How To Tell People You’re Not Drinking This Festive Season #health #holistic

The invitations are starting to roll in: Christmas parties, family gatherings, work dos, dinners with friends, Thanksgiving…

And you just know that whenever there’s something to celebrate, alcohol is going to be involved.

If you’re newly sober (or trying to be), how on earth do you handle this? How do you tell people that (gasp!) you’re not drinking this festive season?

Maybe you’re still drinking right now because the thought of explaining why you’re not drinking just feels like too much.

Here’s how to navigate those conversations with confidence.

Key points

Get your own head straight first

Before you worry about what to say to anyone else, you need to believe – in your bones – that what you’re doing is completely fine. Because it is! You’re just choosing to put a different liquid in your glass. I know that statement massively simplifies all of this, but it’s true. 

The liquid you were drinking before wasn’t making you feel great, so now you’re choosing something different. You’re allowed to do that. Remind that worried part of your brain that what you’re doing really isn’t radical or unreasonable. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.

Have a simple line ready

Although no one is owed a blow-by-blow account of why you’ve stopped drinking, it makes sense that some people will ask about it, if they’re used to seeing you drink. Don’t misinterpret their questions as an attack – often people are just curious. Or nosy. Or not really thinking!

So you need a simple explanation that feels good to say but is also firm, confident and clear. Something like:

– “I’m taking a complete break from alcohol because my hangovers are so much worse in perimenopause. It’s just not worth it for me and I’m enjoying not drinking.”

– “Even half a glass messes up my sleep these days. So I thought I’d see what’d happen if I took a complete break for a while and so far, I’m noticing a big improvement. I’m curious to see if things continue to improve.”

– “Alcohol makes my anxiety so much worse the next day. My doctor recommended I take a complete break from drinking for a while, so that’s what I’m doing. I’ve been surprised by how little I’ve missed drinking.”

Notice how these answers aren’t dramatic. They don’t over explain. They also include something positive, which helps to position this as a decision that’s going well for you and isn’t up for negotiation.

Communicate in advance if you can

If possible, let people know before the event. Then you don’t have to think on your feet because it’s already been said. You’re managing expectations and building in some accountability for yourself because you’ve told people what to expect.

The other advantage to having these conversations in advance is that if you’re going to someone’s home, you can plan what you want to drink instead. You don’t want to be left with nothing but water because the host was surprised and didn’t cater for you. You could offer to bring an alcohol-free punch that others can enjoy too.

Remember, most people will be fine about it

When you tell people you’re not drinking, I think you’ll be surprised how many don’t care! When alcohol has been a big deal to you for a long time, it’s easy to assume everyone feels the same way. But for many others, what you do and don’t drink isn’t that interesting. 

Besides, other people change too. Even old drinking buddies – who you were certain would be outraged if you didn’t join them for a drink – might surprise you with their open mindedness or willingness to do something different!

If someone just won’t let it drop…

This is annoying, I know. Remind yourself that you’re not responsible for their happiness. Because honestly, If they need you to drink the same liquid as them so they can feel okay about their own choices… that’s their problem. 

A question I love to use here is: “Why is it important to you that I drink?” Their answer to this often reveals something useful. Sometimes people are just convinced you’re not having a good time, sober, and that’s why they keep pushing. Once you know that, you can reassure them you’re having a good time, alcohol-free.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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The Problem With ‘Being Good’ Monday To Thursday #health #holistic

I used to try really hard to ‘be good’ and stay sober from Monday to Thursday.

(I could get my head around staying alcohol free during the working week. But a sober Friday, Saturday and Sunday? That didn’t seem possible.)

Because I wasn’t ready to quit completely, being good during the week seemed like the next best thing. 

But what I didn’t realise is that there’s a huge problem with Monday to Thursday sobriety – and that’s what I’m talking about in this video. 

Key points

You’re repeating the hardest part over and over

The early days of not drinking are some of the toughest. When you only stop for four days at a time, you force yourself to experience them again and again and again. In a four-day window of sobriety, you barely get alcohol out of your system. And because it’s such a short window, you don’t get enough time to form new habits or have any breakthroughs. 

Without realising it, you only ever experience the difficult bit and never reach the good days, because you don’t stick with it long enough. When I look back on my own struggle with alcohol, I can see what an unhelpful pattern I was in. No wonder sobriety felt miserable and unsustainable!

You’re teaching your brain that sobriety only works on “boring” days

If you’re only ever sober during the working week, you subconsciously teach yourself that alcohol-free living is only possible when you’re in a routine, at work and not doing anything fun. You’re treating sobriety like a strict diet – i.e. deprive yourself for a few days, then have a blowout at the weekend.

Long-term, successful sobriety happens when you realise you can live a full and happy life without alcohol, no matter what day it is. But in order for that breakthrough to happen, you do have to be willing to practise being alcohol-free at the weekend too.

You don’t get time to do the real work

When I was repeatedly stopping for a few days at a time, I never had time to work on my sobriety. All I could really do is cross my fingers and hope for the best! It was sheer willpower and a sense of “I really should do this” that got me through wine o’clock without drinking.

