You’re Not Missing Out: Sober Holiday Myths #health #holistic

At this time of year, I often hear from people who are worried they’re going to miss out if they stay sober on holiday.

They can’t imagine skipping cocktails by the pool or saying no to wine with their evening meal. 

When you’re feeling this way, it’s so easy to talk yourself into giving up on your sober goals (or sticking them on the back burner for a while).

I want to help you reframe the fear of missing out and see things in a different light.

Key points

Decide what really matters before you go

Just think about this: when you get back home and people ask how your holiday went, are you going to give them a rundown of everything you had to drink? I doubt it. Instead you’ll talk about how much rest you got, what you saw, and what the area was like. That’s the stuff that really matters.

Drinking alcohol will jeopardise your ability to come back rested and having done the things you planned to. So… if you’ve not experienced a sober holiday before, isn’t it about time you tried one? Why not change the script this year and stop missing out on the kind of break you deserve? 

Drop the idea that sober holidays = missing out

The truth is that everyone is missing out on something all of the time. It doesn’t matter whether they drink or not. It’s always helped me to remember that everyone is missing out on something – because it’s impossible to have a full or complete experience of anything. 

When you go away somewhere new, every single day is full of decisions about what you do and don’t do. Will you sunbathe or sightsee? Stay put or explore the area? Which restaurant will you go to? What will you order? You can’t do it all. No one can! 

Decide what you’re happy to skip

Once you really get your head around the idea that everyone is missing out on something, your focus can shift from “Am I going to miss out?” to “Ok, what is it I’m happy to miss out on?” 

Personally, I’m really happy to miss out on hangovers while on holiday. I’m also happy to miss out on the obsession that comes with trying to control alcohol at a time when I want to be relaxing. I don’t want to come home needing another holiday to get over the first one!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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How I Knew It Was Time To Quit Drinking #health #holistic

How do you know when it’s time to quit drinking or take a break from booze? It can be tough to tell.

For many people there’s never a dramatic, rock-bottom moment that forces them to stop.

In fact, the call to ditch alcohol can be much more subtle than you might think. So how do you know when you’ve got to that point?

I asked some of my students to share what made them decide it was time to quit. I’m sharing their answers in today’s video – I think you’ll find them surprising, fascinating and perhaps very relatable. 

Key points

Helen

“I found I wasn’t being quite as honest about whether I’d had a glass of wine… or I would think, ‘I’m retired, I can have a glass of wine with a sandwich at lunchtime’. I knew by the Christmas of 2022 that I was in trouble. My drinking was controlling me. I wasn’t controlling it. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a day, more if we were socialising. But no one would have ever known, really, other than my very close family.”

Madeline

“I would say that in the decade previous, I’d probably have one terrible overdrinking episode a year. But then it started shifting to maybe two catastrophes a year. And in the last couple of years of drinking, it was going up to once a season. I would be drunk in a blackout. It was never my intention to drink like that. My intention at the beginning of the evening was to have 1 or 2 glasses of wine. It was like playing Russian roulette by the end.”

Marjorie

“There was no downtime. No matter how many times I would say, let’s not drink between Monday and Thursday, or not on a school night, or let’s take a week off – it just would never happen. One day towards the end of December, I sat and watched one of your videos, and I just had tears streaming down my face. And my husband Baz came in, and he said, ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ And I just said, ‘I really want to do something about drinking alcohol. I’ve just got to the end of what I can stand, and I want to make a big change.’”

Annette

“I knew I could not face another day of talking to myself in the shower and saying, ‘You’ve got to stop this, Annette.’ I’d looked at your blogs and had been circling around the outside like a shy child who wants to join the game but doesn’t really know how to ask. I cried every time I thought about it. I was in tears because I knew I really needed your help. And when I finally did it, it was such a relief.”

Alex

“Perimenopause and COVID hit at exactly the same time, and my drinking definitely accelerated. I don’t think I’ve ever felt lower in my life. When I think about the amount of time I used to spend bargaining with myself – the rules – it’s so hard. I was masking incredibly well. I’d been drinking at unhealthy levels for many, many years, but in 2022 I realised the cracks were beginning to show. I realised I can’t lie to myself anymore about where this was going.”

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Does My Wine Habit Show On My Face? #health #holistic

Does my wine habit show on my face? The morning after drinking, I’d peer into the mirror, wondering how to hide the redness and puffy, bloated look.

I know I’m not the only one who’s wondered if their skin is giving away their secret… and now companies are cashing in on that concern.

Recently I spotted an ad for a collagen brand that said: if you’re a woman in midlife, drinking alcohol will make you look older. The fix? Just buy their collagen powder (of course)!

The truth is, no supplement or beauty treatment can cancel alcohol’s impact. But sobriety, on the other hand, gets to work pretty fast.

Key points: 

Collagen can’t do that much

It’s misleading to claim that a collagen powder can rebuild “every single thing alcohol damages”.  It cannot magically reverse or rebuild to that level. In fact, when you look at more neutral research around what collagen can do, the evidence is a little underwhelming. This BBC article says collagen can keep skin elastic but won’t stop wrinkles, and this one describes collagen as “hugely hyped”.

