I Got Tired Of Pretending Everything Was Fine #health #holistic

One of the things that drove me to quit drinking was all the pretending I had to do. You know – the acting. 

Acting as if I didn’t have a hangover. Acting as if I didn’t mind whether we opened another bottle or not. Acting as if I could just take it or leave it.

And I reckon my acting skills were pretty good, if I do say so myself. But my goodness… it was so draining.

Eventually I got tired of pretending everything was fine – and I explain why in this video.

Key points

Are you acting more than you think?

There’s the pretending (when you open a bottle of wine with your partner) that it’s your first drink of the day, but you’ve already had a few glasses. Or going out for a meal and acting as if you couldn’t care less whether you order another (despite desperately hoping that will happen). There’s the acting that comes with trying to behave like a completely sober person when you’re not – or someone who remembers what happened last night… 

Pretending is tiring

My main goal with this post is to get you thinking about how heavily the acting and pretending might be weighing on you. I don’t think I realised what a weight it all was until I stopped. The temptation is to minimise it – to brush over it as if it’s no big deal. There’s a part of us that wants to believe that if we can pretend everything is fine then it must be fine.

Imagine just being yourself

Think about all the effort and energy you’re putting into pretending everything is fine. What else could that be used for? Just think how much time, focus and brainspace it would free up. I quit drinking because I realised that I like an easy life and I promise, alcohol-free living really is that easy option. Drinking is always the harder choice in the long run.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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10 Reasons To Quit Drinking, According To Sober Celebrities #health #holistic

I’ve always been fascinated by the sheer number of celebrities who quietly don’t drink alcohol.

I’m not talking about famous people who’ve fought well-publicised battles with booze. I’m more interested in the celebs who quietly decided that Hollywood’s champagne lifestyle wasn’t for them.

Their reasons for quitting are varied and inspiring, so if you’re looking for some motivation to stick to your sober goals, you’re going to love this video.

Key points

1. Have more energy

“When I stopped drinking I found I had more of everything – more time, more energy, more enthusiasm. I’d been frightened about what would happen if I let it go; what would replace it, but I realise now that LIFE replaced it.”

Susannah Constantine

2. Lose the self-hatred

Things I don’t miss: being sick, wondering what I did last night, finding out what I did last night, shame, the self-hatred of hungover parenting, wondering if people know I’m still drunk, thinking about the next time I drink and knowing that time it will be amazing, wondering why other people can just have two, nightclubs.” 

Josh Widdicombe

3. Have more fun

“When I got sober, I thought giving up was saying goodbye to all the fun and sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite. That’s when the sparkle started for me.”

Mary Karr

4. Enjoy more free time

“I was starting to get bad hangovers on not much booze. A glass of wine gave me a headache or even sickness the next day. The after-effects weren’t worth the fun times. I lost half days, sometimes full ones… my life is so busy that if I do have a day off, I don’t want to spend it vomiting.” 

Sarah Millican, comedian

5. Lose weight faster

“I realised there were lots of empty calories in booze so that is why I gave it up. If you add up through the week what I’d consume in alcohol calories it was mad. I don’t miss any of that. Now instead of partying until 6.45am, I’m in the gym at 6.45am.” 

Lisa Riley, actress

6. Burn the candle at both ends

“Since I stopped drinking eight years ago I’ve fallen in love with mornings. It was hard at first, but now being sober feels like a superpower. I can go out with friends, have a great night and be up at six, ready for the day.”

Roisin Conaty

7. Make the most of life

“I was so concerned what you thought of me, how I was coming across, how I would survive the day… I always felt like an outsider. I just lived in my head. I realized I wasn’t going to live up to my potential, and that scared the hell out of me. I thought, ‘Wow, I’m actually gonna ruin my life; I’m really gonna ruin it.'”

Bradley Cooper, actor

8. Stop lying

“I’m an actor, so I acted … all the fucking time. One thing [addiction] does is make you clever at not giving anything away. People think junkies and alcoholics are slovenly, unmotivated people. They’re not – they are incredibly organised. They can nip out for a quick shot of whisky and you wouldn’t know they have gone. It’s as if … you are micro-managed by it.” 

Simon Pegg, actor

9. Do better at work

“I realised it was not going to end well. I got into the acting programme, it was very challenging, I was hungover and I wasn’t doing so well in my classes. I thought, ‘Do you know what? It’s going to be one or the other. I can’t really have both.’”

Kristin Davis, actress

10. Gain superpowers

“Someone asked me about the ‘secret to my success’, and the first thing that came to my mind was my sobriety…my sobriety isn’t a limitation. Sobriety isn’t even a “have to”—it’s a superpower.”

Brené Brown

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The Joy Of Being Sober Smug #health #holistic

In my drinking days, the idea that sobriety could be anything other than deprivation and punishment seemed completely laughable to me. 

I was sure that sober people were missing out, big time. So it’s kind of funny that I’m sat here, talking about the joy of being sober smug. 

That’s my name for that feeling when I’m out having a brilliant evening, and I know I’m also going to wake up the next day feeling great. 

You know you’re getting the best of both worlds and it’s truly awesome.

Key points

Sober smug = the best of both worlds

To me, it’s about that moment when you realise you are winning at life because sobriety is giving you more, not less. You are having a heightened experience because you don’t drink. It’s when you notice you’ve just had a really good evening out, sober. You’ve had fun, you’ve laughed… and you know you’re also going to wake up the next day with a clear head, good memories, and a good time behind you. It’s that breakthrough moment where you think: oh. Sobriety isn’t this stone in my shoe. It isn’t about living a life of less. It’s actually about squeezing more out of life, because you are available for more.

