4 Reminders You Might Need At This Time Of Year #health #holistic

Alcohol seems to be everywhere at this time of year. 

It’s piled high in the shops on special offer. It’s on the Christmas cards with those “GIN-gle bells” jokes. It’s in every advert on TV and at pretty much every festive gathering.

When alcohol is connected to everything, it’s easy to lose your way or feel as if you’re missing out.

So here are four reminders you just might need to hear right now.

Key points

Alcohol is not magic joy juice. 

It’s not fun in a bottle or liquid happiness. How do we know? Because of all those times when you’ve drunk loads and haven’t had a good time. Alcohol doesn’t have the power to transform a boring or bad situation into a good one. Otherwise every single night drinking would be fun. People wouldn’t get into arguments. The reality is that drinking at a bad party just means you’re getting drunk at a bad party.

If you want the festive season to be memorable, you’ve got to be sober for it. 

Everyone talks about creating special Christmas memories, yet alcohol literally deletes your ability to remember things. When you look back on previous years – honestly – what was the true cost of drinking? I remember Christmas Days, forgotten presents, nearly-burnt dinners, and hours spent feeling dreadful wishing the day would end.

Sobriety is worth the awkwardness!

Yes, it can feel uncomfortable to turn down the offer of an alcoholic drink or have people asking questions. But that discomfort is relatively short-lived. It’s nothing compared to the weeks of discomfort that you’ll go through if you drink and break a promise to yourself. 

Alcohol doesn’t fix your problems – it keeps you stuck with them. 

Christmas can highlight what’s missing or not working in your life. It’s tempting to drink to avoid thinking about absent people, difficult relationships, or unmet expectations. Whilst it’s tempting to paper over the cracks with alcohol, that’s also a trap because drinking means you’re less likely to take action and more likely to decide you’re unable to change. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why Can’t I Be A Take-It-Or-Leave-It Drinker? #health #holistic

You’re at a family gathering and notice that your cousin leaves without finishing their glass. 

Then go to your work Christmas party and you’re sure that one of your colleagues has nursed the same drink all evening (and seems perfectly content).

Meanwhile, you’re on your third glass and counting down until you can leave, go home and drink properly.

So why can other people take it or leave it when you can’t? Let’s talk about it.

Key points

You’re not broken or lacking willpower

First things first: other people aren’t take-it-or-leave-it drinkers because they’re better humans than you. They’re not more disciplined, more controlled or more evolved. You don’t have a disease and you’re not broken or weird. You just have a coping mechanism that’s not working for you anymore. That’s it.

You might be wrong about other people

First things first: are you SURE these other people are take-it-or-leave-it drinkers? I ask because I bet there are people in your life who have no idea how much you drink at home. They’ve seen you drinking quite moderately in public and have no idea how much you drink at home. Unless you’re with someone all day, it’s hard to know exactly how much other people drink. 

Alcohol might not be their thing

A lot of take-it-or-leave-it drinkers don’t get excited about alcohol because they have a different crutch. Maybe it’s food and they struggle with their weight. Maybe it’s gambling, overspending, overworking. I bet there’s something you know other people struggle with that you don’t, because that thing isn’t your thing. 

Take-it-or-leave-it drinkers often dislike being drunk

What if the thing you thought was so great about drinking is the thing they hate? Some people don’t like the weird, dizzy sensation. They don’t like losing control. This means that the very thing you’re looking for at the bottom of a bottle is the thing they’re trying to avoid at all costs. Not wanting to be drunk is, obviously, a strong deterrent to drinking more!

They might be comfortable feeling their feelings

Consider for a moment how often you drink because you’re trying to escape something – stress, sadness, loneliness, frustration, resentment. What if you’d learned how to be okay with those big feelings and didn’t need something outside yourself to manage them? That would really reduce your desire to drink – right? Most of us haven’t been taught how to manage our feelings, but some take-it-or-leave-it drinkers do know this.

Stop comparing and focus on you

I hope this post has provided some answers. But to be honest – there comes a point in all this when you’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other people and focus on what’s right for you. What if it’s okay that other people drink and do their thing, because that’s the right choice for them? And what if the right choice for you is taking a break from drinking? You might not be thrilled about the idea, but I promise – it could be the best thing you ever do.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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How To Tell People You’re Not Drinking This Festive Season #health #holistic

The invitations are starting to roll in: Christmas parties, family gatherings, work dos, dinners with friends, Thanksgiving…

And you just know that whenever there’s something to celebrate, alcohol is going to be involved.

If you’re newly sober (or trying to be), how on earth do you handle this? How do you tell people that (gasp!) you’re not drinking this festive season?

Maybe you’re still drinking right now because the thought of explaining why you’re not drinking just feels like too much.

Here’s how to navigate those conversations with confidence.

Key points

Get your own head straight first

Before you worry about what to say to anyone else, you need to believe – in your bones – that what you’re doing is completely fine. Because it is! You’re just choosing to put a different liquid in your glass. I know that statement massively simplifies all of this, but it’s true. 

The liquid you were drinking before wasn’t making you feel great, so now you’re choosing something different. You’re allowed to do that. Remind that worried part of your brain that what you’re doing really isn’t radical or unreasonable. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.

Have a simple line ready

Although no one is owed a blow-by-blow account of why you’ve stopped drinking, it makes sense that some people will ask about it, if they’re used to seeing you drink. Don’t misinterpret their questions as an attack – often people are just curious. Or nosy. Or not really thinking!