Alcohol has a big impact on your face

Two large glasses of wine a night count as binge drinking for a woman, and that kind of drinking can leave your face looking puffier the next day, from fluid retention. Your skin can look duller and drier too, because alcohol messes with your sleep and your hydration, all the basics your skin depends on. If you’re prone to redness or rosacea, alcohol makes that worse. And there’s research linking heavier drinking in women with visible signs of ageing, things like under-eye puffiness and loss of volume in the face.

The real fix

Taking collagen to offset regular drinking is like mopping up a leak without fixing the pipe. It might help a little, but it won’t make a real difference while the cause is still there. Quitting drinking is the best way to see an improvement in your appearance and guard against future damage. Fun fact: when women come to work with me, I often ask them to take a selfie on the first day. The difference you see within 6 weeks is incredible!

If you want some help to address the root cause here – your drinking – I am running a free masterclass and coaching week. I’ll be sharing some key lessons, answering questions, and coaching people to get started on an alcohol-free journey. It all begins next Monday. Feel free to join, whether you’re taking collagen or not! Just register below. 

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I Got Tired Of Pretending Everything Was Fine #health #holistic

One of the things that drove me to quit drinking was all the pretending I had to do. You know – the acting. 

Acting as if I didn’t have a hangover. Acting as if I didn’t mind whether we opened another bottle or not. Acting as if I could just take it or leave it.

And I reckon my acting skills were pretty good, if I do say so myself. But my goodness… it was so draining.

Eventually I got tired of pretending everything was fine – and I explain why in this video.

Key points

Are you acting more than you think?

There’s the pretending (when you open a bottle of wine with your partner) that it’s your first drink of the day, but you’ve already had a few glasses. Or going out for a meal and acting as if you couldn’t care less whether you order another (despite desperately hoping that will happen). There’s the acting that comes with trying to behave like a completely sober person when you’re not – or someone who remembers what happened last night… 

Pretending is tiring

My main goal with this post is to get you thinking about how heavily the acting and pretending might be weighing on you. I don’t think I realised what a weight it all was until I stopped. The temptation is to minimise it – to brush over it as if it’s no big deal. There’s a part of us that wants to believe that if we can pretend everything is fine then it must be fine.

Imagine just being yourself

Think about all the effort and energy you’re putting into pretending everything is fine. What else could that be used for? Just think how much time, focus and brainspace it would free up. I quit drinking because I realised that I like an easy life and I promise, alcohol-free living really is that easy option. Drinking is always the harder choice in the long run.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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10 Reasons To Quit Drinking, According To Sober Celebrities #health #holistic

I’ve always been fascinated by the sheer number of celebrities who quietly don’t drink alcohol.

I’m not talking about famous people who’ve fought well-publicised battles with booze. I’m more interested in the celebs who quietly decided that Hollywood’s champagne lifestyle wasn’t for them.

Their reasons for quitting are varied and inspiring, so if you’re looking for some motivation to stick to your sober goals, you’re going to love this video.

Key points

1. Have more energy

“When I stopped drinking I found I had more of everything – more time, more energy, more enthusiasm. I’d been frightened about what would happen if I let it go; what would replace it, but I realise now that LIFE replaced it.”

Susannah Constantine

2. Lose the self-hatred

Things I don’t miss: being sick, wondering what I did last night, finding out what I did last night, shame, the self-hatred of hungover parenting, wondering if people know I’m still drunk, thinking about the next time I drink and knowing that time it will be amazing, wondering why other people can just have two, nightclubs.” 

Josh Widdicombe

3. Have more fun

“When I got sober, I thought giving up was saying goodbye to all the fun and sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite. That’s when the sparkle started for me.”

Mary Karr

4. Enjoy more free time

“I was starting to get bad hangovers on not much booze. A glass of wine gave me a headache or even sickness the next day. The after-effects weren’t worth the fun times. I lost half days, sometimes full ones… my life is so busy that if I do have a day off, I don’t want to spend it vomiting.” 

Sarah Millican, comedian

5. Lose weight faster

“I realised there were lots of empty calories in booze so that is why I gave it up. If you add up through the week what I’d consume in alcohol calories it was mad. I don’t miss any of that. Now instead of partying until 6.45am, I’m in the gym at 6.45am.” 

Lisa Riley, actress

6. Burn the candle at both ends

“Since I stopped drinking eight years ago I’ve fallen in love with mornings. It was hard at first, but now being sober feels like a superpower. I can go out with friends, have a great night and be up at six, ready for the day.”

Roisin Conaty

7. Make the most of life

“I was so concerned what you thought of me, how I was coming across, how I would survive the day… I always felt like an outsider. I just lived in my head. I realized I wasn’t going to live up to my potential, and that scared the hell out of me. I thought, ‘Wow, I’m actually gonna ruin my life; I’m really gonna ruin it.'”