We’re trained to see sobriety negatively

I admit, even the word “sober” sounds boring and austere. (Sometimes I regret choosing The Sober School as a name, but we are where we are…) I know sobriety doesn’t exactly sound like an exciting lifestyle upgrade to begin with. Whereas with alcohol, we associate it with all sorts of positive, fun and joyful things. When I first stopped drinking, I did so very reluctantly because I thought I was giving up so much. Not just the booze, but all the fun that went with it. I’m glad to say the truth is very different!

The good times are just as good

When I think about my drinking, what strikes me now is how much I fixated on the first few minutes of drinking. That small moment of perceived glamour and fun and joy. I focused on that but completely overlooked the experience in the round. The overall shame, the regrets, the lack of joy, the consequences. Now I love being able to say no, I choose not to drink – and I know I’ll have a good time no matter what’s in my glass. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why “Everyone Else Drinks Normally” Is A Lie #health #holistic

Have you ever watched someone linger over a single glass of wine at dinner and wondered: how do they drink so… normally? 

When I was struggling with my drinking, I was constantly spying on other people’s drinking, comparing myself, convinced that I was the only one with a secret problem. 

I was wrong, of course, but that belief – about being the only abnormal one – really kept me stuck. 

I can’t go back in time and change the past, but I can tell you what I wish I’d known sooner: that “everyone else drinks normally” is one of the most damaging lies your brain will tell you.

That’s what I’m talking about in this video. 

Key points

What people say and do in public is just one version of the truth

What you see when you watch other people drink tells you almost nothing about their actual relationship with alcohol. Personally, I used to do a convincing act of being a moderate drinker in restaurants. I could do that because I knew I’d get my fill the moment I got home. Sometimes I’d leave parties early so I could go home and drink properly, unobserved. My point is – there was a big difference between the real me and the version of me you’d have seen in public.

Your brain fills in the gaps with the story it already believes

Think about how often we say “let’s go for drinks.” That phrase doesn’t tell you what anyone is actually drinking, but your brain assumes everyone is drinking alcohol because that’s the story it wants to confirm. Some of those people might be on sparkling water or drinking alcohol-free alternatives. (You genuinely can’t tell sometimes.)  If you’re comparing your insides to other people’s outsides, you will never come out of it well. You have full access to your own doubts, cravings, secrets and shame. You only get a surface glimpse of everyone else’s.

Feeling broken will keep you stuck drinking

When you believe that everyone else has “normal” drinking figured out and you’re the only one who can’t manage it, the conclusion is obvious: something is wrong with you. You’re defective. Broken. Weak. And shame that deep doesn’t make you want to change… it makes you want to keep trying to prove that you can drink normally! That shame will keep sending you back to alcohol, over and over, because needing to quit feels like a bad reflection on you.

You’ve actually had a normal experience with alcohol

Remember, normal drinkers get addicted to addictive substances. It’s not complicated. Addictive things are… well, addictive. That’s not a character flaw. It’s just what happens. I know for certain that you are not the only person in your world quietly struggling with this, but hiding it well. You’re good at hiding your drinking, right? So why would you be the only person doing that? You aren’t.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Why The Thing You Dread Could Be Your Sober Breakthrough #health #holistic

You want to stop drinking, but there’s something on the calendar that’s getting in your way.

Maybe it’s a holiday. A wedding. A weekend away with the girls. Whatever it is, you just can’t imagine doing it sober. 

So it makes total sense to delay any attempts at taking a break from drinking, right? Why stop drinking with a big, boozy occasion right around the corner? 

The problem is, though, there’s always something coming up. And every time you wait, alcohol stays in charge of your diary a little bit longer.

But what if these moments might be your biggest opportunity – not your biggest obstacle? 

That’s what I’m talking about in today’s video.

Key points

That empty space on your calendar isn’t coming

When was the last time you had a long chunk of time with no events coming up, or anything that felt like a reason to drink? The only time most of us came close to that was during lockdown (and that led people to drink more, not less!) The truth is, there will always be a birthday, a holiday or an event… always something that feels like a reason to postpone.

Every time you wait, alcohol wins

If you allow yourself to drink at every party, every wedding, every big occasion, then you never find out what you’re actually capable of. The fear just stays, and those events become proof that you can’t do it, rather than proof that you can. Over time, it will seem less and less possible to change – and alcohol will stay in charge. 

Big challenges = big breakthroughs

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Once you get through one challenging experience, everything shifts. You get real, lived evidence that you were wrong. (Yes, wrong!) That actually, you could do it. And that it wasn’t as bad as you feared. Once you have that knowledge, you start wondering what else you might have been wrong about…

Get the right help and support

Your brain loves to do the same thing over and over, so it will naturally resist doing anything different, such as not drinking on holiday. In fact, if you leave your brain unsupervised, it will focus on negative, unhelpful stuff, so it can say: “See! I told you this wouldn’t be as good sober!” This is where having the right support from someone like me can make all the difference (just check out what Jacky had to say about that in my video).

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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That Sunny Pub Garden Isn’t Telling You the Whole Story #health #holistic

When you walk past a pub garden and you see people drinking in the sunshine, what’s the first thought that runs through your head? 