So you need a simple explanation that feels good to say but is also firm, confident and clear. Something like:

– “I’m taking a complete break from alcohol because my hangovers are so much worse in perimenopause. It’s just not worth it for me and I’m enjoying not drinking.”

– “Even half a glass messes up my sleep these days. So I thought I’d see what’d happen if I took a complete break for a while and so far, I’m noticing a big improvement. I’m curious to see if things continue to improve.”

– “Alcohol makes my anxiety so much worse the next day. My doctor recommended I take a complete break from drinking for a while, so that’s what I’m doing. I’ve been surprised by how little I’ve missed drinking.”

Notice how these answers aren’t dramatic. They don’t over explain. They also include something positive, which helps to position this as a decision that’s going well for you and isn’t up for negotiation.

Communicate in advance if you can

If possible, let people know before the event. Then you don’t have to think on your feet because it’s already been said. You’re managing expectations and building in some accountability for yourself because you’ve told people what to expect.

The other advantage to having these conversations in advance is that if you’re going to someone’s home, you can plan what you want to drink instead. You don’t want to be left with nothing but water because the host was surprised and didn’t cater for you. You could offer to bring an alcohol-free punch that others can enjoy too.

Remember, most people will be fine about it

When you tell people you’re not drinking, I think you’ll be surprised how many don’t care! When alcohol has been a big deal to you for a long time, it’s easy to assume everyone feels the same way. But for many others, what you do and don’t drink isn’t that interesting. 

Besides, other people change too. Even old drinking buddies – who you were certain would be outraged if you didn’t join them for a drink – might surprise you with their open mindedness or willingness to do something different!

If someone just won’t let it drop…

This is annoying, I know. Remind yourself that you’re not responsible for their happiness. Because honestly, If they need you to drink the same liquid as them so they can feel okay about their own choices… that’s their problem. 

A question I love to use here is: “Why is it important to you that I drink?” Their answer to this often reveals something useful. Sometimes people are just convinced you’re not having a good time, sober, and that’s why they keep pushing. Once you know that, you can reassure them you’re having a good time, alcohol-free.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The Problem With ‘Being Good’ Monday To Thursday #health #holistic

I used to try really hard to ‘be good’ and stay sober from Monday to Thursday.

(I could get my head around staying alcohol free during the working week. But a sober Friday, Saturday and Sunday? That didn’t seem possible.)

Because I wasn’t ready to quit completely, being good during the week seemed like the next best thing. 

But what I didn’t realise is that there’s a huge problem with Monday to Thursday sobriety – and that’s what I’m talking about in this video. 

Key points

You’re repeating the hardest part over and over

The early days of not drinking are some of the toughest. When you only stop for four days at a time, you force yourself to experience them again and again and again. In a four-day window of sobriety, you barely get alcohol out of your system. And because it’s such a short window, you don’t get enough time to form new habits or have any breakthroughs. 

Without realising it, you only ever experience the difficult bit and never reach the good days, because you don’t stick with it long enough. When I look back on my own struggle with alcohol, I can see what an unhelpful pattern I was in. No wonder sobriety felt miserable and unsustainable!

You’re teaching your brain that sobriety only works on “boring” days

If you’re only ever sober during the working week, you subconsciously teach yourself that alcohol-free living is only possible when you’re in a routine, at work and not doing anything fun. You’re treating sobriety like a strict diet – i.e. deprive yourself for a few days, then have a blowout at the weekend.

Long-term, successful sobriety happens when you realise you can live a full and happy life without alcohol, no matter what day it is. But in order for that breakthrough to happen, you do have to be willing to practise being alcohol-free at the weekend too.

You don’t get time to do the real work

When I was repeatedly stopping for a few days at a time, I never had time to work on my sobriety. All I could really do is cross my fingers and hope for the best! It was sheer willpower and a sense of “I really should do this” that got me through wine o’clock without drinking.

When you’re in this pattern, you don’t have time to get clear on why you’ve been drinking in the first place. You can’t tackle root causes, find new healthy coping mechanisms, work on your mindset or educate yourself about how alcohol affects your mind and body. There simply isn’t time.

So – is this pattern actually working for you?

When you’re in the thick of it, you don’t always get a moment to step back and ask yourself this question. I invite you to do this today. If you’re genuinely happy “being good” during the week and then drinking through every weekend, no problem. But if you’re not happy, it might be time to change things up by taking a longer break from drinking. 

If that’s intimidating right now, it’s ok. But consider this: what if you weren’t doing this alone? What if you had support to handle things sober? This is what I help women with at The Sober School. What if you could actually feel so good on your not-drinking days that you genuinely wanted more of them? I promise this is possible for you – if it wasn’t, no one would choose to stay alcohol free! 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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“Could I Ever Just Have One Glass Of Wine With Dinner?” #health #holistic

“Would I ever be able to control my drinking so it’s just one glass of wine when I go out for dinner?”

Maybe you can get on board with being sober most of the time, but there are a few situations where you just can’t imagine not drinking. A nice meal out. A holiday. A celebration.

In an ideal world, you’d love to be able to drink on those occasions. So can you get there? Let’s talk about it. 

Key points

You must begin with a complete break first

If you’re anything like me, you probably won’t want to hear this. But if you’d like to become a take-it-or-leave-it drinker, you do need to practise the “leaving it” part for a good long while first. You need to build up that sober muscle and get used to not drinking. Because if you really want to be that “just one drink on a special occasion” person, then sobriety is going to have to become your norm, most of the time.

