want a drink too!” Or “Lucky them…” Or “Perhaps I could just have one…” 

If you’re trying to take a break from drinking right now, moments like these can make you want to ditch your sober goals. 

But before you do, let’s talk about what’s really going on – because I promise, it’s not actually about the drink!

Key points

Everything gets a glow-up at this time of year

It’s the same every spring. All of a sudden, you notice just how light the days are. The temperature is better. The blossom is out along with the bluebells and you feel the relief of winter being over. Everything seems to get a glow up – including alcohol.

Outside, glasses of wine will literally glint in the sun. (Everything looks better on a sunny day, right?) People sit outside to drink and catch some rays, and you’re noticing that too. All these things can come together like a giant, glowy advert for alcohol!

But what are you really craving? 

Let’s go a layer deeper, because there’s more to this than meets the eye. It’s not just about wanting a drink. The true craving might be about you wanting to duck out of your normal obligations. Or you might want to sunbathe and rest. Maybe drinking alcohol is the only way you’ve allowed yourself to do that in the past and drop the things you “should” be doing. 

Or perhaps seeing other people drinking in the sun reminds you of the people you love spending time with, and haven’t seen in a while. Or maybe your true craving is for a reward. Or a treat. These are real, legitimate needs and they deserve to be met. 

Hear me on this: you do not need to pour a glass of wine to give yourself permission to rest. You do not need alcohol to feel connected to people you love spending time with or to enjoy the sunshine. It’s just that alcohol gets bundled up into so many good experiences, sometimes it’s hard for us to see that. 

The darker side that you don’t see

The next time you walk past a buzzing pub garden, remember that all you’re seeing is a snapshot. You are seeing the highlight reel. You’re not seeing what happens later that evening, or the next morning. You cannot see the true cost of what’s in those glasses.

Some people may be very unhappy with their drinking, but we don’t see that from the outside. Some people might be sad, lonely or struggling to hear the conversation. Some “boozers” might not be drinking at all, actually – because alcohol-free drinks aren’t that easy to spot. 

Tip 1: Focus your mind on something useful

First things first, make sure you supervise your mind here by asking the right questions. A great question here is: “What am I gaining by staying alcohol free during this spring/summer season?” Stop letting your mind ruminate on the opposite and identify what those benefits are for you. 

Tip 2: Satisfy your real craving

Make sure you address the underlying need that’s coming up here. For me, seeing people drink in pub gardens reminds me of carefree afternoons with friends who I don’t see as much as I’d like to anymore. So I make sure I arrange something with them. At other times, I realise that I need some time off too, so I make sure to give myself that. What is it for you? 

Let me know…

What do you genuinely need on a sunny day? What’s really behind those cravings? And remember, you can have everything you want without drinking alcohol

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Struggling To Quit? Make Sure You Answer This Question #health #holistic

The morning after I’d been drinking, I’d often wake up in the early hours and wonder:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why do I keep doing this?”

“Why can’t I just get my act together?”

Lying in bed with my eyes closed and my head pounding, I had no idea that I was asking myself all the wrong things. 

If you’ve been drinking when you promised yourself you wouldn’t, there’s a much better question you should be asking instead.

This video explains it all. 

Key points

A better question to ask

If you’re struggling to quit, the best thing to ask yourself is this: “How does my drinking make sense?” “How does it make sense that I’ve developed this pattern?” You can learn a lot of useful stuff from this. This question forces you to bring curiosity without judgement to your situation and step into a calm, figuring-out mindset. That will get you so much further than beating yourself up with shame and disgust. 

Some examples

So how does your drinking make sense? Let’s say you drink in the evening to switch off after being on the go all day. It kind of makes sense to use alcohol for that purpose because it literally slows you down. If you’ve been really hard on yourself all day because you haven’t got as much done as you wanted, drinking alcohol might help you think about something different and stop beating yourself up.

Why this information is useful

A big part of quitting drinking is understanding yourself and why you drink. There’s always some benefit to your drinking, otherwise you wouldn’t do it. Some of those benefits are subtler than others, but they’re always there. Once you start identifying what that benefit is – and it might be different on different days – then you can begin thinking about how else you could meet those needs and manage your life. 

Curiosity vs shame

When you make your drinking a personal and moral failing (“What’s wrong with me?”), you end up shaming yourself, which can feel very painful. When you’re in that place, you close down the opportunity to learn from what happened, which reduces the chance of you making lasting changes. So please – drop the judgement and start being the scientist of your sobriety. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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31 Clues Your Drinking Is Becoming A Problem #health #holistic

How do you know when it’s time to do something about your drinking?  

If you’re a grey zone drinker like I was, the chances are it’s not that clear. 

Perhaps your life looks pretty normal, from the outside. You’re still showing up for your life and taking care of the 101 things on your to-do list.

And yet… you keep drinking much more than you planned to and you regret it afterwards. 

So how can you tell if you’re worrying over nothing, or if things have crossed a line? I believe there are 31 clues to pay attention to.

Looking for the free 7-day coaching week I mention in the video? Click here to find out more.  

Here are the 31 signs your drinking is becoming a problem – how many resonate with you?