Is it: “I’m so jealous, I want a drink too!” Or “Lucky them…” Or “Perhaps I could just have one…” 

If you’re trying to take a break from drinking right now, moments like these can make you want to ditch your sober goals. 

But before you do, let’s talk about what’s really going on – because I promise, it’s not actually about the drink!

Key points

Everything gets a glow-up at this time of year

It’s the same every spring. All of a sudden, you notice just how light the days are. The temperature is better. The blossom is out along with the bluebells and you feel the relief of winter being over. Everything seems to get a glow up – including alcohol.

Outside, glasses of wine will literally glint in the sun. (Everything looks better on a sunny day, right?) People sit outside to drink and catch some rays, and you’re noticing that too. All these things can come together like a giant, glowy advert for alcohol!

But what are you really craving? 

Let’s go a layer deeper, because there’s more to this than meets the eye. It’s not just about wanting a drink. The true craving might be about you wanting to duck out of your normal obligations. Or you might want to sunbathe and rest. Maybe drinking alcohol is the only way you’ve allowed yourself to do that in the past and drop the things you “should” be doing. 

Or perhaps seeing other people drinking in the sun reminds you of the people you love spending time with, and haven’t seen in a while. Or maybe your true craving is for a reward. Or a treat. These are real, legitimate needs and they deserve to be met. 

Hear me on this: you do not need to pour a glass of wine to give yourself permission to rest. You do not need alcohol to feel connected to people you love spending time with or to enjoy the sunshine. It’s just that alcohol gets bundled up into so many good experiences, sometimes it’s hard for us to see that. 

The darker side that you don’t see

The next time you walk past a buzzing pub garden, remember that all you’re seeing is a snapshot. You are seeing the highlight reel. You’re not seeing what happens later that evening, or the next morning. You cannot see the true cost of what’s in those glasses.

Some people may be very unhappy with their drinking, but we don’t see that from the outside. Some people might be sad, lonely or struggling to hear the conversation. Some “boozers” might not be drinking at all, actually – because alcohol-free drinks aren’t that easy to spot. 

Tip 1: Focus your mind on something useful

First things first, make sure you supervise your mind here by asking the right questions. A great question here is: “What am I gaining by staying alcohol free during this spring/summer season?” Stop letting your mind ruminate on the opposite and identify what those benefits are for you. 

Tip 2: Satisfy your real craving

Make sure you address the underlying need that’s coming up here. For me, seeing people drink in pub gardens reminds me of carefree afternoons with friends who I don’t see as much as I’d like to anymore. So I make sure I arrange something with them. At other times, I realise that I need some time off too, so I make sure to give myself that. What is it for you? 

Let me know…

What do you genuinely need on a sunny day? What’s really behind those cravings? And remember, you can have everything you want without drinking alcohol

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Struggling To Quit? Make Sure You Answer This Question #health #holistic

The morning after I’d been drinking, I’d often wake up in the early hours and wonder:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why do I keep doing this?”

“Why can’t I just get my act together?”

Lying in bed with my eyes closed and my head pounding, I had no idea that I was asking myself all the wrong things. 

If you’ve been drinking when you promised yourself you wouldn’t, there’s a much better question you should be asking instead.

This video explains it all. 

Key points

A better question to ask

If you’re struggling to quit, the best thing to ask yourself is this: “How does my drinking make sense?” “How does it make sense that I’ve developed this pattern?” You can learn a lot of useful stuff from this. This question forces you to bring curiosity without judgement to your situation and step into a calm, figuring-out mindset. That will get you so much further than beating yourself up with shame and disgust. 

Some examples

So how does your drinking make sense? Let’s say you drink in the evening to switch off after being on the go all day. It kind of makes sense to use alcohol for that purpose because it literally slows you down. If you’ve been really hard on yourself all day because you haven’t got as much done as you wanted, drinking alcohol might help you think about something different and stop beating yourself up.

Why this information is useful

A big part of quitting drinking is understanding yourself and why you drink. There’s always some benefit to your drinking, otherwise you wouldn’t do it. Some of those benefits are subtler than others, but they’re always there. Once you start identifying what that benefit is – and it might be different on different days – then you can begin thinking about how else you could meet those needs and manage your life. 

Curiosity vs shame

When you make your drinking a personal and moral failing (“What’s wrong with me?”), you end up shaming yourself, which can feel very painful. When you’re in that place, you close down the opportunity to learn from what happened, which reduces the chance of you making lasting changes. So please – drop the judgement and start being the scientist of your sobriety. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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31 Clues Your Drinking Is Becoming A Problem #health #holistic

How do you know when it’s time to do something about your drinking?  

If you’re a grey zone drinker like I was, the chances are it’s not that clear. 

Perhaps your life looks pretty normal, from the outside. You’re still showing up for your life and taking care of the 101 things on your to-do list.

And yet… you keep drinking much more than you planned to and you regret it afterwards. 

So how can you tell if you’re worrying over nothing, or if things have crossed a line? I believe there are 31 clues to pay attention to.

Looking for the free 7-day coaching week I mention in the video? Click here to find out more.  

Here are the 31 signs your drinking is becoming a problem – how many resonate with you?

1. You spend a lot of time thinking about drinking – what, where, when, how much.

2. You often promise to ‘just have one’, but that rarely happens. Once you start, it’s often hard to stop.

3. You’ve created lots of rules around alcohol, such as not drinking before a set time, only allowing yourself certain types of drinks.