When you’re in this pattern, you don’t have time to get clear on why you’ve been drinking in the first place. You can’t tackle root causes, find new healthy coping mechanisms, work on your mindset or educate yourself about how alcohol affects your mind and body. There simply isn’t time.

So – is this pattern actually working for you?

When you’re in the thick of it, you don’t always get a moment to step back and ask yourself this question. I invite you to do this today. If you’re genuinely happy “being good” during the week and then drinking through every weekend, no problem. But if you’re not happy, it might be time to change things up by taking a longer break from drinking. 

If that’s intimidating right now, it’s ok. But consider this: what if you weren’t doing this alone? What if you had support to handle things sober? This is what I help women with at The Sober School. What if you could actually feel so good on your not-drinking days that you genuinely wanted more of them? I promise this is possible for you – if it wasn’t, no one would choose to stay alcohol free! 

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

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“Could I Ever Just Have One Glass Of Wine With Dinner?” #health #holistic

“Would I ever be able to control my drinking so it’s just one glass of wine when I go out for dinner?”

Maybe you can get on board with being sober most of the time, but there are a few situations where you just can’t imagine not drinking. A nice meal out. A holiday. A celebration.

In an ideal world, you’d love to be able to drink on those occasions. So can you get there? Let’s talk about it. 

Key points

You must begin with a complete break first

If you’re anything like me, you probably won’t want to hear this. But if you’d like to become a take-it-or-leave-it drinker, you do need to practise the “leaving it” part for a good long while first. You need to build up that sober muscle and get used to not drinking. Because if you really want to be that “just one drink on a special occasion” person, then sobriety is going to have to become your norm, most of the time.

Taking a complete break gives you time to work on fixing the things that got you drinking in the first place. More often than not, your drinking is filling a gap for something you’re missing or a skill you don’t have yet. So you might need to do some work on creating new coping mechanisms and handling life a bit differently. This is the work we do inside my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.

After doing the work, the question changes

If you take a proper break from drinking (anything from 6 weeks to 100 days) and do it right, you’ll come out the other side feeling great physically and mentally. If you do your myth busting work and find new coping mechanisms and let new habits form, you will feel very different about alcohol. You’ll be much less impressed and drawn to it. You might actually feel free from it. 

So then the question shifts. It stops being “Can I have one glass of wine with dinner” and becomes “Why would I want one glass of wine with dinner? What would be the point?” That’s the place I’m at these days and this is what I want for you too. This position puts you in control again. When I was drinking, I never thought I’d stop loving wine, but now I don’t even like the smell of it!

What’s realistic here? 

Let’s say you stop for a while but you don’t do the mindset work or get coached through this, and at the end you still miss wine. Could you go back to drinking occasionally? It’s not impossible, but it’s not likely. Just think about what you’d say to a smoker, who took a break from smoking and then planned to only light up on “special occasions”. It’s risky, right?

I often work with women who’ve stopped for a while and then gone back to drinking “a bit,” only for it to slowly increase again. Sometimes the effort of trying to stop after just one glass of wine takes up so much mental energy, it’s not worth it. There’s nothing shameful about this. I think going back to drinking can be part of the journey and help you figure out what you really want.

The good news…

The main thing I want you to understand here is that there is a way out of this that feels genuinely good. Your choice isn’t between “drink and be miserable” or “stay sober and be miserable.” There’s a way of doing this that leaves you feeling so good, you don’t even want that glass of wine with dinner anymore. This is something I can support you with inside my Getting Unstuck coaching programme.

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“Sometimes I Drink And Nothing Bad Happens” #health #holistic

Sometimes it couldn’t be clearer. You wake up in the morning knowing your drinking has to change and you must do something about it.

But then there are those times when you drink and everything works out fine. You don’t overdrink and nothing bad happens.

This used to confuse me so much. “I must have been overreacting before!” I’d tell myself. “Everything is fine!”

So I’d drink again… only this time, things wouldn’t be fine and I’d be left scratching my head, wondering why. 

If you can relate, let’s talk about why your drinking might be different at different times – and what to do about it…

Key points

First, remember what we’re dealing with here

Alcohol is an addictive, mind-altering drug that’s glamorised and romanticised. It’s marketed to us as a treat, a coping mechanism and something that delivers good times. Given the addictive nature of this drug and the way it’s positioned in our culture, can you see how the stage is set from the start for us to overdrink and become reliant on it? That’s not a personal failing or character flaw – that’s just the way things are.

Why your drinking sometimes feels “fine”

If you need to make a good impression on others – or perhaps you’re networking, focused on the conversation or trying to remember names – you might slow your drinking down to stay sharp. If you’re with friends who don’t drink, you might naturally match their pace in a bid to fit in, because in the moment that feels more important than drinking as much as you’d like. 