1. You spend a lot of time thinking about drinking – what, where, when, how much.

2. You often promise to ‘just have one’, but that rarely happens. Once you start, it’s often hard to stop.

3. You’ve created lots of rules around alcohol, such as not drinking before a set time, only allowing yourself certain types of drinks.

4. You frequently break your own rules.

5. You feel ashamed of your drinking and beat yourself up about it.

6. You try to hide how much you’re drinking from those closest to you.

7. Your partner has expressed concern.

8. Your drinking feels like a big, heavy secret – it’s a source of stress and anxiety.

9. You dread putting out the recycling bin. Sometimes you dispose of empties away from your home so no one else notices.

10. Given the choice, your favourite way to drink is by yourself. Alone, you can have as much as you like without being judged. 

11. When socialising, you keep a careful eye on everyone else’s glasses to make sure you don’t drink too fast.

12. In public, you work hard to be moderate. People would be surprised to discover quite how much you drink at home. 

13. You’re passionate about running or yoga, so everyone assumes you must be super healthy. This makes you feel like a fraud.

14. You’re disappointed – angry, even – if you’re unexpectedly asked to be the designated driver.

15. When someone makes a joke about your drinking, you’ll analyse it for hours, wondering why they said it and what they really know.

16. You’re often anxious about whether there’s enough alcohol available. Will your supplies last? Should you get more?

17. You buy your wine from different shops on rotation because you’re worried the store staff will judge you.

18. You delay eating so you can drink first without a full stomach dampening your ‘buzz’.

19. You feel bad about rushing through things, such as your child’s bedtime story, to be able to drink.

20. You’re regularly blacking out. There are long periods of time that you have no memory of.

21. Mornings often begin with you trying to work out who you called last night and what you posted on Facebook. 

22. You frequently argue with your partner whilst drunk and then cannot remember why the next day.

23. You drink to manage your emotions. It’s your go-to whenever you’re stressed or sad or tense. You have a few other coping mechanisms.

24. After a change in circumstances, e.g. retirement or leaving a stressful job, you thought your drinking would naturally wind down, but it hasn’t.

25. You’re permanently exhausted. Alcohol is seriously affecting the quality of your sleep. 

26. You rarely have enough energy for the hobbies you used to love.

27. Your physical appearance is changing. Your face looks puffier.

28. You diet hard during the day, but you’re still putting on weight – you know the empty booze calories aren’t helping. 

29. You’re scared something bad is going to happen. You’re not sure what, but you’ve had a few close shaves recently, e.g. driving when you shouldn’t. 

30. You keep googling things like ‘am I an alcoholic?’

31. You find yourself on websites like this, looking for help.

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If You Feel Like a Bad Mum Because of Your Drinking, Watch This #health #holistic

If your drinking makes you feel like a bad mum, you’re not alone.

Maybe Mother’s Day stirred something up. Perhaps it got you thinking about your relationship with your kids and how alcohol impacts that.

It doesn’t matter how old your children are – the guilt can be a lot to deal with. 

If you’ve been beating yourself up, here’s what you need to know (and the key question to ask next).

Key points

Mummy wine culture has made this all worse

From wine bottles labelled “the kids are finally asleep” to prosecco playdates and memes about the wine you need for parenting, drinking and motherhood are often treated like one big joke. But behind all of that is something we don’t talk about enough – motherhood is relentless. 

You’re expected to work like you don’t have children and parent like you don’t have a job. Exhausted, overstretched, under-supported – of course you reached for something to take the edge off. Drinking can be part of bonding with other mums too. 

Drinking becomes how you handle everything

Somewhere along the way, wine stopped being an occasional relief and became your operating system. Perhaps your children have left home now but drinking is still how you decompress after work or how you get through a long day without losing it completely.

The pattern often stays because you’ve been practising it for years. So stop beating yourself up. You’re not broken or weak. You found a coping mechanism that genuinely helped for a while. The problem is it’s now causing more issues than it solves, and you’re self-aware enough to recognise that.

How could alcohol-free living help here?

Forget the guilt for a minute. Instead of cataloguing what you’re doing wrong, write down how you’d show up differently without alcohol. Maybe you’d have real energy in the mornings instead of forcing yourself through the school run feeling rough. Perhaps you’d say yes to spontaneous plans because driving in the evening would be no problem.

Maybe it would be easier to fully remember conversations with your teenagers. You’d be fully present for those random moments when they suddenly want to talk or need you. And you’d be role modelling another way of handling life. 

The question isn’t “Am I bad enough to need to stop?”

You don’t have to quit. It’s your life, your choices. But because it’s your life, you also get to decide whether alcohol is good enough to stay in it. You get to ask: would stopping for a while show me that life could be better – maybe in ways I haven’t even imagined yet?

So the question isn’t “Am I a bad mum who needs to quit drinking?” It’s more: “Is alcohol good enough for me and my family?” Only you can answer that. You get to make the decision here – the one that’s right for you.

If you know something needs to change but you can’t imagine quitting yet, come and join us for Freedom Week. You’ll get 7 days of coaching and support to help you break out of the drink-regret-repeat cycle.

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