4. You frequently break your own rules.

5. You feel ashamed of your drinking and beat yourself up about it.

6. You try to hide how much you’re drinking from those closest to you.

7. Your partner has expressed concern.

8. Your drinking feels like a big, heavy secret – it’s a source of stress and anxiety.

9. You dread putting out the recycling bin. Sometimes you dispose of empties away from your home so no one else notices.

10. Given the choice, your favourite way to drink is by yourself. Alone, you can have as much as you like without being judged. 

11. When socialising, you keep a careful eye on everyone else’s glasses to make sure you don’t drink too fast.

12. In public, you work hard to be moderate. People would be surprised to discover quite how much you drink at home. 

13. You’re passionate about running or yoga, so everyone assumes you must be super healthy. This makes you feel like a fraud.

14. You’re disappointed – angry, even – if you’re unexpectedly asked to be the designated driver.

15. When someone makes a joke about your drinking, you’ll analyse it for hours, wondering why they said it and what they really know.

16. You’re often anxious about whether there’s enough alcohol available. Will your supplies last? Should you get more?

17. You buy your wine from different shops on rotation because you’re worried the store staff will judge you.

18. You delay eating so you can drink first without a full stomach dampening your ‘buzz’.

19. You feel bad about rushing through things, such as your child’s bedtime story, to be able to drink.

20. You’re regularly blacking out. There are long periods of time that you have no memory of.

21. Mornings often begin with you trying to work out who you called last night and what you posted on Facebook. 

22. You frequently argue with your partner whilst drunk and then cannot remember why the next day.

23. You drink to manage your emotions. It’s your go-to whenever you’re stressed or sad or tense. You have a few other coping mechanisms.

24. After a change in circumstances, e.g. retirement or leaving a stressful job, you thought your drinking would naturally wind down, but it hasn’t.

25. You’re permanently exhausted. Alcohol is seriously affecting the quality of your sleep. 

26. You rarely have enough energy for the hobbies you used to love.

27. Your physical appearance is changing. Your face looks puffier.

28. You diet hard during the day, but you’re still putting on weight – you know the empty booze calories aren’t helping. 

29. You’re scared something bad is going to happen. You’re not sure what, but you’ve had a few close shaves recently, e.g. driving when you shouldn’t. 

30. You keep googling things like ‘am I an alcoholic?’

31. You find yourself on websites like this, looking for help.

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If You Feel Like a Bad Mum Because of Your Drinking, Watch This #health #holistic

If your drinking makes you feel like a bad mum, you’re not alone.

Maybe Mother’s Day stirred something up. Perhaps it got you thinking about your relationship with your kids and how alcohol impacts that.

It doesn’t matter how old your children are – the guilt can be a lot to deal with. 

If you’ve been beating yourself up, here’s what you need to know (and the key question to ask next).

Key points

Mummy wine culture has made this all worse

From wine bottles labelled “the kids are finally asleep” to prosecco playdates and memes about the wine you need for parenting, drinking and motherhood are often treated like one big joke. But behind all of that is something we don’t talk about enough – motherhood is relentless. 

You’re expected to work like you don’t have children and parent like you don’t have a job. Exhausted, overstretched, under-supported – of course you reached for something to take the edge off. Drinking can be part of bonding with other mums too. 

Drinking becomes how you handle everything

Somewhere along the way, wine stopped being an occasional relief and became your operating system. Perhaps your children have left home now but drinking is still how you decompress after work or how you get through a long day without losing it completely.

The pattern often stays because you’ve been practising it for years. So stop beating yourself up. You’re not broken or weak. You found a coping mechanism that genuinely helped for a while. The problem is it’s now causing more issues than it solves, and you’re self-aware enough to recognise that.

How could alcohol-free living help here?

Forget the guilt for a minute. Instead of cataloguing what you’re doing wrong, write down how you’d show up differently without alcohol. Maybe you’d have real energy in the mornings instead of forcing yourself through the school run feeling rough. Perhaps you’d say yes to spontaneous plans because driving in the evening would be no problem.

Maybe it would be easier to fully remember conversations with your teenagers. You’d be fully present for those random moments when they suddenly want to talk or need you. And you’d be role modelling another way of handling life. 

The question isn’t “Am I bad enough to need to stop?”

You don’t have to quit. It’s your life, your choices. But because it’s your life, you also get to decide whether alcohol is good enough to stay in it. You get to ask: would stopping for a while show me that life could be better – maybe in ways I haven’t even imagined yet?

So the question isn’t “Am I a bad mum who needs to quit drinking?” It’s more: “Is alcohol good enough for me and my family?” Only you can answer that. You get to make the decision here – the one that’s right for you.

If you know something needs to change but you can’t imagine quitting yet, come and join us for Freedom Week. You’ll get 7 days of coaching and support to help you break out of the drink-regret-repeat cycle.

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I’m Too Tired And Busy To Deal With My Drinking Right Now #health #holistic

You know you need to do something about your drinking. 

But every time you think about tackling it, the same thought stops you: “I’m just too tired to quit. I don’t have the headspace for this right now.”

You’re already exhausted. Overwhelmed. Running on empty. The idea of adding something else to your endless to-do list feels impossible.

I get it. And I’m not going to patronise you with that rubbish about how “we all have the same 24 hours in the day” (We don’t!)