Another time your drinking might seem more “normal” is if you’re interrupted halfway through, or you’re eating at the same time, or having a drink after a significant break. Time off from drinking lowers your tolerance, so you won’t need as much to feel the effects. You might then be able to stop at one and feel satisfied, which gives the illusion of control. But the next time you drink, you’ll need a bit more. And then a bit more… 

Examine what happens MOST of the time

If you’re trying to decide whether you need to take a break from drinking, the key is to stand back and look at the bigger picture. If I’d done this sooner, I’d have noticed that more often than not, I was unhappy with my drinking. Those occasions when my drinking felt “fine” and nothing bad happened were fairly rare, to be honest. It’s just that I was great at laser focusing on those rare times!

I ignored the fact that the majority of my drinking happened at home, alone, and in that environment I really struggled to stop. I always had more than I planned. So please don’t make my mistake. Don’t fall into the trap of fixating on that random Wednesday in September when you were with so-and-so and had just one glass. Make sure you’re taking in the bigger picture, not just the exceptions. Track this if you need to.  

What if the “worst option” brings you everything you want?

I know that complete sobriety might sound restrictive and unappealing right now. But what if it’s actually lighter and easier than constantly thinking about your drinking and battling with yourself over how much to drink? I’ve been sober for a long time now and I have so much more peace and freedom than I ever had as a drinker. I love the fact that alcohol doesn’t dominate my headspace – I don’t even think about it anymore.

I care so little about the contents of my glass that these days I’ll go out and just have water. I don’t even order a mocktail. It’s just not a big deal. And it’s that lightness, that “this isn’t a big deal” energy – that I so desperately wanted to have with alcohol. But it never worked out that way. There just came a point where I realised the route to peace and freedom – for me – was taking alcohol out of the picture completely. I wonder if that might be the path for you too.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

The post “Sometimes I Drink And Nothing Bad Happens” appeared first on The Sober School.

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“Sometimes I Drink And Nothing Bad Happens” #health #holistic

Sometimes it couldn’t be clearer. You wake up in the morning knowing your drinking has to change and you must do something about it.

But then there are those times when you drink and everything works out fine. You don’t overdrink and nothing bad happens.

This used to confuse me so much. “I must have been overreacting before!” I’d tell myself. “Everything is fine!”

So I’d drink again… only this time, things wouldn’t be fine and I’d be left scratching my head, wondering why. 

If you can relate, let’s talk about why your drinking might be different at different times – and what to do about it…

Key points

First, remember what we’re dealing with here

Alcohol is an addictive, mind-altering drug that’s glamorised and romanticised. It’s marketed to us as a treat, a coping mechanism and something that delivers good times. Given the addictive nature of this drug and the way it’s positioned in our culture, can you see how the stage is set from the start for us to overdrink and become reliant on it? That’s not a personal failing or character flaw – that’s just the way things are.

Why your drinking sometimes feels “fine”

If you need to make a good impression on others – or perhaps you’re networking, focused on the conversation or trying to remember names – you might slow your drinking down to stay sharp. If you’re with friends who don’t drink, you might naturally match their pace in a bid to fit in, because in the moment that feels more important than drinking as much as you’d like. 

Another time your drinking might seem more “normal” is if you’re interrupted halfway through, or you’re eating at the same time, or having a drink after a significant break. Time off from drinking lowers your tolerance, so you won’t need as much to feel the effects. You might then be able to stop at one and feel satisfied, which gives the illusion of control. But the next time you drink, you’ll need a bit more. And then a bit more… 

Examine what happens MOST of the time

If you’re trying to decide whether you need to take a break from drinking, the key is to stand back and look at the bigger picture. If I’d done this sooner, I’d have noticed that more often than not, I was unhappy with my drinking. Those occasions when my drinking felt “fine” and nothing bad happened were fairly rare, to be honest. It’s just that I was great at laser focusing on those rare times!

I ignored the fact that the majority of my drinking happened at home, alone, and in that environment I really struggled to stop. I always had more than I planned. So please don’t make my mistake. Don’t fall into the trap of fixating on that random Wednesday in September when you were with so-and-so and had just one glass. Make sure you’re taking in the bigger picture, not just the exceptions. Track this if you need to.  

What if the “worst option” brings you everything you want?

I know that complete sobriety might sound restrictive and unappealing right now. But what if it’s actually lighter and easier than constantly thinking about your drinking and battling with yourself over how much to drink? I’ve been sober for a long time now and I have so much more peace and freedom than I ever had as a drinker. I love the fact that alcohol doesn’t dominate my headspace – I don’t even think about it anymore.

I care so little about the contents of my glass that these days I’ll go out and just have water. I don’t even order a mocktail. It’s just not a big deal. And it’s that lightness, that “this isn’t a big deal” energy – that I so desperately wanted to have with alcohol. But it never worked out that way. There just came a point where I realised the route to peace and freedom – for me – was taking alcohol out of the picture completely. I wonder if that might be the path for you too.

Ready to create an alcohol-free life you love? Click here to learn more about my Getting Unstuck course.

The post “Sometimes I Drink And Nothing Bad Happens” appeared first on The Sober School.

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