Taking a complete break gives you time to work on fixing the things that got you drinking in the first place. More often than not, your drinking is filling a gap for something you’re missing or a skill you don’t have yet. So you might need to do some work on creating new coping mechanisms and handling life a bit differently. This is the work we do inside my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.

After doing the work, the question changes

If you take a proper break from drinking (anything from 6 weeks to 100 days) and do it right, you’ll come out the other side feeling great physically and mentally. If you do your myth busting work and find new coping mechanisms and let new habits form, you will feel very different about alcohol. You’ll be much less impressed and drawn to it. You might actually feel free from it. 

So then the question shifts. It stops being “Can I have one glass of wine with dinner” and becomes “Why would I want one glass of wine with dinner? What would be the point?” That’s the place I’m at these days and this is what I want for you too. This position puts you in control again. When I was drinking, I never thought I’d stop loving wine, but now I don’t even like the smell of it!

What’s realistic here? 

Let’s say you stop for a while but you don’t do the mindset work or get coached through this, and at the end you still miss wine. Could you go back to drinking occasionally? It’s not impossible, but it’s not likely. Just think about what you’d say to a smoker, who took a break from smoking and then planned to only light up on “special occasions”. It’s risky, right?

I often work with women who’ve stopped for a while and then gone back to drinking “a bit,” only for it to slowly increase again. Sometimes the effort of trying to stop after just one glass of wine takes up so much mental energy, it’s not worth it. There’s nothing shameful about this. I think going back to drinking can be part of the journey and help you figure out what you really want.

The good news…

The main thing I want you to understand here is that there is a way out of this that feels genuinely good. Your choice isn’t between “drink and be miserable” or “stay sober and be miserable.” There’s a way of doing this that leaves you feeling so good, you don’t even want that glass of wine with dinner anymore. This is something I can support you with inside my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.

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“Sometimes I Drink And Nothing Bad Happens” #health #holistic

Sometimes it couldn’t be clearer. You wake up in the morning knowing your drinking has to change and you must do something about it.

But then there are those times when you drink and everything works out fine. You don’t overdrink and nothing bad happens.

This used to confuse me so much. “I must have been overreacting before!” I’d tell myself. “Everything is fine!”

So I’d drink again… only this time, things wouldn’t be fine and I’d be left scratching my head, wondering why. 

If you can relate, let’s talk about why your drinking might be different at different times – and what to do about it…

Key points

First, remember what we’re dealing with here

Alcohol is an addictive, mind-altering drug that’s glamorised and romanticised. It’s marketed to us as a treat, a coping mechanism and something that delivers good times. Given the addictive nature of this drug and the way it’s positioned in our culture, can you see how the stage is set from the start for us to overdrink and become reliant on it? That’s not a personal failing or character flaw – that’s just the way things are.

Why your drinking sometimes feels “fine”

If you need to make a good impression on others – or perhaps you’re networking, focused on the conversation or trying to remember names – you might slow your drinking down to stay sharp. If you’re with friends who don’t drink, you might naturally match their pace in a bid to fit in, because in the moment that feels more important than drinking as much as you’d like. 

Another time your drinking might seem more “normal” is if you’re interrupted halfway through, or you’re eating at the same time, or having a drink after a significant break. Time off from drinking lowers your tolerance, so you won’t need as much to feel the effects. You might then be able to stop at one and feel satisfied, which gives the illusion of control. But the next time you drink, you’ll need a bit more. And then a bit more… 

Examine what happens MOST of the time

If you’re trying to decide whether you need to take a break from drinking, the key is to stand back and look at the bigger picture. If I’d done this sooner, I’d have noticed that more often than not, I was unhappy with my drinking. Those occasions when my drinking felt “fine” and nothing bad happened were fairly rare, to be honest. It’s just that I was great at laser focusing on those rare times!

I ignored the fact that the majority of my drinking happened at home, alone, and in that environment I really struggled to stop. I always had more than I planned. So please don’t make my mistake. Don’t fall into the trap of fixating on that random Wednesday in September when you were with so-and-so and had just one glass. Make sure you’re taking in the bigger picture, not just the exceptions. Track this if you need to.  

What if the “worst option” brings you everything you want?

I know that complete sobriety might sound restrictive and unappealing right now. But what if it’s actually lighter and easier than constantly thinking about your drinking and battling with yourself over how much to drink? I’ve been sober for a long time now and I have so much more peace and freedom than I ever had as a drinker. I love the fact that alcohol doesn’t dominate my headspace – I don’t even think about it anymore.

I care so little about the contents of my glass that these days I’ll go out and just have water. I don’t even order a mocktail. It’s just not a big deal. And it’s that lightness, that “this isn’t a big deal” energy – that I so desperately wanted to have with alcohol. But it never worked out that way. There just came a point where I realised the route to peace and freedom – for me – was taking alcohol out of the picture completely. I wonder if that might be the path for you too.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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“Sometimes I Drink And Nothing Bad Happens” #health #holistic

Sometimes it couldn’t be clearer. You wake up in the morning knowing your drinking has to change and you must do something about it.

But then there are those times when you drink and everything works out fine. You don’t overdrink and nothing bad happens.

This used to confuse me so much. “I must have been overreacting before!” I’d tell myself. “Everything is fine!”

So I’d drink again… only this time, things wouldn’t be fine and I’d be left scratching my head, wondering why. 

If you can relate, let’s talk about why your drinking might be different at different times – and what to do about it…

Key points

First, remember what we’re dealing with here

Alcohol is an addictive, mind-altering drug that’s glamorised and romanticised. It’s marketed to us as a treat, a coping mechanism and something that delivers good times. Given the addictive nature of this drug and the way it’s positioned in our culture, can you see how the stage is set from the start for us to overdrink and become reliant on it? That’s not a personal failing or character flaw – that’s just the way things are.