But I do want to talk about why being tired and busy might actually be the most compelling reason to stop drinking now – not later…

Key points

Why alcohol, busyness and exhaustion are so tightly linked

If you’re in midlife, particularly perimenopause, hormonal changes mean you’re genuinely more likely to be sleeping poorly and feeling irritable. Your body’s ability to regulate mood and energy is shifting. You’re probably also at a phase of life where you’ve got more on your plate than ever. Doing well at work with real responsibilities. You might have kids at home. Ageing parents. Volunteer roles you took on because nobody else would.

Alcohol becomes the logical solution because it ticks so many boxes. It feels like a reward after a long day. Maybe it soothes some resentment that nobody’s noticed how much you’re doing. The sugar in wine gives you a little boost when you’re flagging. The really annoying thing about alcohol is that it almost works as a good fix here. And there’s nothing quite as addictive as something that almost works.

The “once things calm down” trap

You tell yourself: “Just as soon as this settles down, then I’ll tackle my drinking.” Once work quiets down. Once this is off my plate. It feels like you’re taking action – agreeing to deal with it at some point in the future. But that perfect moment never materialises. As soon as one thing clears, something else takes its place.

How long have you been waiting for things to calm down? If you’re in your forties or fifties, the demands aren’t disappearing anytime soon. The kids, the parents, the career pressure, the hormonal changes – it’s all here for a while. Waiting could mean waiting for years.

What if alcohol is causing your exhaustion?

At 4pm, alcohol might feel like the solution to your tiredness. But what if it’s actually the cause? Think about how often your drinking has you waking at 4am, unable to get back to sleep. Starting the day with sky-high alcohol-fuelled anxiety. The emotional overwhelm of crying in the shower, wondering how you’ll get through everything feeling this hungover.

How much time are you spending just managing your drinking? One of my clients described it as having a part-time job – buying it, hiding it, disposing of empties, planning around it, thinking about it constantly. Plus all the time spent googling for help, Alcohol isn’t the knight in shining armour rescuing you from bad days. It’s creating most of your bad days.

Your exhaustion isn’t the obstacle – it’s the sign

What if your busyness and overwhelm aren’t things that need fixing before you can stop drinking – what if they’re the exact sign that you need to stop now? When you quit drinking, you remove one of the heaviest things on your plate. And the women who are the most exhausted and run down have the most to gain. Because when the returns come – and they do – they’re dramatic.

You wake up without immediate dread. You’re sharper at work, more present at home. You stop beating yourself up and ruminating on everything you’ve messed up. The women who come to me feeling too tired to quit often make the most dramatic transformations. Not in spite of how exhausted they were, but because of it. Stopping drinking allows them to finally catch their breath again and get that headspace back. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Are You Taking Care Of Your Basic Human Needs? #health #holistic

Why does sobriety feel impossible on some days? You wake up determined, but by late afternoon, the cravings are so strong you can barely think straight.

It’s easy to assume this means you’re weak or lacking willpower. But what if the real problem is simpler than that? What if you’re just not taking care of your basic human needs?

I believe that behind every craving for alcohol is an unmet need. And if you’re constantly battling urges to drink, there’s a good chance you’re overlooking some key needs:

Key points

The four needs that fuel so many cravings

When your fundamental needs aren’t met, your cravings will be stronger and more frequent. You’ll be much more likely to reach for something outside yourself (like alcohol) as a quick fix. There are four needs in particular that make a big difference: sleep, nourishment, joy, and comfort. Get these right and sobriety becomes much more doable. Ignore them and you’ll constantly feel like you’re white-knuckling it.

Sleep: The one you’re probably sacrificing

If you’re used to burning the candle at both ends, you’re reducing your ability to handle stress and make decisions that align with your goals. Maybe you think you can’t go to bed earlier because you won’t get everything done. But by staying up later, you’re perpetuating a cycle where you always have too much on your plate and the sacrifice is always you – your sleep, your sobriety, your health.

Nourishment: Are you actually eating and drinking enough?

Being hungry and thirsty around wine o’clock makes cravings so much worse. Yet many women fall into a pattern of undereating – either to save calories for alcohol or because they don’t want to “take the edge off” the buzz. Are you eating enough actual food throughout the day? Plan a snack and some water around 4pm to ward off cravings.

Joy: The missing ingredient in your serious adult life

We might be grown-up, responsible adults doing important things, but we desperately need joy and fun. If you’re not getting that anywhere else, it makes sense that you try to inject some happiness into a boring day by pouring wine. So think about a typical day. What else is bringing you genuine joy? You need that somewhere in your day, otherwise alcohol will always seem like the only option.

Comfort: Learning to soothe yourself without wine

The world is uncertain and sometimes unsafe. Things go wrong, people disappoint us, and we have difficult days. There’s nothing wrong with needing comfort – we all do. But if your only way of comforting yourself is through drinking, you’re going to struggle. What else soothes you? For me, it’s calling a friend, having a bath, curling up with a book, and going to bed early. If you’re drawing a blank, think back to what comforted you as a child. You’d probably still be soothed by that same thing (or a version of it) now.

The key question: What do I need right now?

Can you see how different that is from asking “What’s wrong with me?” Instead, you’re just being curious. Noticing that you have needs. And that you’ve been using alcohol to fill some gaps. There’s nothing wrong with that. Alcohol worked for you, for a while, but now it’s probably creating more problems than it solves. Being able to meet your basic human needs without alcohol could change everything for you.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The Heaviness Of Hiding Your Drinking #health #holistic

I saw a news headline the other day that said: “How doctors and dentists know when patients are lying about their alcohol intake.”