Bradley Cooper, actor

8. Stop lying

“I’m an actor, so I acted … all the fucking time. One thing [addiction] does is make you clever at not giving anything away. People think junkies and alcoholics are slovenly, unmotivated people. They’re not – they are incredibly organised. They can nip out for a quick shot of whisky and you wouldn’t know they have gone. It’s as if … you are micro-managed by it.” 

Simon Pegg, actor

9. Do better at work

“I realised it was not going to end well. I got into the acting programme, it was very challenging, I was hungover and I wasn’t doing so well in my classes. I thought, ‘Do you know what? It’s going to be one or the other. I can’t really have both.’”

Kristin Davis, actress

10. Gain superpowers

“Someone asked me about the ‘secret to my success’, and the first thing that came to my mind was my sobriety…my sobriety isn’t a limitation. Sobriety isn’t even a “have to”—it’s a superpower.”

Brené Brown

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The Joy Of Being Sober Smug #health #holistic

In my drinking days, the idea that sobriety could be anything other than deprivation and punishment seemed completely laughable to me. 

I was sure that sober people were missing out, big time. So it’s kind of funny that I’m sat here, talking about the joy of being sober smug. 

That’s my name for that feeling when I’m out having a brilliant evening, and I know I’m also going to wake up the next day feeling great. 

You know you’re getting the best of both worlds and it’s truly awesome.

Key points

Sober smug = the best of both worlds

To me, it’s about that moment when you realise you are winning at life because sobriety is giving you more, not less. You are having a heightened experience because you don’t drink. It’s when you notice you’ve just had a really good evening out, sober. You’ve had fun, you’ve laughed… and you know you’re also going to wake up the next day with a clear head, good memories, and a good time behind you. It’s that breakthrough moment where you think: oh. Sobriety isn’t this stone in my shoe. It isn’t about living a life of less. It’s actually about squeezing more out of life, because you are available for more.

We’re trained to see sobriety negatively

I admit, even the word “sober” sounds boring and austere. (Sometimes I regret choosing The Sober School as a name, but we are where we are…) I know sobriety doesn’t exactly sound like an exciting lifestyle upgrade to begin with. Whereas with alcohol, we associate it with all sorts of positive, fun and joyful things. When I first stopped drinking, I did so very reluctantly because I thought I was giving up so much. Not just the booze, but all the fun that went with it. I’m glad to say the truth is very different!

The good times are just as good

When I think about my drinking, what strikes me now is how much I fixated on the first few minutes of drinking. That small moment of perceived glamour and fun and joy. I focused on that but completely overlooked the experience in the round. The overall shame, the regrets, the lack of joy, the consequences. Now I love being able to say no, I choose not to drink – and I know I’ll have a good time no matter what’s in my glass. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why “Everyone Else Drinks Normally” Is A Lie #health #holistic

Have you ever watched someone linger over a single glass of wine at dinner and wondered: how do they drink so… normally? 

When I was struggling with my drinking, I was constantly spying on other people’s drinking, comparing myself, convinced that I was the only one with a secret problem. 

I was wrong, of course, but that belief – about being the only abnormal one – really kept me stuck. 

I can’t go back in time and change the past, but I can tell you what I wish I’d known sooner: that “everyone else drinks normally” is one of the most damaging lies your brain will tell you.

That’s what I’m talking about in this video. 

Key points

What people say and do in public is just one version of the truth

What you see when you watch other people drink tells you almost nothing about their actual relationship with alcohol. Personally, I used to do a convincing act of being a moderate drinker in restaurants. I could do that because I knew I’d get my fill the moment I got home. Sometimes I’d leave parties early so I could go home and drink properly, unobserved. My point is – there was a big difference between the real me and the version of me you’d have seen in public.

Your brain fills in the gaps with the story it already believes

Think about how often we say “let’s go for drinks.” That phrase doesn’t tell you what anyone is actually drinking, but your brain assumes everyone is drinking alcohol because that’s the story it wants to confirm. Some of those people might be on sparkling water or drinking alcohol-free alternatives. (You genuinely can’t tell sometimes.)  If you’re comparing your insides to other people’s outsides, you will never come out of it well. You have full access to your own doubts, cravings, secrets and shame. You only get a surface glimpse of everyone else’s.

Feeling broken will keep you stuck drinking

When you believe that everyone else has “normal” drinking figured out and you’re the only one who can’t manage it, the conclusion is obvious: something is wrong with you. You’re defective. Broken. Weak. And shame that deep doesn’t make you want to change… it makes you want to keep trying to prove that you can drink normally! That shame will keep sending you back to alcohol, over and over, because needing to quit feels like a bad reflection on you.

You’ve actually had a normal experience with alcohol

Remember, normal drinkers get addicted to addictive substances. It’s not complicated. Addictive things are… well, addictive. That’s not a character flaw. It’s just what happens. I know for certain that you are not the only person in your world quietly struggling with this, but hiding it well. You’re good at hiding your drinking, right? So why would you be the only person doing that? You aren’t.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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