Why your drinking sometimes feels “fine”

If you need to make a good impression on others – or perhaps you’re networking, focused on the conversation or trying to remember names – you might slow your drinking down to stay sharp. If you’re with friends who don’t drink, you might naturally match their pace in a bid to fit in, because in the moment that feels more important than drinking as much as you’d like. 

Another time your drinking might seem more “normal” is if you’re interrupted halfway through, or you’re eating at the same time, or having a drink after a significant break. Time off from drinking lowers your tolerance, so you won’t need as much to feel the effects. You might then be able to stop at one and feel satisfied, which gives the illusion of control. But the next time you drink, you’ll need a bit more. And then a bit more… 

Examine what happens MOST of the time

If you’re trying to decide whether you need to take a break from drinking, the key is to stand back and look at the bigger picture. If I’d done this sooner, I’d have noticed that more often than not, I was unhappy with my drinking. Those occasions when my drinking felt “fine” and nothing bad happened were fairly rare, to be honest. It’s just that I was great at laser focusing on those rare times!

I ignored the fact that the majority of my drinking happened at home, alone, and in that environment I really struggled to stop. I always had more than I planned. So please don’t make my mistake. Don’t fall into the trap of fixating on that random Wednesday in September when you were with so-and-so and had just one glass. Make sure you’re taking in the bigger picture, not just the exceptions. Track this if you need to.  

What if the “worst option” brings you everything you want?

I know that complete sobriety might sound restrictive and unappealing right now. But what if it’s actually lighter and easier than constantly thinking about your drinking and battling with yourself over how much to drink? I’ve been sober for a long time now and I have so much more peace and freedom than I ever had as a drinker. I love the fact that alcohol doesn’t dominate my headspace – I don’t even think about it anymore.

I care so little about the contents of my glass that these days I’ll go out and just have water. I don’t even order a mocktail. It’s just not a big deal. And it’s that lightness, that “this isn’t a big deal” energy – that I so desperately wanted to have with alcohol. But it never worked out that way. There just came a point where I realised the route to peace and freedom – for me – was taking alcohol out of the picture completely. I wonder if that might be the path for you too.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Trick Or Treat? Stop Making Alcohol So Special #health #holistic

Halloween’s coming up and it got me thinking about the way we often describe alcohol as a treat. 

“It’s been a long day… I’m going to treat myself to some nice wine.”

“Let’s get another bottle, we deserve a treat!”

The language we use around alcohol is really important. When you’re describing booze as a treat, you’re making it sound very special and irresistible.

In this video, I’ll show you what alcohol really is…

Keypoints

What is a treat?

In other areas of life, a treat tends to refer to a high quality experience. For example, going to a fancy restaurant or the luxury of having some time to yourself. Alcohol just cannot be a true treat – it’s a cheap, mass market drug that’s linked to cancer, depression, anxiety, diabetes and even death. Stop “treating” yourself to a hangover.

“I’m going to TRICK myself tonight…”

We should replace the word “treat” with the word “trick” – because that’s exactly what alcohol is. Just think of all the different things we expect alcohol to do: make us happier, more sociable, help us relax, rev up, calm down, be more assertive, creative, braver, or sleepier. No drug can do all those things! It’s all a big trick.

Look after yourself properly

I invite you to treat yourself to a night off from alcohol and its games. Treat yourself to a new book, a long bath, or a date night at your favourite restaurant. Maybe a treat for you is half an hour reading a magazine in peace. Proper treats should take care of you and leave you feeling good. They won’t make you feel like crap afterwards. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Do You Genuinely Like The Feeling Of Being Drunk? #health #holistic

Quick question: do you genuinely like the feeling of being drunk? 

I know this seems like a strange thing to ask. 

Back in my drinking days, I would’ve dismissed this question without even thinking about it. Of course I liked the feeling of being drunk! Doh. 

But to be honest, I never stopped to properly think about the physical sensation of getting drunk. And actually… when you really analyse it… it’s quite a strange thing.

Like I said, you need an open mind for this conversation, but if you’re open to questioning this important element of drinking, this video is for you.

Keypoints

Step into someone else’s shoes

When we’re analysing the physical sensation of being drunk, it helps to think about someone who never normally drinks. Picture a teetotal friend, a child or young adult. What would their experience be, if they were tricked into consuming alcohol? 

Perhaps you can remember your first ever drink. What was that like? Personally I didn’t like it. The room began to spin and I felt awful. It wasn’t very relaxing or fun. The feeling of being drunk was horrible. (But this didn’t put me off. I was sold on alcohol before I even drank it.)

Stick to the facts

Drop any romantic or cute language and nail down the facts. When you feel drunk you tend to get a bit dizzy and lightheaded. You might feel a bit slow and out of control. Your vision, speech and coordination may change.

If you had to take some medication and the side effects included an inability to think clearly, speak articulately or control your actions – and the risk of vomiting, heart disease and cancer – you’d probably be alarmed, not excited. 

So why do we romanticise the feeling of being drunk?

Alcohol is the most normalised and glamorised drug on the planet. We grow up watching the adults around us drink. We’re brainwashed into thinking booze is a good thing before we’re old enough to have our first glass. Hence why I’d decided drinking was a good thing, despite my lived experience of it. 

The language we use to describe alcohol use is very positive as well. When we talk about other drugs, we say people are getting a fix, getting high, or using. But with booze we’re just ‘getting tipsy’ or ‘feeling a bit merry’. 