Even though I’ve been sober for over a decade, reading that touched a nerve. 

I remember what it felt like to sit in the doctor’s office, being asked about my drinking, trying to decide, “Do I tell the truth here or should I round it down?”

The article itself talks about all the telltale signs medical professionals look for, but that’s not what got to me. What really struck me was remembering the sheer heaviness of having to worry about little things like a trip to the doctor’s.

And that’s exactly what I’m talking about today – the heaviness of hiding (and managing) your drinking.

Key points

The hiding doesn’t stop at the doctor’s surgery

Every single woman I work with hides her drinking to some extent. Even if you live alone and think you’ve got nothing to hide at home, I bet there are still people in your life you’re hiding from.

Maybe it’s the friend whose evening calls you never answer because you might sound drunk. The invitations you turn down because they’d mean driving or staying relatively sober when you don’t want to. Emails you draft late at night but don’t send because you can’t quite trust what you’ve written.

It’s the small things that become heavy

Perhaps you worry whether your colleagues can smell yesterday’s wine when you walk into the office in the morning. Maybe there’s that familiar panic when you wake up and realise you sent text messages or called someone last night, but you can’t quite remember what was discussed.

Or perhaps it’s the clink, clink, clink of wheeling your recycling bin to the curb, hoping the neighbours don’t notice it’s full of empties. Perhaps you’ve started rotating between different shops because you’re worried the cashier is somehow keeping count of what you buy.

None of these things feels like a big deal on its own, but can you see – or feel – how all these little worries accumulate into something much heavier? That’s the real problem here. Not any single thing, but the cumulative weight of carrying them all.

An invitation for you…

First of all, be honest with yourself. How many of these little worries and challenges are you navigating each week? How many small things are you hiding, managing, calculating, worrying about? Make a list somewhere private – maybe on your phone – so you can see it all laid out clearly. You’re not doing this to shame yourself or beat yourself up, but just to see it properly.

Then, after you’ve made that list, close your eyes for a moment and imagine not having to manage any of it. Imagine it all just… going away. Imagine not having to worry about or hide anything, because there’s nothing to get caught out by. 

That relief you’re imagining? It isn’t wishful thinking – it’s your intuition telling you something important. You’ve been carrying all these little things for so long that you’ve forgotten how heavy they are. You don’t always notice the weight until you finally get the chance to put it down and step back.

Sobriety can feel like relief

We tend to assume there’s a heaviness to not drinking – that it’s going to be hard work in and of itself. But I promise, alcohol-free living does not have to feel like white-knuckling and deprivation. Not when you’re doing it the right way. It can just feel lighter. 

Remember, more often than not, there isn’t a big rock-bottom moment that changes things. It’s just the accumulated heaviness of all the little things that one day, becomes too much to carry. 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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What These Sober Women Want You To Know #health #holistic

There are so many things I wish I’d known about alcohol-free living before I quit. 

Back then, I was convinced my life was basically going to be over, if I couldn’t drink. 

Without alcohol, I thought I’d either die of boredom or I’d become a sad sober loser –  abandoned by all her friends – and the loneliness would do me in instead. 

(Dramatic? Me? Just a bit…)

With those kinds of beliefs, it’s no wonder I was a bit resistant to quitting drinking. And I know I’m not the only one who anticipates the worst.

So here’s my attempt to put your mind at rest. 

I’m going to pass on some messages for you, from a few of my Sober School students.

I met up with them in person last month and asked them to write you a message. Watch the video to see what they have to say!

Key points

Their biggest wins

These aren’t small achievements. These are life-changing moments that happened because these women put down the wine glass:

• “749 days sober. My big win? Being effortlessly alcohol-free. No mental chatter, ever. An upgrade indeed.”
• “399 days sober. Thousands saved. My big win? I like myself.”
• “1076 days sober and £10,000 saved. My big win is that I got myself back.”
• “Seven and a half years sober. Saved enough to buy a car and get a mortgage on my own. My big win is that my partner has never and will never see me drunk.”
• “£6,000 saved in 1,120 days. My big win? Dealing with the sudden death of my husband without returning to drinking.”
• “I’m 3.5 years sober and I saved enough money in sobriety to get my teeth fixed – and I overcame my agoraphobia.”

What they want you to know: 

• “Sobriety doesn’t need to be boring. Sobriety rocks.”
• “What a life upgrade it is.”
• “How good a nine-hour sleep feels. Life is bloody good fun without booze. People don’t really care if you’re not drinking.”
• “I wish I’d known there was nothing wrong with me because I was struggling to stop, and I didn’t have to be ashamed about being addicted. That I wasn’t broken.”
• “I wish I’d known that I could still be fun and interesting without alcohol.”
• “I didn’t know that I could be successful. I was so worried about failing after so many Dry Januarys.”
• “The importance of education. You need to know the truth about alcohol and the power of a community.”

These are just a few messages from some of The Sober School graduates who attended my event in Birmingham. As I said in the video, I know you might not believe me when I tell you how good alcohol-free living can be. But I hope these real, heartfelt notes do strike a chord with you, and perhaps you’ll be able to believe the women who wrote them. 

Not one of these women described sobriety as a sacrifice. Not one said they missed drinking or wished they’d waited longer to quit. What they talked about was freedom, sleep, money, confidence and getting themselves back.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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My Name’s Kate And I’m Not An Alcoholic #health #holistic

In my drinking days, I must have googled “Am I an alcoholic?” so many times. 

I didn’t think I actually was an alcoholic, but my drinking certainly didn’t feel “normal”. I was stuck, not finding anything that described me or what to do next. 

Fast forward to today and an awful lot has changed. 

Not only am I happily sober, but my thoughts on the whole “alcoholic” label are a lot clearer. I wanted to share them here, in case you’re feeling as confused as I was. 

Key points

What exactly is an alcoholic anyway?

It’s a genuine question. How do you define that? Is it someone who regularly drinks above the recommended guidelines or often has more than they intend to? Or is it someone who feels they have to drink every single day? It’s so hard to define.

Some studies have found that only ten percent of excessive drinkers are officially ‘alcohol dependent’. Even if you fill out an online questionnaire about your drinking, it won’t tell you that you’re an alcoholic – it will refer to an alcohol use disorder instead.

Alcohol vs other drugs

When it comes to other substances, we’re not so obsessed with labels. Smokers never wonder if they are nicotine-oholics or whether they have a disease. They’re never going to question why they can’t just ‘control’ their intake of cigarettes or why they can’t smoke ‘responsibly’. 

The difference is that we recognise nicotine as a drug. We understand that if you use an addictive drug, then you’re probably going to get addicted to it. That addiction won’t be a reflection on you or your morals or your inner strength – it’s just what happens. 

A controversial opinion

Some people will come at me for this… but honestly? I think the only people who like to use the word alcoholic, are those who benefit from labelling others. It suits the alcohol industry to pretend that there’s such a thing as ‘normal’ or ‘responsible’ drinking. 

Other drinkers benefit from this too. They want to believe that they’re fine, they’re normal, they’re not doing anything wrong… and people who “have” to quit are different from them. It suits the system to keep perpetuating the myth that there’s just a small group of people out there who can’t use alcohol “responsibly”. 

No need for labels

As you might have guessed, I don’t call myself an alcoholic, I don’t think I am at all. I think I had a very normal relationship with alcohol, because it’s normal to get addicted to addictive substances, especially when they’re romanticised and glamorised. 

Unless the “alcoholic” label empowers you to change, feel free to ditch it. If you quit drinking, all it really means is that you’re a non-drinker. You’re alcohol free. You’re a teetotaler. You’re enjoying a hangover-free lifestyle. And you’re awesome. That’s it!

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Forget Dry January – February Matters Just As Much! #health #holistic

February is here. If you did Dry January, how did it go?

Maybe you sailed through and plan to continue… or perhaps you’re not sure what to do next. Maybe you’ve already had a drink or struggled to make it through the month.

I’ve had ALL of those experiences at some point or another, so I know what it’s like. 

And here’s the thing: it’s what you do next that matters just as much as what happened in January. I explain why in this video.

Key points

No matter what you do next, reflect first

It’s really important to capture how you’re feeling right now – the good and the bad. (Download the Dry January Debrief to help with this). Some of my biggest breakthroughs came from reading something I’d written months earlier and realising: “I forgot how good I felt back then.” Or I’d look back and notice a pattern to my drinking that I hadn’t spotted before. 

For example, if you completed Dry January but it felt like an endurance test – akin to being on a diet, perhaps – then let’s capture why sobriety feels like hard work right now. Why does it feel like deprivation? What do you think you’re missing out on? This information is key to changing those beliefs and how you approach alcohol-free living in the future. 

If you’re going to drink again…

Put a note in your diary first! I wish I’d done this after my breaks from drinking. I was so determined that everything was fine (“Look – I stopped! No way do I have a problem…”) that I conveniently overlooked what happened next. Somehow, it didn’t register how quickly I slid back into drinking in a way that didn’t work for me.

So set a reminder to check in with yourself at the end of February. Put another reminder on your phone for the end of March. On each occasion, grab your Dry January Debrief to remind yourself where you were at the end of January. Have things got better, worse or stayed the same? This is how you collect proper information about your drinking – don’t rely on your memory (which always distorts over time). 

If you had a tough month, you’re not alone

In 2013, I attempted Dry January with a group of friends. I lasted a week before giving up. (They all made it through the month and I had to pretend I was still doing it too. It was awful). But do you know what else happened in 2013? That was the year I quit for good.

So if you need a reminder that all is not lost and this year isn’t a write-off – then hello: I’m it. I’m living proof that you can turn things around. All that matters now is moving forward with intention. The key is capturing how you feel right now. Then you’ll have real data to work with – not just vague memories or wishful thinking.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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Что означает имбаланс в трейдинге Биржевой Университет #health #holistic

Имбаланс: когда рынок теряет равновесие

FVG в трейдинге или imbalance (на английском imbalance in trading) – это трехсвечная комбинация, область, где только одна сторона рынка предлагает ликвидность. Очень часто imbalance в системе Smart Money появляется после обновления какой-либо ликвидности. Imbalance (fvg, inefficiency) – импульсное движение цены, которое показывает неравновесие между покупателями и продавцами в определенном диапазоне из за нехватки ликвидности. Синим уровнем и красной стрелкой выделен огромный множественный имбаланс продавцов.