The good news…

If we can convince ourselves that using alcohol is fun – despite it being a toxic, cancer-causing substance that makes us feel ill – then we can talk ourselves into quitting too. 

If we can believe that it’s fun to be zombified, then we can use that same brain power to get excited about sobriety too. We can start telling ourselves a better, sexier story about living life alcohol free and showing up for our one and only life.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why Willpower Won’t Fix Your Drinking (And What Will) #health #holistic

I bet you’re someone who gets things done. 

When no one else volunteers, you step up. When you’re feeling rough, you still make sure everyone else is taken care of. When work gets overwhelming, you just push through.

You’ve spent your whole life solving problems through grit, determination and sheer effort. But there’s one thing that brute force doesn’t seem to fix: your drinking.

If you’ve been beating yourself up thinking it’s just a willpower issue – that you need to try harder, be more disciplined – then this video is for you.

Key points

Even the most driven women struggle with moderation

Let me tell you about Madeline, one of my students. She’s a senior lawyer who put herself through law school as a single mum and became a partner in a male-dominated profession. She’s moved mountains through sheer determination.

Yet she couldn’t figure out how to stop drinking after that first glass of wine. Once she started, she couldn’t stop. If someone as driven and intelligent as Madeline can’t moderate, doesn’t that make you wonder if it’s not about willpower at all?

This isn’t a YOU problem – it’s an alcohol problem

Alcohol is a mind-altering addictive drug that affects the part of your brain responsible for making good decisions. When you’re drinking, you’re using a substance that compromises your own ability to think clearly, stop when you intended to and remember the rules you set for yourself.

You’re not weak or lacking self-control. It’s not that you’re failing at moderation – moderation is failing you. You don’t need more willpower; you just need a different approach and a strategy that actually works.

What actually works

Don’t waste time doubling down on what you’ve tried before or beating yourself up with guilt and shame. The key here is to start changing the way you see alcohol – stop viewing it as something you should be able to control and start seeing it like other addictive drugs.

Another crucial part is understanding why you drink and what you might really need instead. Behind every urge to drink is a normal, understandable human need that’s currently going unmet. When done right, alcohol-free living shouldn’t feel like punishment – it should feel like relief.

Freedom comes when you stop relying on willpower

Once you change your mindset around alcohol, you don’t have to grit your teeth and “get through it” anymore. Madeline is nearly two years alcohol-free now and has made significant changes in her life, including at work.

I’ve been alcohol-free for 12 years, and I wouldn’t have gotten here if it required persistent willpower and grit. I don’t have enough of that. I like an easy life, and that’s actually why I love not drinking so much.

You’ve got to stop telling yourself that you’re broken. You’re certainly not weak. If anything, you’ve probably got too much willpower, which is why you can’t let go of the idea that you can muscle through this with brute force. But unless that approach is working brilliantly for you, maybe it’s time to try something different.

Join me for Freedom Week! Let me show you a gentle, smart approach to sobriety. Click here for all the details.

FREEDOM WEEK

7 Days To Rethink Your Drinking And Take Back Control

JOIN HERE

FREEDOM WEEK

7 Days To Rethink Your Drinking And Take Back Control

JOIN HERE

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Do Not Do This! 10 Ways To Sabotage Your Sobriety #health #holistic

I love sharing tips and advice to help you quit drinking or take a break from booze. 

But I also have another area of expertise…

I spent years mastering the art of NOT quitting drinking

Seriously – I used to be an expert at sabotaging my own sobriety. A real “specialist”

I thought it might be helpful for me to share some of my, ahem, “pro tips” in today’s blog.

That way you can make sure you’re not repeating my mistakes

10 Ways To Sabotage Your Sobriety:

1. Set an unrealistic goal, like quitting ‘forever’. This is nice and overwhelming.

2. Decide that stopping drinking isn’t enough – you’re also going to put yourself on a strict diet too. This is a sure-fire way to ensure you’re definitely overwhelmed and feeling deprived, fast. 

3. Buy books about sobriety, but don’t actually read them properly. Make sure you only skim read a few chapters and look for all the ways your drinking is different from the author’s.

4. Do not spend any time planning ahead for wine o’clock or working out some alternative coping mechanisms. Just cross your fingers and hope for the best instead.

5. Spend some time romanticising alcohol and thinking about how you’ll never, ever have fun again. Think about all the good times you had together and gloss over the bad moments.

6. Crowdsource opinions on your drinking from friends who love booze because their opinion is impartial and absolutely vital here.

7. Google the health benefits of drinking wine. You’re sure there are some… you just have to avoid the articles about the increased cancer risks first.

8. Decide that sobriety is too drastic and that moderation will probably work this time. It hasn’t worked all the other times but you’ve got a good feeling this time.

9. Realise that moderation still doesn’t work. And not only that, it’s really hard work, having alcohol play on your mind all the time.

10. Convince yourself that you’re a hopeless case because you still have no idea how to stop drinking and make sobriety stick. Feel crushed and very, very sad. 

There is another way…

Are you tired of sabotaging your sobriety, going round in circles, and feeling stuck? Perhaps you don’t want to quit drinking for good, but you know you can’t stay as you are…

Click here to join me for Freedom Week and I’ll show you how to escape the drink-regret-repeat cycle.

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3 Mindset Mistakes That Make Sobriety Harder #health #holistic

September’s here, and that back-to-school feeling is in the air.

If you’ve been drinking more than you planned to over the past few months, now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf and get back on track. 

In today’s blog, I’m talking about how to avoid 3 common mindset mistakes that can make sobriety much harder than it needs to be!

Key points

Mindset mistake 1: Turning “I don’t want to” into a big deal

In other areas of life, we don’t let “but I don’t want to” put us off. We get up early when we want to lie in. We tidy up. We go to work. We don’t wait until we feel motivated – sometimes things just have to get done, no matter what.

It’s normal to feel resistant to things at times. It only becomes a problem when we talk ourselves into thinking that we should wait until we feel more inspired before we can take action.

Mindset mistake 2: Slashing your car tyres

Getting a flat tyre is annoying. It’s a temporary setback – but that’s all it is. What you don’t do is get so mad that you slash your other three tyres so you’re well and truly screwed. So don’t do this with sobriety either.

One bad day doesn’t need to lead to four bad days. Don’t abandon your sober car in a ditch because it’s got one flat tyre or the windscreen wipers have stopped working. The quicker you get back on the road, the quicker you’ll get to where you want to go.

Mindset mistake 3: Asking pointless questions

Pointless questions include, “Why is everything so hard for me?” “Why can’t I get anything right?” “Why can’t I quit drinking?” These are terrible, pointless questions because you can’t possibly answer them in a way that helps you move forward. 

Don’t waste time and energy answering pointless questions – just ask better questions instead. For example – “I’ve noticed I’m finding this hard right now. What help could I get to make this easier?” Or, “What’s one thing I’m willing to do differently next time?”

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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5 Unusual Reasons To Quit Drinking Alcohol #health #holistic

Are you still on the fence about taking a break from drinking?

Maybe you’ve heard all the usual reasons: great sleep, no hangovers, saving money, looking better… but perhaps that’s not quite hitting the mark for you.

Sometimes we need to hear something a bit different to make it all click into place.

Today I’m sharing five unusual reasons to quit drinking alcohol that might just give you that fresh perspective you’re looking for…

Key points

Reason 1. You stop falling for a marketing scam

Over the past few decades, there’s been a very effective “pink-ification” of the alcohol industry to get women drinking more. Pink gins, fruity cocktails, low-calorie wines, “wine o’clock” culture, glittery prosecco with the girls – none of this used to exist.

This blatant marketing to women is often presented as empowerment or equality, but it’s not. We’re just being sold to. When you quit drinking, you’re no longer falling for one of the biggest marketing cons of our time.

Reason 2. You get your identity back

When you’re drinking, you stop doing a lot of the things that make you… you. Maybe you’ve stopped reading because you can’t focus properly when drunk. Perhaps you don’t paint anymore because it seems like more effort than drinking. Maybe you’ve lost your passion for theatre because shows interrupt your drinking schedule.

What part of your identity has quietly slipped away because alcohol has taken its place? Sobriety gives you the chance to rediscover who you really are. There’s a happier, more confident version of you that will return when you take alcohol away. 

Reason 3. You get your self-trust back

Drinking made me a terrible liar – to myself. I’d say “I’m just going to have one” or “It’ll only be a small one,” but even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t true. When you can’t trust the words coming out of your own mouth, it makes it harder to believe in yourself in other areas of life.

When you keep letting yourself down with this one thing, night after night, it makes it harder to push yourself and excel elsewhere. You don’t go for that promotion or try that new thing, because you’re feeling unsure and doubting yourself.

Reason 4. You stop distracting yourself from uncomfortable emotions

Ok, so this might not sound appealing, but you actually need those uncomfortable emotions – the boredom, the loneliness, the stress. They’re telling you something important about your life.

Drinking through these emotions keeps you stuck in them, repeating the same patterns over and over rather than changing anything. When you’re sober, you can actually hear what your emotions are trying to tell you – and act on them. 

Reason 5. You get to flip roles in your life

Let me tell you about my student Katie. She used to spend her summers drinking at her local pub, watching people kayak down the river as she got drunk and staggered home. Now that she’s sober? She’s the one kayaking past the pub on Friday nights!

I love that story because it reminds me of my own role flip. I used to be the hungover woman in the cafe on Sunday mornings, wondering how other women had already been to the gym. Now I get to be one of those productive people who work out early and get on with their day.

Which of these unusual reasons to quit drinking alcohol resonates with you the most?

I’d love to hear in the comments which one gives you something new to think about. And remember, you can quit drinking for any reason you like. It might be one big thing, or a range of smaller reasons… it might be something noble and serious or something much smaller and sillier than that. There are so many reasons to quit drinking alcohol!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The 3 Words On Wine Bottles That Make Me So Mad #health #holistic

Have you ever noticed those three little words on the back of wine bottles? 

“Please drink responsibly.” Every time I see them, I roll my eyes.

Here we have a product that causes cancer, depression, anxiety, dementia, diabetes, and even death… and yet the label fails to mention a thing. 

That’s because there’s a whole industry banking on you continuing to blame yourself for drinking too much (whilst also seeing wine as pretty harmless and normal…).

In this video, I’m unpacking the sneaky psychology behind ‘drink responsibly’ – and sharing some brutally honest alternatives…

Key points

“Please drink responsibly” puts all the blame on you.

Those three words imply that any unwanted health risks or side effects can be avoided if you can just get a grip and drink responsibly. All the focus is on you – not on the drug itself. That seems mad to me, given what we now know about there being no safe level of drinking and the fact that this drug kills over 10,000 people in the UK every year.