Пример 3: Ложный пробой и сбор ликвидности

• Если цена движется без четкой структуры, лучше воздержаться от входа.
• Чтобы эффективно сбалансировать цену и предложить ее обеим сторонам, в какой-то момент времени график вернется туда.
• Единичный имбаланс в верхней части бара, выделенный красным цветом означает, что перевес со стороны продавцов составляет более 300%.
• Причина, по которой мы называем это явление имбалансом заключается не только в том, что это дисбаланс между покупателями и продавцами, но и в том, что на рынке буквально существует дисбаланс.

Имбаланс в трейдинге — это несоответствие между спросом и предложением на определённом финансовом инструменте. Если на рынке существует сильный дисбаланс между покупателями и продавцами, это может привести к резким движениям цен в ту или иную сторону. Например, если продавцов слишком много, а покупателей мало, то цена будет снижаться. Напротив, если на рынке преобладают покупатели, а продавцов недостаточно, цена будет расти. Имбаланс на рынке можно определить как дисбаланс между покупателями и продавцами. За бычьим дисбалансом стоит больше покупателей, имбаланс а за медвежьим – больше продавцов.

Имбаланс — что это? Как найти и торговать имбаланс.

Фитили обычно представляют собой колебания цены вверх и вниз за определенный промежуток времени. Если на часовом таймфрейме вы видите палочку снизу или сверху свечи, это не просто какой-нибудь штрих, это полноценное движение на 1-5минутном графике. Когда вы видите насыщенную свечу без прикрывающих её теней от соседних свечей – вы определили явный дисбаланс в цене. Институциональные игроки формируют на рынке большие торговые объемы благодаря своим крупным ордерам на куплю или продажу.

Когда на графике формируется медвежий FVG, это прямой сигнал, что продавцы взяли контроль над рынком. Такие зоны часто появляются после резкого дисбаланса спроса и предложения, когда крупные игроки агрессивно разгружают позиции. Имбаланс (imbalance) в трейдинге — это диспропорция между спросом и предложением, вызывающая неравномерное распределение ликвидности и значительное https://forexby.com/ движение цены в одном направлении. Этот феномен играет ключевую роль в формировании трендов, волатильности и поведения активов на финансовых рынках.

Для более подробного описания работы индикатора посмотрите вебинар его создателя. Данные об открытом интересе в режиме реального времени предоставляет только Московская биржа, поэтому индикатор работает только на фьючерсных контрактах Московской биржи. Если вы хотите подробнее узнать, как торговать на имбалансе и как извлечь из него выгоду, рекомендуем вам записаться на курсы Биржевого Университета. Мы детально рассмотрим на них все интересные стратегии и разберем разные ситуации на практике, что позволит вам лучше усвоить информацию. Помните, что определить возникновение дисбаланса не всегда возможно. Часто для этого нужно использовать специализированное программное обеспечение, индикаторы, кластерный анализ и пр.

На верхнем графике вы можете наблюдать, как стремительно развивается восходящее движение фьючерсного контракта на британский фунт. Поступим как профессиональные трейдеры и попытаемся найти на графике футпринт Bid x Ask Imbalance платформы ATAS, крупный стек имбалансов, сформированный агрессивными покупателями. Если вдруг вы увидели, что имбалансы сформировались не в сторону вашей сделки, они скорее всего переедут ее своими большими колесами.

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My Biggest Lessons From 10 Years Of Running The Sober School #health #holistic

The Sober School turned 10 this month and over the weekend I threw a party in Birmingham to celebrate.

Students from all over the world travelled to the event to mark this milestone together. 

The party got me thinking about everything I’ve learned over the past decade of helping women put down the wine glass.

So I wanted to share some of my biggest takeaways with you in a video I filmed during Saturday’s event. 

It’s a bit rough and ready, but it’s the behind-the-scenes stuff that’ll give you a sense of what The Sober School is really all about.

Key points

Don’t think too far ahead

When I launched The Sober School in 2016, I had no idea where it would end up. I certainly never imagined I’d be hosting a party like this, celebrating ten years with a room full of women who’ve transformed their lives.

The same is true for your alcohol-free journey. You don’t need all the answers before you begin. You can’t figure out how you’ll handle that holiday in three months because you’re literally going to be a different person by then – thinking, knowing, and feeling different things. Future-you will have the skills to handle what comes next. You just need to start.

It’s hard to be what you can’t see

Standing in that room full of sober women was powerful. These are friendships forged online and magnified in person. People who understand each other’s journey because they’ve walked the same path. There was no chit chat about the weather here – just meaningful connection with people who get it.

So don’t do this alone. Surround yourself with people who’ve done what you’re doing and are a few steps ahead. The women who have the most success are the ones who stay connected to a great community.

Your sobriety creates ripples you’ll never see

At the party, I reminded everyone of something important: so many of them were the first person in their family or friendship group to stop drinking. They had to go first… but since then, others have followed.

Your kids, grandkids, partners, friends – they’re all watching. No matter what they say to begin with, they’ll feel the benefits of you changing your life later on. The ripple effect of your sobriety stretches much further than you realise.

Alcohol-free living is the ultimate lifestyle upgrade

In ten years of coaching women, I haven’t seen any evidence to the contrary. Not once! Ditching alcohol is not about settling for less. When you go about it the right way, alcohol-free living adds more into your life than you’d ever find at the bottom of a bottle.

Standing at the party, watching women hug, chat and celebrate together – all completely sober – was proof of that. This is what’s possible. If you’re curious about what life could look like without alcohol, I hope to see you at The Sober School one day. It might just change your life.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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