Plus, recent research has found that women who binge drink just two large glasses of wine in one sitting face a 2-3 times higher risk of liver damage – even if they’re only doing that once a week. I don’t know about you, but I’ve drunk way more than that in one sitting, many times.

We’re already very responsible, thank you.

The outrageous thing is that the women I work with at The Sober School are incredibly responsible people. They’re juggling work, businesses, caring for children or grandchildren, managing their own health struggles, navigating perimenopause – and they keep everything going no matter how bad they feel. Their drinking often happens because they have too many responsibilities on their shoulders.

So what should wine bottles actually say?

I asked some of my Sober School graduates what they think should be written on the label instead. Their suggestions were brilliant and brutally honest. Things like: 

• Warning: Only drink this if you want cancer, dementia, anxiety, weight gain, insomnia, and fake friends.
• Warning: Many precious moments of your life will be taken by drinking this toxic thief.
• Warning: Alcohol impacts your ability to create memories.  You will also do some really stupid s@*t while drinking this – regrets and shame are unavoidable.
• Warning: May cause you to fight with your spouse and not remember what you said or did the following morning
• Warning: Can gradually screw up your life without you noticing it has taken hold until you’re in a right mess!

The alcohol industry is banking on you staying hooked.

I know, it’s tempting to get to this point in the post and say, “Well – she would say that, wouldn’t she?” Maybe this all sounds a bit preachy and holier-than-thou (though, I really hope it doesn’t). Because actually, I have a serious point to finish with here: there’s a whole industry counting on you to continue blaming yourself for your drinking.

They’re banking on you to continue normalising alcohol and looking for solace at the bottom of a bottle. They’re going to be laughing all the way to the bank as they reassure you that these pretty bottles of rotting fruit juice are elegant, magical elixirs. Just drink “responsibly” and things will be fiiiine. I hope you can see through the nonsense.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course

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When You Can’t Imagine Living Life Without Booze #health #holistic

Before I quit drinking, I struggled to picture what life would be like without booze in it. 

I just couldn’t imagine coping with a bad day at work without wine. 

How would I go out at the weekend or celebrate something special without a glass of something fizzy?

Because I couldn’t picture these things, they felt impossible. So then I’d wonder, what’s the point in even trying to quit? 

If your mind is getting stuck in a similar thought loop right now, this video will help you untangle it all.

Key points

It’s ok if you can’t imagine life, sober

I get so many emails from women who cannot picture life without alcohol. And because they can’t imagine it, they think they won’t be able to do it. But the problem is that if you wait until you can picture it all really clearly, you might be waiting forever. That day may never come. 

The secret is to find a way in which you can take action comfortably – without being able to picture all this stuff and without having it all figured out. What if you moved forward anyway? That is possible for you. Here are three tips to help.

Tip 1: What else did you struggle to imagine at one point?

Perhaps there was a time when you couldn’t see yourself in the role you’re in now.  Maybe that’s as a Mum, a grandma, a position at work, or maybe you completely switched careers. Perhaps you’re a runner or a yogi, and at one point you’d have laughed to imagine that! Maybe you’ve lost loads of weight, and there was a time when you could never imagine yourself in a thinner body. Your life will be full of things that at one point or another seemed unthinkable, but you now take for granted. 

Tip 2: Seek out women who’ve already quit drinking

Find like-minded women who are already sober and doing this thing that feels hard to picture. Find out what their lives are like and use that as inspiration to know that you can do it too. Go to my Success Stories page and watch the videos. Look for the things you have in common with these women. Remember: if these women can do it, then it’s all the more evidence that change is possible and you can do it too. 

Tip 3: Collect data without thinking too far ahead

This is the taking action part of it all. Because truthfully, you’ll be able to imagine so much more if you just go and do stuff. Hold it lightly and take small steps. Remember, you’re not making a lifetime decision here or signing a contract. You’re just experimenting. If you were a scientist, how much data would you want to gather before drawing a conclusion? Let yourself collect experiences and information in the least scary way: by committing to taking a break from booze

If you’d love some help and support to take a proper break from booze, click here for details of my online course.

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How To Survive Summer Parties And Boozy BBQs #health #holistic

I used to love going to boozy BBQs and picnics – they were the perfect excuse to day drink. 

The warm weather made me crave alcohol, and the idea of watching the sun go down, stone cold sober, seemed unthinkable. 

So when I quit drinking, I was surprised to discover that summer parties were still fun… even if everyone else was knocking back booze.

If you’re about to tackle your first sober party, boozy BBQ or wedding this summer, I’ve got four tips to help you through it.

Key points:

Get clear on why you’re meeting up

No matter how much booze there is, the gathering is about more than sitting outside and drinking. (If that was all it was about, then you’d just stay at home!) The real reason you’re going is to connect with humans, e.g. catch up with old friends, celebrate a birthday or spend quality time with family. 

When you know what the point of an event is, you can see that you’re going to get that no matter what you’re drinking. You aren’t missing out – all you’re doing is pouring a different liquid into your glass. 

Decide in advance that you’re not going to drink

It sounds obvious, but how many times have you decided to wait and see how you feel, only to end up drinking?! Save yourself the mental torture of going back and forth over the decision by determining in advance that you’re going to stay committed, no matter what. 

Remember – you can’t figure sobriety out without overcoming a few challenges. Pushing through something like this, sober, is how you grow. This is how you teach yourself that you’re capable of more than you think, and you don’t need alcohol to have a good time.

Keep an alcohol free drink in your hand

When you’ve already got a drink on the go, it’s easier to turn down the offer of something you don’t want. It also gives you something to do with your hands if you’re nervous. Plus, staying hydrated helps prevent cravings for alcohol. 

If it’s appropriate, take your own drinks with you and pack more than you think you need. You’ll be amazed at how many people will choose soft drinks if they’re available. People aren’t as obsessed with alcohol as we tend to think!

Plan ahead

Think through the event in advance. How can you make your life as easy as possible? If you know you’re going to eat late, have a snack before you go so you’re not distracted by hunger, as that can make you crave alcohol more.

Plan your exit. Can you drive there so you can leave whenever you want to? Plan your next day too. No matter how things go, you must celebrate yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something different!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course

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3 Questions To Ask Before You Drink On Your Next Trip #health #holistic

I don’t know about you, but travel and drinking used to go hand in hand for me. 

It didn’t matter whether I was going on a weekend break, a camping trip or lying by a pool somewhere… I just couldn’t imagine staying sober. 

Even though my drinking had created many problems, for a long time I was convinced that without booze I’d be unable to enjoy myself properly. Do you know what I mean?

If you’re trying to decide whether or not to drink during your next trip, I wanted to share something that’ll help you get unstuck, decide on your next steps and feel good about it all!  

Click here to check out today’s blog.

Key points

You have a choice here. You can do whatever you like… but first, you just need to answer these three questions. 

1. What didn’t you like about drinking during your last trip? 

Your brain will want to gloss over this part, but you wouldn’t be here if it’d all been sunshine and daisies. Write this stuff down so you can see it in black and white. Perhaps you hate waking up with a hangover when it’s really hot outside. Or you noticed you were irritable with your kids or grandkids. Perhaps you missed out on some activities or picked a fight with a loved one because you drunkenly misunderstood something. Maybe you came home feeling tired and exhausted – and craving another holiday just to get over the first one. Note this stuff down.

2. What are the benefits of you being alcohol-free during this trip? 

I know – it sounds kind of obvious to reflect on this, but if you’re not intentional about it, all your attention will go on your doubts about doing something different. So what will you gain from staying sober? Perhaps you know you’ll be more present for the people you care about. Maybe they prefer the alcohol-free version of you because you’re more energetic and fun to be around. Maybe you sleep better and say yes to things more readily. When alcohol isn’t controlling the day, it’s amazing how much more enthusiastic you are about walking, sightseeing and exploring somewhere new. 

3. Are you willing to take a chance and experiment with something different this time? 

This is how you’ve got to view it – as an experiment. You’re not making a forever commitment here or a decision about the rest of your whole entire life. It’s just this trip. Are you willing to experiment with something different, based on your reflections so far? Don’t forget, there will always be other trips. If you experiment and don’t like it, you can revert back to drinking next time. But if you allow yourself to take the risk of doing something different this one time, you might just have a breakthrough and discover something amazing about yourself!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course

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Workshop: The Big Book conducted by Earl H (Part 6 of 6)

Earl H conducting a 6 part workshop on the Big Book, he is a very funny man with one of the most amazing stories and one of my favorite speakers. Recorded at an unknown time or event. Part 6 of 6. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/n4ObB5j Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Workshop: The Big Book conducted by Earl H (Part 5 of 6)

Earl H conducting a 6 part workshop on the Big Book, he is a very funny man with one of the most amazing stories and one of my favorite speakers. Recorded at an unknown time or event. Part 5 of 6. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/UdQu0Bp Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Workshop: The Big Book conducted by Earl H (Part 4 of 6)

Earl H conducting a 6 part workshop on the Big Book, he is a very funny man with one of the most amazing stories and one of my favorite speakers. Recorded at an unknown time or event. Part 4 of 6. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/9tvqJmH Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Workshop: The Big Book conducted by Earl H (Part 3 of 6)

Earl H conducting a 6 part workshop on the Big Book, he is a very funny man with one of the most amazing stories and one of my favorite speakers. Recorded at an unknown time or event. Part 3 of 6. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/G7tphAP Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Workshop: The Big Book conducted by Earl H (Part 2 of 6)

Earl H conducting a 6 part workshop on the Big Book, he is a very funny man with one of the most amazing stories and one of my favorite speakers. Recorded at an unknown time or event. This picks right up where it ended yesterday. Part 2 of 6. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/OgWiyZk Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Workshop: The Big Book conducted by Earl H (Part 1 of 6)

Earl H conducting a 6 part workshop on the Big Book, he is a very funny man with one of the most amazing stories and one of my favorite speakers. Recorded at an unknown time or event. Part 1 of 6. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/9Ffo2eD Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Multiple Speakers: James then Scott

James opens the meeting as the 10 min speaker followed by Scott M for the rest of the meeting in Auburn CA on an unknown date. Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/Hg7qQ4f Email: sobercast@gmail.com Event List: https://scast.us/event Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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Multiple Speakers: North American Indian Panel

Multiple speakers at the North American Indian Panel at the 43rd. Ontario Convention held in Oct. 1998 at Sault Ste Marie in Ontario Canada. Event List: https://scast.us/event Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/mApgfdK Email: sobercast@gmail.com Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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ESH: April H (1 Year)

April H is telling her story at the Central Group of AA in Jacksonville Florida in July of 2014. Event List: https://scast.us/event Support Sober Cast: https://ift.tt/n2Szx8Q Email: sobercast@gmail.com Roundup, retreat, convention or workshop coming up? List the event on the Sober Cast website. Visit the link above and look for "Submit Your Event" in the blue box. Sober Cast has 2700+ episodes available, visit SoberCast.com to access all the episodes where you can easily find topics or specific speakers using tags or search. https://sobercast.com

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